to have thrown water over DS (10) as he would not get dressed this morning?

[StuckForAUserName]

We are late almost every day due to DSs having no interest in getting ready for school and it is an ongoing problem where I am severely stressed out every morning.

It got to 8.25 this morning (we need to leave by 8.30) and DS1 was still in underpants jumping on his brother and fighting him. He had been repeatedly told to get dressed and I warned him I would do it.

I picked up a small jug of cold water I had been using for the iron and chucked it at him. He was soaked and had to change pants. He had some splashes of water on his clean and laid out ready school uniform but I told him to put it on.

I now feel very guilty and hate that I did it but the only other option was a hard slap on the arse IMO. So am I a child abuser?

So this was my method for getting DS2 to shift his easily distracted Aspergery arse (affectionate) in the morning:

Visual cues and a reward. I made a set of numbered cards and bought a few cheap wall clocks from Ikea - one for each room he needed to be in. They had numbers rather than Roman numerals on.

Card 1 I gave to him as I woke him in the morning. It had a clock face with the time 7.15 drawn on and the message 'Get out of bed by quarter past 7'. I drew a pic of him standing by the bed.

The other cards were on the table by his bed and took him thorough the morning in the same way - clock face, picture of task, instruction.

The last card said to give all the cards to mum by whatever time it was and there was a pic of whatever reward he had chosen that week. He had to bring each card to me separately by the time on the card for the first week though - to build the confidence/habit.

Worked a charm after cheerfully coaching him through the first few days.

No nagging/shouting needed.

Mornings had been a huge bone of contention and this really worked. He didn't need it for too long before he just did it without the cards.

I also used it briefly with my NT DS3 to good effect.

Startail, I live in a world where parents are the adults and don't choose immature and unhelpful ways to parent their children that might get a result in that short instance but which ultimately teach them nothing about good behaviour nor offer solutions as to how to behave differently. It's really not hard to live here, the only entry qualifications required are having some semblence of maturity and self-awareness.

Dizzy, if you think the issue is about the volume of water then I am LMFAO. I am not perfect and neither is my child. Not lowering myself to throwing water over a child does not make me perfect, it's a pretty basic standard to hold yourself to, ffs. I don't think it's the worst thing in the world and the issue is not about how much water it was. The point is that addressing bad behaviour with bad behaviour teaches kids nothing but, erm, keep on demonstrating bad behaviour. It won't solve anything, it doesn't help the child work out better ways to behave, it just makes them wary that their mother, who they should trust above all people to feel secure with, can do something demeaning (even if it only slightly so) to them at random. That's why it is bad; the underlying points, not the water itself.

Can't believe that needs explaining.

OxfordBags so you never lose your rag with your DC then ever and in all situations you have time to think up a reasoned and appropriate response do you? Well bloody lucky you. Are you a robot?

Do you only have one child? Boy or girl? Age? I am sure you put their probably excellent behaviour down to your excellent parenting skills as well don't you?

God, what a way for a mother to behave!!!No wonder you have problems with him!

In my experience, it's much easier to post a bunch of judgy-pants bullshit on the Internet than to actually parent.

some of us can do both

Well, the beauty of the Internet is that we'll never know!

Not assaulting your child is a pretty low bar which I think most of us can manage to clear Katy

I would be so deeply ashamed of myself if I did this. Apart from the actual act of doing it, there are two things which worry me most:

Firstly, you warned him you would do it. This was a premeditated act. You didn't lose your rag and reach for the nearest thing (which would have been bad enough) but you actually thought it through and then did it.

Secondly, you think the only other option was a smack. Surely you can't mean this?

I think you need to look into parenting classes so you can that there were other options. They will also help you understand 'role modelling'.

This was a short term fix and does nothing to solve the problem.

I'm not a robot, I'm certainly not perfect, I get angry like any normal person. It's just that, as socharlottet says, not throwing water or smacking a child is a pretty low bar to set yourself as a parent. If you thought it was acceptable you wouldn't have posted about it, would you? It's pretty fucking basic not to throw water on someone!

Hahahah....Good. I hope he learned to have some respect for your rules. Kids can really test us and i probably would have done something similar too. I think i did that to my 14 year old daughter last year, after telling her to wake up x amount of times. It was either the water or i throw something at her to get her out of the bed and i decided water was better. Now that she has a phone, she is responsible for waking herself up. Her two brothers wake up on the dot, but she's a lazy one. Don't feel guilty and bad about it. He deserved the wake up call. It won't harm him, just his growing ego.

I think its quite funny actually. And I work in a job where child protection is a big thing. A one off throwing a small amount of water at a child who is being persistantly defiant certainly wouldn't make me think 'omg child abuser alert'

"I hope he learned to have some respect for your rules"

How is throwing a cup of water over him going to teach him about respect?

More than likely it's achieved the exact opposite.

"I think its quite funny actually. And I work in a job where child protection is a big thing."

God help us all.

I think its best to refrain from treating your child in a manner which you would not want them to treat someone else, unless its absolutely necessary. Reward might work better long term. Although, we all lose it a little bit sometimes...

I think people need to get off their high horse. No one is perfect and the fact is no one got hurt and I don't think the child will go on to be a serial water abuser.

I have never thrown water over a child...but I have shoved child, clothes and dressed siblings into the car in the morning and driven them to school screeching, 'I am going to deliver you to your classroom in your PANTS and you can let the teacher dress you! All your classmates will laugh!'

Child will be frantically dressing itself in the car, believe me .

OP asked for opinions...its not about high horses.

I don't think the water thing is a huge deal. Not ideal, but to call it abuse is ridiculous.

Could you try putting them to bed very very early one night? Just say pleasantly, "you can't seem to get ready in the morning, you must be too tired! So tonight you can go to bed right after dinner."

DS gets to play Angry Birds after he's dressed and ready. Would TV work?

I see a lot of people high above the op looking down.

Well I think it was a pretty awful thing to do and your son will no doubt remember this into adulthood.

I have a 10 year old though, and he ambles through life without urgency, ever.

I have made it very clear to him that he has to be dressed, fed, guitar practised, teeth cleaned by 8.15. The next 25 minutes are his to do what he chooses.

I dont, i see constructive suggestions about alternative ways to deal with the scenario, seeing as OP wasnt happy with their actions

Yes god help you all Annie. I wish you were in such a job so social services would collapse under the weight of referals for loving parents doing silly but totally unabusive things to their children.

Whatever next.
Mother sent me to my room- oh my god thats abusive, imagine if your husband confined you to your room?
Mother confiscated my favourite toy- omg thats abusive- imagine if your husband took your personal possessions in order to punish you?
Mother sent me to school in my underpants- OMFG!!! Would you like it if your HUSBAND took you to work semi naked in order to humiliate you? [sad/shocked face explosion]