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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to tell this woman why I don't want to be friends with her on Fb

26 replies

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 06/02/2013 21:17

So, as part of my job, I use social media. I use my own Facebook profile, through which I am a page 'admin' for my company's 'page' on Facebook. I could have set up a second Fb account, just for work, but I didn't.

I have 'befriended' a number of people in our industry in order to allow them to see what I (as me, not as our page) post on the company page. No problem with this, I control what they see via the settings.

However, there's one woman who I absolutely detest, who does occasional work for/with us. She's awful - really snide, catty and unpleasant (we call her 'the scold') and we dread her being in contact/in the office.

She friend requested me on facebook, and I ignored it, since I have no desire to be her 'friend' in any sphere. All the people I've befriended for work reasons are people I have met, generally find to be pleasant or nice, and whilst I wouldn't consider them 'friends', I'm not unhappy for them to be in the wider 'acquantainces' pool of Facebook friends. This woman does NOT fall in this category - I don't want her to be a friend in any way.

So (finally to the point!) she sent me a message saying 'Hi Humpty, Just as a matter of interest, I sent you a friend request in way back last year and it's been ignored. Was there some reason? Best wishes, The Scold'.

AIBU to reply and say 'Dear Scold, thanks for your message. I don't feel that we are 'friends', and I do try to keep Facebook just for friends, since I use my personal profile to administer the company page'?

It's not strictly true - there are other 'friends' who are on paper, just like her. I just can't bear to have to befriend her. Help!

OP posts:

Shallishanti · 06/02/2013 21:22

see, this is why I don't do facebook- I like to keep my personal life and professional life strictly seperate. I don't quite follow your problem as I'm not familiar with fb and settings, but if it's a work page/persona, surely it makes sense for a work contact to be a 'friend'- isn't that the point?

Katla · 06/02/2013 21:24

I think that sounds a reasonable plan - how brazen of her to ask though how tempting to reveal the truth

EauRouge · 06/02/2013 21:24

Just add her but restrict what she can see on your profile to almost nothing, and block her from your news feed. She's happy, you're happy.

HeathRobinson · 06/02/2013 21:25

Ok, don't quite follow as I don't FB.

But, I think you should probably convert your existing FB profile into your work profile and accept this woman, as she falls into the same category as other friends.

Then set up a more private profile just for you.

Is that possible?

WipsGlitter · 06/02/2013 21:25

You need to separate the accounts, or set up your own one. I she is attempting to "friend" you in a professional capacity and you are refusing her that's not on and if one of my social media managers did that I'd be very cross. Your company needs a proper social media policy.

Original poster

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 06/02/2013 21:26

Meh, you're prob right. I just think she's so vile, it feels wrong to click 'add friend'. I want to yell she's not my friend when I do it - that's not U, right?

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 06/02/2013 21:27

I wouldnt have even answered her.

McNewPants2013 · 06/02/2013 21:30

as she is part of the team i think it unprofessional not to add her

HildaOgden · 06/02/2013 21:32

Separate the 2,business and real -life friends,and don't allow any crossovers.Reply to her 'thanks a million for reminding me,I had forgotten all about that ...actually,I was supposed to be separating my accounts at that time and meant to add you to my business profile.Completely slipped my mind,cheers for the reminder!!!!Sending you request now'.

Then block her from your personal profile,and spam her with Farmville requests on your business account

Herrena · 06/02/2013 21:34

Since she's a work contact, I think you probably have to suck it up. I can see why it grates though!

MechanicalTheatre · 06/02/2013 21:34

You should have separate work/personal profiles, really. What if some japer writes "wosssssuuuuup Humpty, ye old cunt, ye?!?!?" on your wall? [frets]

I wouldn't add her nor would I reply. Brazen it out. This utter cunt tried to friend me a few months back and it was SO delightful denying her access to my friendship.

Loie159 · 06/02/2013 21:34

I think it depends how many "friends" she has on FB tbh. I have had 2 people from the past repeatedly ask me to be their friends. One was always a bit of a bitch but she kept asking even though I ignored her. In the end I saw that she had something like 675 friends (!!) and do I just accepted , and then after a month deleted her. She had no real desire to be my friend, she was just determined to have as many as possible do she didn't even notice me deleting her. If you do need to be friends due to work then you are going to have to set up a new work profile page and befriend her on that page.

carabos · 06/02/2013 21:36

Two points - first one, what Wipsglitter said.

Second one, did she message you with her query about why you hadn't friended her via FB or separately to your work email account? It is convention to stick to one medium iyswim, so not good practice to chase someone round like that between personal and work contacts.

As you can see, the problem has been caused by you using your personal FB for work FB purposes. What if something happened to you or you left your job? You need to get this sorted out, it is v unprofessional and perhaps that it behind The Scold's irritation?

FCEK · 06/02/2013 21:37

if you friend her, put her on 'restricted', she won't be able to see anything anyway. I do this with lots of people because I'm too cowardly to say why I haven't accepted their request

Or you could just block her which means she can't even send you messages, but if you were to see her you'd still have to say why

Writehand · 06/02/2013 21:41

This is a work thing. You have to suck it up and add her immediately, with a breezy apology. Anything else is unprofessional and unfair. If I was your boss I'd bollock you over it (if I knew).

If you want just people you like to be friends you need a personal FB account.

Jojobump1986 · 06/02/2013 21:43

Reply with "Yes, there was." & leave it at that! If she asks again just tell her it's personal & you don't wish to discuss it. That'll leave her confused & just not quite sure if she should be offended without you actually having to say anything mean to her!
Or you could just chicken out like I would & add her but not let her see anything.

Original poster

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 06/02/2013 21:44

Okay, I've added her. We're a vv small organisation, she's not 'part of the team', but comes in once every three or four months as a kind of external contractor to do work for us.
I was asked to start being a page admin and not told to set up a separate Fb profile (quite the opposite - boss wanted me to use my contacts who were already friends!) to do so when I started this job. I have now learnt the hard way and will set up a 'business' profile asap - thanks for advice all.

OP posts:

gimmecakeandcandy · 06/02/2013 22:31

I've added people and gone into my privacy settings - and then custom and restricted what they can see (to nothing!) so just do that!

AViewfromtheFridge · 06/02/2013 22:39

Definitely put her on restricted profile, then all she can see of your page is what the general public can see.

WilsonFrickett · 06/02/2013 22:52

But make sure you restrict her too. I have lots of ex colleagues but I keep them on my 'acquaintance' list and don't share much with them. It's also really bad practice for your personal and work pages to be mixed. But everyone else has said that.

Morloth · 06/02/2013 22:59

I would completely separate the personal from the professional.

No cross over at all. I don't have any of my colleagues as friends on my facebook page.

It doesn't matter that you don't like her, if she is a client she needs to be treated as such.

Thumbwitch · 06/02/2013 23:03

I agree that you should have separate accounts, sorry. Just create a new one for the business side, move over the people you want there and delete them from your personal account.

I really don't think it's a good look to have professional stuff on your personal page in the circumstances you describe.

Picturesinthefirelight · 06/02/2013 23:05

I administer a company page but I haven't friended anyone. Best to keep it separate.

StuntGirl · 07/02/2013 01:20

Deffo. need separate accounts.

FreePeaceSweet · 07/02/2013 07:48

No advice I'm afraid but this reminded me. I deleted about 30 people off my page last year (one's I added but didn't talk to, one's where the only contact was game requests etc) I had 4 messages demanding to know why I deleted them! Yikes have some pride people. :o Its not personal I just don't care about sending you a tractor or buying you some seeds.

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