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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have thrown water over DS (10) as he would not get dressed this morning?

361 replies

StuckForAUserName · 08/02/2013 10:55

We are late almost every day due to DSs having no interest in getting ready for school and it is an ongoing problem where I am severely stressed out every morning.

It got to 8.25 this morning (we need to leave by 8.30) and DS1 was still in underpants jumping on his brother and fighting him. He had been repeatedly told to get dressed and I warned him I would do it.

I picked up a small jug of cold water I had been using for the iron and chucked it at him. He was soaked and had to change pants. He had some splashes of water on his clean and laid out ready school uniform but I told him to put it on.

I now feel very guilty and hate that I did it but the only other option was a hard slap on the arse IMO. So am I a child abuser?

OP posts:
ironhorse · 08/02/2013 15:31

im sitting laughing, its an excellent idea. me and my brother used to be like that and still are to a certain extent though i havent fought with him in my pants for a while Grin its a bit of fun and better than a smack on the arse or a shouting at. if your kids are anything like me and my brother though beware - next time you want a long lie expect a glass of water to be thrown over you Wink

TheCatIsEatingIt · 08/02/2013 15:48

My stepdad once dripped cold water on my feet when I was refusing to get up for school. I giggled, got up, and was (mostly) better in future. It certainly wasn't abuse, I was being a brat!

SpringtimeForHitler · 08/02/2013 16:02

Yanbu.

My Mum used to get me with a cold flannel when I refused to get out of bed, it was hilarious.

PolterGoose · 08/02/2013 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirBoobAlot · 08/02/2013 17:07

Yes you were unreasonable. FFS. If you were faffing around, and your OH threw water over you, would that be okay?

Maybe try actually having a conversation with him rather than talking at him till you're blue in the face.

And your alternative is a slap. How very pleasant you sound.

NotADragonOfSoup · 08/02/2013 17:14

Temper tantrums not dealt with at 2, turn into massive strops at 14 when DC is bigger than you.
Friends who were similarly strict with little kids havecharming young adults.

And sometimes your child is simply a contrary, stubborn little brat who simply doesn't respond to anything.

DS2 taught me not to be so smug about my parenting skills.

swallowedAfly · 08/02/2013 17:18

if you refer to your own child as a 'contrary, stubborn little brat' then i don't think you have got much to be smug about.

grovel · 08/02/2013 17:21

swallowedAfly, glad your post smug.

grovel · 08/02/2013 17:22

Glad your post wasn't smug.

swallowedAfly · 08/02/2013 17:29

if finding it yuk to hear people call their own child horrible names and doing the unfavourable comparison to siblings makes me smug then yep i'm smug as a smug thing.

NotADragonOfSoup · 08/02/2013 17:31

Wold you like help with the broomstick that you appear to have stuck somewhere problematic, swallowedafly?

NotADragonOfSoup · 08/02/2013 17:40

DS2 exhibits all bar one of the criteria for ODD. Which basically means he can be a contrary stubborn little brat. I don't cut him any slack and he is parented and loved exactly the same as his two siblings. If you think I love him any less deeply than the others you are hoisting your judgey pants up unnecessarily.

Had I had three children with the placid nature of DS1 I would have assumed I was a fantastic parent. DS2 taught me that an awful lot depends on the personality of the child and what works for one will not necessarily work for another.

swallowedAfly · 08/02/2013 17:45

i was pretty clear about what i was judging about and will stick with my right to an opinion on parenting. have heard too many people damaged by their parents labeling them horribly and comparing them to their siblings. whatever challenges your child presents you with i don't think labeling them 'a contrary, stubborn little brat' is good parenting.

NotADragonOfSoup · 08/02/2013 17:49

If you read my post, I didn't actually label him at all.

Also, last time I checked, he isn't posting here or reading anything.

He isn't going to be damaged by anything to do with my parenting, thanks.

TattyDevine · 08/02/2013 17:51

I might play devils advocate here and say in my mind its not whether you threw water or not but how you were as you did it, afterwards, etc.

So if you threw water, screamed, flounced off, yelled some more, said GET DRESSED I DONT CARE ITS WET, cried, he cried, you dragged him out the door, bad mood, silent in car/walk, hissed at him that you'd finish this conversation later as you stalked away from the school gate, much much worse than...

