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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Putting soap in your childs mouth because they said something cheeky?

78 replies

PlanningAnEscape · 06/02/2013 23:40

I help out at an after school club three days a week.

There is one little girl there, she is aged 5. She is a lovely child, very confident and happy but she can be a little cheeky at times. But not in a brattish way.

Anyway today she told me that her mum once took her upstairs and put soap in her mouth because she was being cheeky.

It quite upset me, or perhaps I am very sensitive? It's just not something that I would do to my child.

OP posts:

catladycourtney1 · 07/02/2013 00:56

fridgepants my parents used to threaten me with the childrens' home. We laugh about it now, but when I was probably about six, they pretended to ring the childrens' home, then told me someone was coming to fetch me and made me pack a bag and everything. I remember they told me I was only allowed to take one toy, and I couldn't choose. It does sound awful actually! And I'm only 21 now, so not that long ago either. I think they were just very sadly misinformed :/

I disagree very strongly that anyone should rub a dog's face in its own piss to train it, however; as if they're going to understand why you're doing that! I do understand what your point is though, it's a totally unacceptable way to treat a child.

catladycourtney1 · 07/02/2013 01:05

Oh, almost forgot what we're on about! OP, YADNBU. Parents should know better than this by now. What if she'd swallowed it? And anyway, at five years old, what is she really learning? There's no need for things like that.

Although are you sure she was being entirely truthful? I know it's better to err on the side of caution in matters like these, but kids do have a tendency to stretch the truth and be a bit dramatic. Maybe her mother just threatened to do it? Do you know her mum? I'd say definitely mention it to someone who can investigate.

CoolaSchmoola · 07/02/2013 01:06

It's an unacceptable way to treat a child OR a dog.....

StuntGirl · 07/02/2013 01:09

I think it's a very old fashioned way of dealing with kids. I certainly remember being threatened with it, and the children's home. Neither were followed through at all.

Rowanhart · 07/02/2013 01:30

It could be worse...

My mother's mother made her write a letter to the Cottage Homes asking them to come and get her and post it.

She then made mum pack her bags and sit in the hall for two days and nights waiting for them.

Mum was five

sashh · 07/02/2013 03:12

She might not be being entirely truthful though - my parents used to threaten to wash my mouth out with soap. They never did

Mine did. Flannel full of soap over my entire mouth, gums, teeth.

Yes it's abuse.

Iactuallydothinkso · 07/02/2013 06:20

I know some one who proudly announced she did this to her dd when her dd was about 12. I was absolutely horrified and told her so.

Totally changed the relationship between us and other mutual friends were equally horrified.

exoticfruits · 07/02/2013 06:42

There was a thread like this before- the majority view was that you could do it as 'part of a loving relationship'!! i.e a teacher would lose their job over it but a parent could do it. IMO it is not acceptable ever.

Snowydrift · 07/02/2013 06:47

My father did this to me as a child for being cheeky but is from the Middle Ages

Lavendersbluedillydilly1969 · 07/02/2013 07:29

My mum did this in the seventies and early eighties. Mouth scrubbed out with soap or washing up liquid for swearing, a big drop of tabasco sauce under the tongue and then mouth held closed (this hurt it was so hot), and a spoonful of flour on your tongue to see if you were lying. This last worked because if you were scared your tongue stayed dry, if you hadn't lied the flour got damp.
Needless to say, my mum and I don't have the closest relationship and I would never do any of these to my DC in a million years.

PfftTheMagicDraco · 07/02/2013 07:32

My mother did this to me and I've never forgotten it. Nor really forgiven her.

I'm not saying the child shouldn't be believed, but sometimes they do say things that are untrue.

pigletmania · 07/02/2013 07:41

Omg rowen that's awful your poor mum

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 07/02/2013 07:55

Fridgepants no, that really isn't how you train a dog!! Please tell me you weren't serious.

Fairylea · 07/02/2013 07:55

I'm pretty sure at one time the nspcc had it listed as one example of abusive behaviour. I haven't looked on their site recently so I don't know if it's still there. It is abusive though and totally unnecessary. I always get really annoyed by parents who think such invasive punishments are a good way to prove a point.

Altinkum · 07/02/2013 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyRainicorn · 07/02/2013 08:07

I'm another one remembering it happening in primary school. Maybe 25yrs ago?

Still wouldn't do it to my dc.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 07/02/2013 08:18

I told my ds once that parents used to do that if their children were naughty...later that day I found him in the bathroom licking a (new) bar saying how nice it tasted! He was only 7!!

munchkinmaster · 07/02/2013 08:19

As you said you help out I'm guessing you're not in charge so I think you tell whoever is in charge or responsible for safeguarding. They will make the call on what to do but at the very least will have it noted down properly so should other things crop up elsewhere all the info will be together so they can make a decision what to do.

Why don't you also suggest that the volunteers should all be included in the schools next child protection update training?

TroublesomeEx · 07/02/2013 09:53

My mum used to do that to my brother all the time.

It was just one of the many dubious discipline techniques in my parents' arsenal that included ritual humiliation; bullying; threatening; locking in the garden; locking in the porch; hitting with things; withdrawing affection and food as punishment.

My mum considered it to be one of the tamer punishments which is why my brother got it and I didn't.

You do need to say something. She's only 5 now. You've no idea how her parents will react as she gets older and 'cheekier'.

Tell the person responsible for child protection in school. The bottom line is, this child has potentially disclosed something to you. It's not your place to decide if it's worthy of doing anything about or not. The school will have people trained to make that decision for you. It's your responsibility to tell the people whose job it is.

TroublesomeEx · 07/02/2013 09:54

Why don't you also suggest that the volunteers should all be included in the schools next child protection update training?

Yes, that's a very good idea.

Naysa · 07/02/2013 09:56

frigepants Nope. That's not how you train a dog.

You teach a dog like you teach a child. Positive reinforcement and clear instructions.

Rubbing a dog's nose in wee is abusive and doesn't work anyway.

Sorry to go off topic but it gets my back up when people suggest that that is a training method.

ConferencePear · 07/02/2013 10:02

A teacher did this to me when I was 7 because I referred to her as 'she' rather than by her name. She should never have been allowed near children let alone teach them. I think it made it worse that this kind of thing never happened at home.

I think it's completely unacceptable.

Bejeena · 07/02/2013 10:16

Hmmmmmmmmm

Five year olds are prone to telling the odd fib aren't they?

Could it possibly be that the mother has threatened to do this (my Mum always used to threaten me with it saying my Nan used to do it to her, but never did it) and that the child is exagerrating?

When I cast my mind back to my creative 5 year old imagination I used to make up all sorts of white lies!

kissmyheathenass · 07/02/2013 10:23

Making your child sit and wait with bags to be collected by the children's home is unbelievably fucking cruel. My stomach turned when I read Rowanhars post.

TBH, I dont see the soap thing as a big deal, done once to make a point as to unacceptable behaviour. I am surprised everyone else sees it as so terrible.

TroublesomeEx · 07/02/2013 10:28

I think the important thing, OP, is to remember that you have a responsibility to pass this on to the responsible person in school. It's not your place to decide whether or not the child was lying or whether or not it's a big deal or not.

Schools have a responsibility to record all issues of concern and you have no way of knowing if this child is already 'known' or being watched.

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