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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with nephew for joining EDL?

48 replies

lilly40 · 06/02/2013 22:57

Just saw on Facebook my 22 year old nephew has joined the EDL. I'm horrified, embarrassed, angry and really disappointed with him. I've been an anti racist campaigner for years now. I'm in a mixed relationship, and have children and one on the way. My nephew is currently borrowing my sons laptop. AIBU to want it back and not want him spreading his messages if hate in it?

OP posts:
TheFallenNinja · 06/02/2013 22:58

Yanbu. Get your stuff back and cut him off.

FannyFifer · 06/02/2013 22:59

Go get your laptop back from the racist little prick.

SirBoobAlot · 06/02/2013 22:59

Nope, get it back, and tell him exactly why.

Picturesinthefirelight · 06/02/2013 23:00

YANBU. Bunch of nutters I've seen the aftermath if one if their marches

manicbmc · 06/02/2013 23:00

Get it back. Tell him he's a twat. And make sure he hasn't put any nasty racist crap on it.

Cassarick · 06/02/2013 23:01

Get your laptop back. But - he is entitled to do what he wants and join what he wants. It's called 'freedom of expression'. Just because he doesn't agree with your choices should not be an issue.

ravenAK · 06/02/2013 23:01

What they all said.

toomuch2young · 06/02/2013 23:02

Yes YADNBU.
See above!!

timidviper · 06/02/2013 23:03

I think young men of 22 are less mature than we expect them to be (and I speak as a mother of one of similar age). He may not have fully thought through the implications of this.

Do you know him well enough to meet him and talk about it? I would tell him you are not happy having your laptop used to potentiate this hate. Ask him how he thinks horrid groups like this make your family feel? Take it back if he doesn't back down and apologise

Educating him is better than conflict if you can.

yaimee · 06/02/2013 23:08

I know that this sounds an obvious and silly question bit have you checked that its the English Defence League that he's joined, there are a few fairly recent parodies of the EDL, English Disco Lovers/League is the main one and I think it has more likes than the real EDL.
Just a thought, if not yanbu!

Original poster
lilly40 · 06/02/2013 23:10

I've spoken to my nephew many times about racism we've suffered as a family and how racist groups spread that hate. I really though he understood my viewpoint. He moved up here from the countryside after getting in with the wrong crowd. I put him up for some time and really helped him out. He's now living in Hemel Hempstead and last time he visited us he was complaining about polish taking all the jobs there and I had to speak to him about his views. He knows full well how I feel about racism. More so as I wasn't even born in this country. I was born in Australia and came here when I was a small child. So I'm a foreigner taking jobs from him too??? Don't know how to feel and what to say further to him. He doesn't know I've seen what he's joined yet.

OP posts:
Bakingnovice · 06/02/2013 23:22

Yadnbu. Edl are a totally vile group.

Sadly, more and more people are starting to think they are an acceptable group. Get your laptop back and tell him how you feel. We live in very scary times.

Writehand · 06/02/2013 23:28

YANBU. But I think timidviper's educational, gentle approach might bear the most fruit. (See how I got the word viper and fruit into the same sentence? Would you Adam and Eve it?)

When you say the wrong crowd, OP, what exactly do you mean? Curious.

CuttedUpPear · 06/02/2013 23:32

You might be intersted in this great FB group and website which is trying to displace the EDL in google searches.

It's called the English Disco Lovers and if you like them on FB and visit their website you'll be helping to spread the love, not the racism.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 06/02/2013 23:33

YANBU.
I agree with what others have said though. Young people often get caught up in big movements, but don't stop to think about the individual people. If you can talk to him about any EDL and what they say about you and your family. He might genuinely have not thought about it that way.

yaimee · 06/02/2013 23:36

Ooohh, another English Disco Lover! waves

fridgepants · 06/02/2013 23:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

CuttedUpPear · 06/02/2013 23:39

Disco Grin

FamiliesShareGerms · 06/02/2013 23:41

YANBU

Latara · 06/02/2013 23:44

YANBU - the EDL are just a bunch of racist thugs. I would be upset too, definitely.

MechanicalTheatre · 06/02/2013 23:44

Go and get your laptop back off him and explain to him why.

YADNBU

sleepingsatellite18 · 07/02/2013 00:20

YANBU. At all.

EllenL82 · 07/02/2013 00:22

YANBU, definitely. It's true you can't police people's thoughts, and people have the right to have their own views however unpleasant, but that doesn't mean they have the right not to be challenged. If somebody holds extremist views on anything, they have to expect that most people will have a strong reaction especially with regards to bigotry. I would take the lap top back, absolutely; he's old enough to know the implications of his beliefs and consider the impact on you and your family.

DizzyZebra · 07/02/2013 00:35

YANBU to want to fetch your laptop - His actions make you want to distance yourself, and generally when we distance ourselves from a person we don't leave that person with high value goods of ours.

He is entitled to his own beliefs, no matter how bad they are, and all you can really do in that respect is try to explain to him why his actions have hurt you and what they say about him.

ll31 · 07/02/2013 01:39

He's entitled to his beliefs , not just beliefs you agree with.

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