Cracked the shits and flung the water over him, saw his shocked expression, found the corner of your mouth was twitching uncontrollably, he sees this, you both burst out laughing, he mock complains his clothes are wet, you tell him to man up and put them on whilst stifling your giggles, he puts them on, you snort and raise your eyebrows and say, "you won't be doing that again will you buddy", you both chuckle, ruffle his hair, leave the house and move on.

Okay so maybe somewhere in between but see what I mean? Its all about context...

NotADragonOfSoup · 08/02/2013 17:52

One reason he won't be damaged my my parenting is because I know what his personality is and accept that he has faults. I don't expect a perfect little robot (to steal a phrase from someone else's past "behaviour" thread)

Nellabutterfly · 08/02/2013 17:56

Can't believe how many people think chucking a bit of water over a misbehaving child is abuse. Are your children water soluble?

And no, it wouldn't be abusive if my husband did it to me, either. Hmm

MolehillAlchemy · 08/02/2013 17:57

My lot were (and still are) like chalk and cheese, on a scale of saintly to demonic at times!

Some children have massive ..er.. personalities, and require a radically different approach to parenting.

I know that my children are totally different human beings, and that isn't down to me. It's hard-wired into them.

FauxFox · 08/02/2013 18:04

I have twins.

Have you tried making it a competition? First one to get dressed gets 20p/to choose the music in the car on the way to school/a mini choc in the lunchbox or make it a week long tournament and the winner gets to pick the weekend activity. Do you think that might work?

And don't stress all these posters telling you to get organised/be up earlier. If you haven't got a child that can waste indefinite amounts of time (I have) you just can't imagine how resistant and annoying they can be.

Have a Wine OP and start again next week.

IAmLouisWalsh · 08/02/2013 18:10

YANBU if he remembers it and it works.

On a scale of 1 - 10, I can think of about 9.7 things you could have done that would be worse!

hugoagogo · 08/02/2013 18:19

Immediate rewards are key; so tv or ds/ipod if dressed/washed/teeth/cleaned/fed/bags packed/shoes on.

I have also had success with dressing races.

It's not easy though.

Startail · 08/02/2013 18:26

Oxford what world do you live in,

DCs need to get to school, there siblings need to get to school, there parents need to get to work.
If that means a jug of water or a slap on the backside so be it.
Sometimes there is time for perfect to the book parenting and sometimes there simply isn't.

You can negotiate star charts and rewards at 5pm, you can't at 8.30 am.

DD2 went through a phase of deciding the world revolved around at about 9 or 10.
I remember finally loosing it and telling her she was a selfish bitch.

Not nice and I'm not proud of myself, but her big sister didn't need to be waiting around while she faffed. (I can't remember where we were going. Not school, she hated being late for school and nagged everyone else).

Later we talked and she said she didn't like being called names and I agreed that I shouldn't, but I did finally get through to her that there was a limit to everyone's patience.

No she didn't get better overnight, she's almost 12 and gradually in the last year she's got better.

Their Y6 teacher was supper and understood how to give them a bit of independence and roles to fill.

I'm happy for her to go to the shop or stay home for the odd hour and she no longer feels quite so pushed about.

I was very naughty at school in Y5 mostly because I was bored to tears.
In Y6 we were streamed and DDad let my cycle to town, so I understand why this age is so hard.

Understanding doesn't necessarily mean you handle things perfectly, especially when DD1 is a much less firery character than me, DH or DD2.

DizzyZebra · 08/02/2013 18:31

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LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 08/02/2013 18:39

^^ What TattyDevine the voice of reason, said.

Chandon · 08/02/2013 18:53

Tatty has it there.

Now, the way I do it with the DC (. 8 and 10) is that we get up at 7, then if they are dressed, including shoes, they are allowed to pay on the WII for 20 minutes. But only if they are dressed. I have a nice quiet cup of tea by myself.

Then breakfast at 7:30, teeth, some faffing, they may well try to incorporate some hurdle jumping, karate moves and wrestling Wink then leave at 8:15.

I find getting them dressed before breakfast and TV/computer to be working very well.