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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting soap in your childs mouth because they said something cheeky?

78 replies

PlanningAnEscape · 06/02/2013 23:40

I help out at an after school club three days a week.

There is one little girl there, she is aged 5. She is a lovely child, very confident and happy but she can be a little cheeky at times. But not in a brattish way.

Anyway today she told me that her mum once took her upstairs and put soap in her mouth because she was being cheeky.

It quite upset me, or perhaps I am very sensitive? It's just not something that I would do to my child.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 07/02/2013 10:29

The point being that it isn't your place to decide whether or not it's important enough to pass on, you just have to do it. Don't make a big deal, just say "look, I don't know if it's anything to worry about but X said....... and I just thought I ought to mention it to someone"

That's all. Smile

munchkinmaster · 07/02/2013 10:30

bejeena thing is op doesn't know if it's a fib or not and it's not really her call (or responsibility) she can fire it up the chain and rest easy she has done the right thing.

SPsFanjoIsAsComfyAsAOnesie · 07/02/2013 10:31

My mum put washing liquid in my brothers mouth when he was younger as he wouldn't stop swearing.

she felt bad instantly and gave him a drink of water. Grin He blew bubbles for a while!

I wouldn't do it as my son would probably like the taste

GetOrf · 07/02/2013 10:34

What horrible things people do to their children to discipline them. Though god knows why I am surprised.

OP I would certainly raise it with the child's teacher.

pictish · 07/02/2013 10:40

Ds1's little friend at his first school, I remember his mum telling me about how she got him to stop wetting the bed at the age of 5. She put him in a nappy and made him eat dinner sitting in a high chair, because if he was going to act like a baby, he'd be treated like one!

I was Shock Shock Shock

I didn't know what to say! I have never forgotten it. Apparently the boy in question who is 11 now is having a lot of problems at school, being angry all the time and hitting people.

So inevitable. And you know what? I know his mum really really loves him. She truly thinks she's doing the right thing.

Catchingmockingbirds · 07/02/2013 10:44

Why on earth would you ever put soap in your child's mouth? My son is 6 and I can't think of anything he could say to me that would drive me to do that to him.

havingastress · 07/02/2013 10:49

YANBU...it's awful..that's if it's true? Kids do sometimes say things that aren't.

However, I wouldn't take the risk. I would pass this information on to the teacher. It may form part of a bigger picture.

Definitely say something.

AllThatGlistens · 07/02/2013 11:08

Oh god that's sickening Sad

Purely a rhetorical question of course, but how on earth do people still think this is an acceptable way to parent?!

Of course children come out with all sorts of wild tales but I would absolutely be mentioning it to the teacher, just in case..

ouryve · 07/02/2013 11:10

It's a vile thing to do. Just as vile as "hot saucing" - yes, I've heard of mothers putting tabasco on their kids' tongues for being cheeky.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 07/02/2013 11:13

No. Just no.

Sugarice · 07/02/2013 11:26

ouryve yes I had a friend who put a drop of tabasco on herds's tongue once or twice when she considered he'd been rude/ cheeky.

Sugarice · 07/02/2013 11:26

her ds's not herds!

valiumredhead · 07/02/2013 11:58

OP have you not had safe guarding training?

LaQueen · 07/02/2013 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dannilion · 07/02/2013 12:18

My lovely grandmother did this to me when I was about 6, don't think I'm particularly traumatized though.

Never swore much as a child after that and still don't swear much now. I wouldn't do it to my own kids as I don't think it is necessary but I had never considered it 'abuse' until I read this thread. Just a very strict/ old-school way of keeping your kids in order.

This parenting lark is a minefield...

AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/02/2013 13:08

OP, you have an obligation to report this as a safeguarding issue. You won't get in to trouble, and nor will anyone need to know it's come from you. For all the posters saying that 5yo DC exagerrate/make things up, yes, of course they do. But it isn't your/OP's decision to make, whether this little girl is making things up. At which point, and at which type of revelation would you decide that it might be true or fabrication?! So, OP, just tell the person with safeguarding responsibility exactly what the girl said.
And, IMO, this and various forms of hot sauce/children home threats are most definitely emotional abuse and physical abuse, however much "never did me any harm" pronouncements there are.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 07/02/2013 13:16

You say she is very happy and confident - so she could actually be telling porky pies as another poster suggested. Quite a few of DS1's friends tell me things that are really very untrue when they come round and play!

TroublesomeEx · 07/02/2013 13:27

Even if she is telling porkies, that's not the OP's call to make. She still has to report it.

ArtemisatBrauron · 07/02/2013 13:28

To all those saying "she might be lying"... that is not a risk anyone who works with children can take. Assuming children are lying about abuse is unacceptable - all responsible adults have the duty to safeguard children in their care.

OP - do not think "what if I'm wrong", think "what if I'm right" - if you don't flag this and later find out there is abuse you will feel terrible. It isn't going to do any harm to flag it up to the Child Protection officer in school or to the teacher (who should then pass it on to the CP officer).

No matter how confident/happy the child may seem, anything could be going on at home. It's not always the scruffy/sad/odd children who are being abused, sadly it happens in all types of home.

Totallyataloss · 07/02/2013 13:30

I remember a little boy at my school who kept going into the girls toilets. So the teacher made him wear a girl's summer dress from lost property all day... Sad

Phill2cool · 19/08/2019 22:43

Toy don't even treat a dog like that yet alone a child, and yes my mother did it to me and I can't even remember why, I'm 47 now

WhyBirdStop · 19/08/2019 22:52

It's something my gran used to say but would never do 'keep being cheeky young lady and I'll wash your mouth out with soap'. She would also wave a newspaper at DB and threaten to 'tan his backside', we just used to laugh, and then she would too, she never laid a finger on either of us. It's cruel.

Gertie75 · 19/08/2019 22:54

My Mum did it to me once, I was annoyed with my brother and shouted piss off as loud as I could, she marched me indoors and put a bar of pears soap in my mouth.

I've never thought of it as abuse, it certainly didn't bother me any more than a general telling off did.

WhyBirdStop · 19/08/2019 22:55

Oh FFS ZOMBIE THREAD!!

BlueSuffragette · 19/08/2019 22:58

The child has disclosed to you that she has been abused. You have a duty of care to follow the after school club's safeguarding procedure. If you are a helper or a member of staff you must flow the safeguarding procedure. Inform the safeguarding officer asap and record your recollection of exactly what the child told you using their terminolgy rather than your own interpretation.