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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DP he's invited to the wedding but I don't think he should go?

33 replies

FacebookInvestigator · 06/02/2013 15:30

DP has met my family and friends. I have met most of his family but none of his friends (he's introduced me when passing but that's it). If ever he gets invited to anything, he never invites me along.

We've now been together just under a year (about 10 months to be exact) and I have been invited to a wedding. He is also invited as my "other half".

However, I'm a little sick of him always having the pleasure of being 100% involved in my life yet never inviting me into his so AIBU to tell him that despite being invited, I don't actually want him to go as he wouldn't take me along in similar circumstances? Or is it childish/petty?

OP posts:
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 06/02/2013 15:32

Its quite childish, yes. Have you asked him why he doesnt involve you more?

DreamingofNutella · 06/02/2013 15:32

Maybe it's time to ask him why you haven't met his friends/family..?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/02/2013 15:33

YANBU....what is good for the goose and all that.

But your real issue is.....why is he not inviting you along? Do his mates partners go out when he goes out or is it just all lads together?

DreamingofNutella · 06/02/2013 15:33

Xpost!

EasilyBored · 06/02/2013 15:33

He's not secretly married to someone else is he?

Omnishambolic · 06/02/2013 15:34

Very childish, very petty. (And also I would have thought an own goal - I don't think there are many men who will boo hoo and change their minds because they aren't allowed to go to a wedding of one of their girlfriend's friends. I reckon he'll consider that a result and will cement the separate social lives thing you have at present since "you do it too".)

Dahlen · 06/02/2013 15:34

It would be far better to talk to him about it. Wink

AnyFucker · 06/02/2013 15:35

Rather than playing "tit for tat" I would be thinking very hard about whether I wanted to stay with someone who treated me like he does

Original poster
FacebookInvestigator · 06/02/2013 15:35

Well on his work nights outs I can kind of understand why he doesn't invite me and he is entitled to go out with his mates without having to drag me along - totally understand that. But he's been invited to a wedding which he didn't invite me to and there was a family do at new year which he decided not to go to as he'd arranged to spend it with me. My suggestion of us BOTH going was quickly rubbished.

OP posts:
Cluffyfunt · 06/02/2013 15:35

I would have a chat about it with him.

Tell him about the invite and explain how it makes you feel.
You're unhappy with the way your relationship is now. Is he willing to change it or lose you?

Lifes too short to be unhappy.

NorthernLurker · 06/02/2013 15:37

Well this is just daft. He is excluding you from an important part of his life and you think it will help if you exclude him from part of yours? Hmm

Talk to him, tell him you would like him to come with you and you would be willing to go to things on his 'side' - so why isn't he including you?

Omnishambolic · 06/02/2013 15:37

The wedding - was he given a plus one and decided against using it, or are you actually complaining that you weren't invited by the bride and groom?

The NY thing - maybe he didn't particularly want to see his family, is he close to them?

annielouisa · 06/02/2013 15:38

Are the events things with his friends? I wonder if there is an ex girl friend who is part of the social circle and friends are just not inviting you as his plus one out of respect. I am not for one minute calling you the OW just wondering.

deleted203 · 06/02/2013 15:39

I think I'd be pretty concerned where this relationship was going, in your shoes. It strikes me as odd that 10 months into a relationship you don't socialise as a couple (or at least not with his friends), and that if he's invited to stuff he goes as a single man.

By all means go along to the wedding on your own if you wish to. But I think you probably need to accept at that point, if you do so, that you and he are not really in a relationship together. It sounds like you are casually seeing each other rather than committed to any kind of partnership.

SanityClause · 06/02/2013 15:40

Perhaps take the opportunity to talk to him about why he doesn't take you along to his social events.

If he wouldn't invite you to a wedding as a "plus one", I don't honk he sound that omitted to your relationship, TBH.

SanityClause · 06/02/2013 15:41

Honk? Think!

hellsbellsmelons · 06/02/2013 15:41

Wow - loads of posts today that I could have written except mine has been almost 2 years!!! Never met any of his family or closer friends!
We are having a 'chat' tonight to try to bottom things out.
I would suggest you do the same.
I have loads of notes to go through with him.
Write down your thoughts and talk them through.

SanityClause · 06/02/2013 15:42

And "sounds that committed", FFS!

nefertarii · 06/02/2013 15:45

Really childish. Ridiculous, in fact. Sorry.

It won't resolve the issue.
It will only confirm to him that its ok to exclude you.
You will still be pissed off.

Why not discuss the issue like people in an adult relationship?

Crinkle77 · 06/02/2013 15:49

Maybe with the wedding his invitiation did not include a plus 1? And maybe he wanted to have you all to himself for your first new year

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 06/02/2013 15:50

well, depends on how much you want him there tbh helpful

CartedOff · 06/02/2013 15:50

If it's causing such resentment that you want to stop inviting him to things in order to get back at him then now is the time to talk about it and ask why you have never met his friends. I think it's really rude for him to integrate himself into your life and enjoy all of the events you go to and friends you have, but you get nothing in return.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/02/2013 15:55

If I were you I'd try and get to the bottom of this before any more time elapses and you invest more in this relationship.

Oh, and take him as your plus 1 and make sure everyone gets lots of snaps and wait for it to all go on Facebook. Then sit back and wait and see if there's a storm of protest from Another Woman.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/02/2013 16:07

I find it very very strange that after 10 months you have met none of his friends; I would want to have a conversation about why that is. I wouldn't even mention the wedding invitation, until I was sure I actually wanted this man to be in my life at all, given that I feature so little in his.

Startail · 06/02/2013 16:10

I'd LTB, phrases liked dragged along just don't sit with me in the context of a longterm relationship.

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