Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend never buys me anything or surprises me with anything

68 replies

Moreece · 06/02/2013 13:42

Been together just over 6 months and he's never bought me flowers or chocolate. Never. In fact, he's never really bought me anything. He's on a good wage and has few outgoings. I mean, I'm not expecting a car or designer clothes or anything but he literally never buys me ANYTHING.
Even when we've had an argument where he was 100% in the wrong he briefly said "I'll get you some flowers, I know I've been a dickhead" - the flowers never materialized.

I passed my exams - nothing.

I'm currently ill and he's not got me so much as a chocolate bar.

He kind of upset me the other day. He said he'd noticed that I never wear jewelry and asked if I had any. I said I have a few bits and pieces but just tend to wear them when I'm going out. So he said "really? has nobody ever bought you a ring?" - err no but thanks for that, way to make me feel like shit, I mean - I'm hardly going to receive one from you anytime soon am I, you can't even get me a bloody chocolate bar when I'm ill.

Do guys just not do this stuff anymore?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/02/2013 13:43

Do you buy him lots of stuff then?

OrangeLily · 06/02/2013 13:44

Hold your horses you've only been together six months. Money doesn't buy love surely?

Although nothing for Christmas? My DH got me nothing but that was discussed before hand??

madasa · 06/02/2013 13:45

When you are unwell what does he 'do' to help you?

ethelb · 06/02/2013 13:45

My DP rarely buys me stuff. Because generally I buy my own stuff because I earn.

In fact sometimes I do buy him things, but not often, because he buys his own stuff as he earns too.

How old are you?

firesidechat · 06/02/2013 13:46

Betty - you beat me to it.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2013 13:46

Some people have no care for material things so sometimes they just literally forget that other people like presents.

Do you buy him much?

valiumredhead · 06/02/2013 13:47

You've only been together 6 months!

I'd rate kindness and a cup of tea over flowers any day of the week personally.

Naysa · 06/02/2013 13:47

do guys not do this stuff anymore?

Do you buy stuff for him?

He's under no obligation to spend money on someone he's been with for 6 months. I think it's a bit worrying, and spoilt/materialistic that you're getting upset about it.

Is he nice to you? Does he spend time with you? Give you his affection?

I don't know why buying you things is a sign of how much someone loves you. Hmm

SanityClause · 06/02/2013 13:48

Some men do this, but apparently your BF doesn't.

Is he loving in other ways? If so, does it matter?

But if he is generally not a "giving" person, I would seriously think about the future of the relationship. This is the person he is. Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life?

valiumredhead · 06/02/2013 13:48

I wouldn't expect flowers after an argument either.

wanderingcloud · 06/02/2013 13:48

Weird that he didn't get you anything for Christmas?!

But other than that I wouldn't expect gifts or flowers in the first 6 months.

I got flowers when I gave birth to DS, it took that level of commitment and effort to get flowers from my DH. He does it quite a bit now though so maybe being a father has softened him or something!

KirstyoffEastenders · 06/02/2013 13:48

My BF doesn't 'do' cards and he's never bought me flowers but he did buy me some lovely things for christmas. And a spontaneous and very unromantic pair of fleece-lined socks Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/02/2013 13:50

My DH isn't huge on presents and surprises. The odd time he has done something lovely. However, when we were first seeing each other he made me a card. It was very strange (superhero themed Valentine's Hmm ). Huge effort and thought though. Does your BF do nice things for you?

hellsbellsmelons · 06/02/2013 13:50

Welcome to my world - we are having a 'chat' tonight!
It starts well then fades to nothing.
Talk to him - he's a man and needs to be 'told'! You can't hint - they don't do hints - believe me!
If this is what you expect from a relationship then you need to talk to him about your expectations. He's not a mind reader.
If you aren't fussed about material things and gifts then try not to focus on it. Focus on the positives in your relationship.

valiumredhead · 06/02/2013 13:50

Where does it say in the OP that the BF didn't buy her a Xmas present?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/02/2013 13:50

I can't find any comment that says he didn't get her anything for Christmas.

You have only been together 6 months.

Personally when I am ill the last thing I want is chocolate. I would rather have a bit of TLC and a nice cuppa!!

DistrictSleepsTonight · 06/02/2013 13:50

I remember asking my ex to buy me flowers for our anniversary.

He looked surprised and said - "do you like flowers then? Because I don't see the point of them?"

If gifts bother you that much then speak up.

I've been in a relationship where I bought loads of gifts. We'd been apart for 2 months and I bought him a huge bag full of gifts - then a week later most of the gifts were still in the bag just toss in his cupboard. We broke up not long after and I'm not most of them ended up in the bin.

It made me realise that I probably wouldn't be so stupid to be that generous again so early in a relationship.

bigTillyMint · 06/02/2013 13:51

I had an ex who liked to buy me presents and give me surprises.

My DH neverr does surprises and only buys me flowers (from the children) on Mother'sDay. He gives me money to choose my own presents.

I know which one I'd rather spend my life withWink

Having said that, I love surprises and flowers!

RightsaidFreud · 06/02/2013 13:54

Flowers die and they are waste of money. Thats something me and OH both agree on. Give the guy a break. Some men don't do gift and surprises, others do.

NoMoreMarbles · 06/02/2013 13:55

my DH isnt a present buyer...i would be sad about that but he is a fantastic dad to our DD, works all hours so we can make ends meet (i work FT too) and despite the occasional rant (from me) about him not cleaning up after himself he is easy to live with all round...i dont need presents if we are happy together do i?

Did your previous partner buy you lots of nice things? how old are you? (genuine question)

MsVestibule · 06/02/2013 13:55

Apart from Christmas and birthdays, my DH never buys me anything either. But I couldn't care less - he's loving, kind and considerate and that matters more.

Why don't you buy some jewellery if you want some? Of course it's nice when a loved one buys you special piece, but you can get decent necklaces and earrings for a tenner!

Nagoo · 06/02/2013 13:56

I do buy DH things, a packet of wine gums, a nice beer or some wheat crunchies.

I would think that in a 6 month period I'd get a few little things to show he'd thought of me.

Maybe he doesn't get to the shops much?

MrsHoarder · 06/02/2013 13:57

Well either he didn't by her anything for Christmas or she is exaggerating. Op, just tell him you get upset when he promises you something like flowers that he had no intention of actually giving you.

I wouldn't expect anything for exam passes, and as for being ill, what exactly do you need? Dh will always stop to get throat sweets but wouldn't go to buy me chocolates.

And he might have a lovely Valentine's surprise for you.

madasa · 06/02/2013 13:58

I bought my DP some Billy Bear ham he has disgusting taste in food

purrpurr · 06/02/2013 13:59

My DH doesn't do surprises or gifts. He's not demonstrative in a lot of other ways specified in women's magazines and romcoms.

As soon as he wakes up in the morning, he hugs me. Then whilst we wait for the toaster to do it's thing, we have another cuddle. He's the most gorgeous loving creature.

If I want flowers and chocolate, I buy them myself. If I want a hot bath, I run one. I don't wait around for him to suddenly decide to do these things.

I don't buy him stuff, either. I run him a bath occasionally. Sometimes I do random things, like I iron a bunch of his shirts in one go (I never iron his shirts) or other stuff.

I don't think a long term successful relationship needs Stuff. It's lovely if it happens, but it's not essential. At the end of the day, flowers die, chocolate gets eaten, it's the relationship that matters.