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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my daughter?

177 replies

Regbooboo · 07/02/2013 00:27

DD has a very heavy cold and is feeling rough. Grandson aged 9 months is also poorly with a cold. DD expects me to go to hers and look after the baby while she is feeling crook and I would be happy to do this but a I have a dog who isn't used to being on his own for long periods.

My DD lives approx a 1.5 hours journey from me ( by train and bus). I would need to leave home at 8 to get there for 9.30 and leave again at 1 to get home for 2.30 leaving the dog for 6.5 hours. My son-in-law gets home around 5. I asked why he couldn't have a few days from work but she said he wouldn't get paid if he rang in sick and only has 20 days holiday per year.

She was being quite arsey on the phone and said I put the dog before her and GS. I am really not I love them both to bits. I said if she could manage to drive over she could go to bed here and I would care for DS but she said she felt too ill. She out the phone down on me without saying love you like always and I feel really bad. AIBU and should I just leave the dog? My husband would be mad if I left the dog (he and my daughter don't get on - he's her stepdad) and I do realise I am pathetic.

OP posts:
LtEveDallas · 07/02/2013 06:40

This is the daughter you got into debt for buying large baby items on your catalogue? The debts you paid off using your engagement ring? The daughter that calls you a 'bad nanny' for smoking in your own home, and never around your grandchild?

I'd stick with the dog - its more loyal.

shemademedoit · 07/02/2013 06:49

Why does your daughter want you to get her cold? I'd actively discourage visitors if I was sick.

TidyDancer · 07/02/2013 06:53

What BoundandRebound said. And LtEveDallas.

diddl · 07/02/2013 06:57

Sounds as if it's the men at fault tbh!

Timetoask · 07/02/2013 07:27

I think you are BOTH unreasonable. (that is a first for me)
Your dd needs to toughen up, it's a cold!
You need to stop allowing a DOG rule your life.

diddl · 07/02/2013 07:34

I do agree that the dog shouldn´t be used as a reason.

But hey-OP can say no, can´t she?

Even if it was easy for her to do?

And when she gets ill-who´s going to give up their day(s) to look after her & the dog??

bbface · 07/02/2013 07:36

Lost both my parents in my twenties ore children.
In laws are thousands of miles away.

So perhaps the above makes me a bit of a softie.

There is nothing (certainly not a dog) that would stop me attending to my daughter (currently due in two weeks time) or my DS (2.5) if they rang me u and said they were I'll and needed me. I would be there like a whippet. My mother would have done exactly the same for me.

bbface · 07/02/2013 07:37

Not 'ore', 'pre'

flattyre · 07/02/2013 07:44

My parents and in-laws wouldn't hesitate. A neighbour would look after my parents' dog - although she can be left for the span if a working day. I can't imagine mum not coming if I asked, but then I'd have to be very ill to not be able to cope and DH would have to have something very important on at work not to take time out to help.

PenelopePisstop · 07/02/2013 07:44

YABU putting a dog (or any animal) before a person, especially your DD and DGC.

Your DD sounds like she just wants her mum but probably already knew that you would put DH and DDOG before her.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 07/02/2013 07:47

BoundandRebound, where does this 6 hour figure come from?!

diddl · 07/02/2013 07:48

"but then I'd have to be very ill to not be able to cope and DH would have to have something very important on at work not to take time out to help."

Yes to that!

I´m sure if OP really wanted to go she could/would.

From PP, it seems like there´s a back story.

Perhaps that´s the reason OP isn´t leaping into action.

Altinkum · 07/02/2013 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LtEveDallas · 07/02/2013 07:53

Dreaming, from OPs first (and only as always) post. She says she will be out of the house for 6.5 hours.

thegreylady · 07/02/2013 07:57

I think she must be feeling desperate to ask. If you can find a way to go eg ask a neighbour to let the dog out in the middle of the day; then you must go.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 07/02/2013 07:57

I'd go and leave the dog. I'm sure it will be fine for a few days. I'd want to go and help my dd. Thats what you do for family.

PuppyMonkey · 07/02/2013 08:10

Having spent the last couple of days since Saturday in bed with terrible flu, literally unable to get out of bed, I can sympathise with op's DD. You're sure it's just a "cold" are you, or is that interpretation to make you feel better about your decision?

Having said that, I think it's her DH who should have time off to help.

But you can't blame her for asking. The dog would've survived.

Sometimes you really can't "just get on with it."

tabulahrasa · 07/02/2013 08:13

I've had dogs that would have ripped up carpets and chewed through doors if suddenly left alone for that length of time - they don't often arrive fully trained and used to being left alone.

Besides it'd be 3 hours travelling to spend 3 and a half hours there - it's not really much of a help is it.

Can you not take the dog and stay overnight, or get your son in law to drop the baby off at your house?

AgentProvocateur · 07/02/2013 08:14

If I was feeling rough enough to have to ask someone to help and they refused because of a dog, I'd be so hurt that I'd reconsider our whole relationship. You said that your daughter accused you of loving the dog more than her, but you said you loved then both to bits, implying equally... I just can't get my head around this - loving your child, and the mother of your grandchild, as much as you love a dog.

AgentProvocateur · 07/02/2013 08:16

If I was feeling rough enough to have to ask someone to help and they refused because of a dog, I'd be so hurt that I'd reconsider our whole relationship. You said that your daughter accused you of loving the dog more than her, but you said you loved then both to bits, implying equally... I just can't get my head around this - loving your child, and the mother of your grandchild, as much as you love a dog.

SolomanDaisy · 07/02/2013 08:25

It's not normal or kind to put your dog ahead of your daughter and grandchild. Though I suspect it is actually your husband you're putting ahead of them. It is grim feeling ill when you also have an ill baby and in any caring family, relatives would want to help out. Fuck knows what's wrong with the people who think your daughter is being unreasonable, but I'm glad they're not in my family.

Joiningthegang · 07/02/2013 08:36

I am hoping this is a reverse thread. If this is the first time she has asked she probably took a long time before asked you as she knows how far away you are.

Your daughter is reaching out for some help - and nery heavy colds can be horrendous - and you tirn her down for a dog.

Nice

Yabu

skaen · 07/02/2013 08:38

Agree completely ^^.

I feel so lucky to be part of a family where people automatically help each other.

valiumredhead · 07/02/2013 08:39

I agree with Morloth

I have been battling with a really heavy cold for over a week, it's floored me, I'd need some help if my son was a toddler.

HecateWhoopass · 07/02/2013 08:40

I'd take the dog or ask a friend who lived near me to help me. I understand that a dog can't really be left all day, but your daughter's feeling like death warmed over and she wanted your help for a few hours. If there was any way at all to make that happen, I would.

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