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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting soap in your childs mouth because they said something cheeky?

78 replies

PlanningAnEscape · 06/02/2013 23:40

I help out at an after school club three days a week.

There is one little girl there, she is aged 5. She is a lovely child, very confident and happy but she can be a little cheeky at times. But not in a brattish way.

Anyway today she told me that her mum once took her upstairs and put soap in her mouth because she was being cheeky.

It quite upset me, or perhaps I am very sensitive? It's just not something that I would do to my child.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 06/02/2013 23:41

No, that's awful.

yaimee · 06/02/2013 23:43

Absolutely not in a million years should this happen!

Porkster · 06/02/2013 23:44

It's abusive.

Nagoo · 06/02/2013 23:45

It isn't something I would do. I don't think you are being oversensitive. You aren't on here raging about social services, which I have seen people do over this topic.

Aspiemum2 · 06/02/2013 23:46

She might not be being entirely truthful though - my parents used to threaten to wash my mouth out with soap. They never did

FlorriesDragons · 06/02/2013 23:46

Not something I would do.

Something that did happen to my DH when he was a child though - just the once I am to understand. I was threatened with it though. It's a bit of an Old School thing I think.

ceeveebee · 06/02/2013 23:49

I had my mouth washed out with soap a few times. I swear like a trooper now though so it doesn't even work.
Now I have my own DCs I can't understand how my DM could have done it. And rubbed my nose in piss soaked sheets when I wet the bed too. And when she slapped I could feel her wedding rings on the back of my head

It's pretty much child abuse IMO

Charmingbaker · 06/02/2013 23:49

When my brother was 5 he learnt the phrase 'f* off'. He said it once in the garden, my mum told him she'd wash his mouth out if he ever did it again. He ran round to the front garden and shouted it out at the top of his voice. She put a tiny bit of fairy liquid on her finger and popped it in his mouth, don't recall him swearing again for several years later.

CoolaSchmoola · 06/02/2013 23:50

It is abusive - you need to report it.

fridgepants · 06/02/2013 23:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Greensleeves · 06/02/2013 23:52

That is really sad. Poor little girl.

Does her mum seem particularly stressed, or does she struggle to cope?

I might have a word with the child's teacher, if I had heard this. It is a safeguarding issue, and it may form part of a pattern. Or not, and the mum may need a bit of support. But it is wrong Sad

MrsBonkers · 06/02/2013 23:55

CVB
Are you me?
Had my mouth washed out with soap for continuously sticking my tongue out. Also face rubbed in wet sheets.
CANNOT ever imagine being at the end of my tether enough to do this to my DD - and I say this as someone who suffers from depression which led to PND making me really strung out!

Greensleeves · 06/02/2013 23:56

face rubbed in wet sheets Sad

that is unforgiveable

fridgepants · 06/02/2013 23:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Original poster
PlanningAnEscape · 06/02/2013 23:57

I've never actually met her mum, I usually leave with about half an hour left and she is still there. I have seen her dad once ... and he seemed alright, I never spoke to him though.

She does seem like a very happy little girl though, and she made a necklace for her mum the other day. It just took me by surprise when she said

"My mummy once took me upstairs and put soap in my mouth because I was being cheeky"

So I don't even know how long ago this would have been?

Should I say something?

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 06/02/2013 23:59

Remember my parents making me stand there with the soap in my hand whilst I cried and made me apologise for saying something they didn't like.

Also had mustard and horseraddish put on my tongue.

Screwed with my head.

Speak to someone about it.

Greensleeves · 07/02/2013 00:01

Children who are being mistreated can still appear happy and confident, and they love their parents and make things for them just like any other child. My mum's social workers always commented on what a mature and delightful child I was.

I'd still report this, initially to the school (because they have established procedures and can access services more quickly than individuals can)

Ieathatsforbreakfast · 07/02/2013 00:06

You need to speak to someone about it, whoever is in charge of safeguarding at the school. Anything like this needs to be reported because even the tiniest seemingly unimportant thing a child says could be a sign of serious stuff going on. Not that I'm saying this is unimportant, I think its pretty awful.

LegArmpits · 07/02/2013 00:16

I remember a TEACHER doing this to a kid, some 32 years ago...

Sianilaa · 07/02/2013 00:21

YANBU to be upset, that's horrible.

I'm not sure about how serious she might be though - do you think it was a threat? It did it actually happen?

I got a rather unpleasant phone call from my youngest DS's preschool teacher as apparently my son told her that daddy always kicks him hard up the bottom! He doesn't..! In fact I don't think he's ever done it, even in a jokey way!. Not sure where that came from but it took me a while to convince her we weren't kicking him!

So if you're genuinely concerned, I'd mention it to the teacher.

HappilyUnhinged · 07/02/2013 00:24

I had a teacher do this to me, 33 years ago. Never thought of it as abusive, though it was nasty. I recalled the tale to my own DD a few weeks ago who thought it was a great idea, lol, and relished the idea of it having been done to me... :)

pigletmania · 07/02/2013 00:26

I admit I kinda soaped dd mouth when she was a toddler when I found her eating the toilet brush Envy, I panicked Blush. 6 yeas on she still loves me or so se says

LegArmpits · 07/02/2013 00:26

Happily your name isn't Raymond, is it?!

HappilyUnhinged · 07/02/2013 00:38

Umm no, afraid I don't get the reference either. Am I missing something?

SirIronBottom · 07/02/2013 00:44

Of course YANBU to be revolted by this. It isn't 1937 any more.

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