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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Idiots at the school gates

63 replies

molly29 · 06/02/2013 11:46

I need this rant, I teach my child to be polite and kind and thoughtful, then you go to the school gates and some of the mums are so rude! What does a smile and hello cost, there is always the mum with out of control child that you here her screams at them everyday, all the time the child ignores her empty threats and is clearly used to being balled at, she walks in with a face like a slapped behind and looks at you like you are something on the bottom of her shoe. Then there is a mum who facebook friended me, but will stand at next me and pretand i'm not there(needless to say i did not accept her request!), then the mum who does not speak to any mums who did not invite her daughter to their partys! Then the mum who will not talk unless you drive a posh landrover and where labels and plaster make up on to step out the door.
I know not all mums are like this, but is it just my daughters school? i'm not surprised the kids are rude, one telling me to get out of the way and another openly telling my daughter she has an old bike and showing off her new one whilst laughing at my daughter, the whole time not once did they pull them up on how rude they were! What hope is there really!

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 06/02/2013 11:52

I never understand this school gate stuff tbh. When ds was at primary I'd just go along, if there was someone there I knew, or looked a bit lonely I'd go and say hello, make a bit of small talk for 5 minutes then go home with ds.

If I wanted to see my actual friends, I'd arrange to go out and get ratarsed for coffee with them

GetOrf · 06/02/2013 11:54

It's only 5 minutes of your day isn't it.

Just smile and ignore.

Buzzardbird · 06/02/2013 11:56

The Mum that tried to 'friend' you but doesn't speak is probably painfully shy and as you haven't 'accepted' her request she probably thinks that you just don't like her.
The Mum that "who did not invite her daughter to their parties" I do not understand what that means.
The Mum that "will not talk unless you drive a post Landrover and wears labels and plasters make-up on" I think that is her prerogative.
You need to be less judgmental, you get back what you give in the whole.

poppy1973 · 06/02/2013 11:56

This happens at most schools. It is and a bit silly - I normally don't bother if people are like that and just say hello to anyone who smiles etc. Don't worry

AmberLeaf · 06/02/2013 11:57

Maybe facebook mum feels horribly rejected by your facebook blank?

GooseyLoosey · 06/02/2013 11:57

Not just your dd's school. I think many schools are like this.

I just find people I like and pretend that the rest are not there. I smile if they look at me and am always polite, but I no longer let them get to me.

survivingwinter · 06/02/2013 11:59

Not just your school! I'm never sure whether some mums are just shy or genuinely rude. I find it quite funny that their kids are often more open and friendly than they are!!

melika · 06/02/2013 12:03

And I thought it was just my school!

Just grow a thick skin and ignore.

hattymattie · 06/02/2013 12:05

There are a lot of people who blank needlessly - and I agree it cost nothing at all to be pleasant, say hello and smile.

I really don't understand it.

Sleepwhenidie · 06/02/2013 12:05

Tbh I am usually so harassed at drop off, rushing in, trying to get coat off dd and into class, at the same time keep track of roaming ds2 in the melee, (and i then have to get him to nursery) that I am often distracted, have a face like thunder and am not very chatty. It's nothing personal- other than the outright rude people this could explain some of the others.

I'm much nicer at pick up- do you find it different then?

oldebaglady · 06/02/2013 12:06

so you don't want the kids judging your child's bike but you judge what other mums drive and how much make up they wear okay then!

ballstoit · 06/02/2013 12:08

School run parents are just the same as any other group of people...most will be pleasant enough to talk to for 5 minutes, a couple will be pretty unpleasant, a few will be so far up their own arses they can't see anyone else and one or two will have the potential to become good friends.

Talk to the ones who will, don't worry about the one who won't.

pumpkinsweetie · 06/02/2013 12:21

It's a small amount of time you need to wait. Just ignore
Our dcs schools are clickey, it makes me feel uncomfortable approaching large groups of parents, so i tend to chat to a few of the quieter mums.

JenaiMorris · 06/02/2013 12:26

There are lots of parents who really, really don't have the time to stop and chat.

They could say hello of course but it's a bit like commuting on public transport in the city - other than a cursory smile (which could be easily missed) you kind of block other people out for speed and efficiency. Otherwise the school drop takes 20 minutes instead of five, you'll hit the traffic, won't find a parking space/miss the bus, you'll be late for work...

More irritating than any standoffishness by a gazillion miles are those that hang around the school gates (or worse, the classroom ffs) so the children have to fight their way through - which is disastrous if you and yours have had a tricky morning and they're feeling clingy. Once again, drop off takes 20 minutes instead of five..you miss the bus... you're late for work.

Our lives (mine, dp's, ds's) were made considerably easier once ds was old enough to take himself. I can't say I miss it.

Original poster

molly29 · 06/02/2013 20:04

its not the busy parents, the shy parents, the rich, the poor the whatever parent that are my problem, its the rude, the absolutely don't give a damn in your face rude!

OP posts:

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 06/02/2013 20:13

It happens at all schools, some are nice, some arent.

And you want rude!!! i went to do the pick up, and i walked past a boy and his mum, i heard the boy say "Did you see, DD's mum, shes fat isnt she", i didnt hear what the mum said back to him.

KenLeeeeeee · 06/02/2013 20:15

Ha! You want to check out my school which had two of the mums in a full on fist fight last week. Priceless.

coldcupoftea · 06/02/2013 20:26

If someone doesn't say hello/smile etc I just assume they are busy/preoccupied/lost in thought/don't recognise me etc. Especially if it's just a school mum acquaintance.

The only thing that would actually offend me would be if I walked up to someone I knew well, said hello in a loud, clear voice and they didn't respond or walked away. Surprisingly, that have never happened!

People are just people, don't always assume the worst! I don't understand why people get so stressed by the school run.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 06/02/2013 20:29

The mums described in the OP sound like they're insecure or lonely or unhappy. Sort of like the OP!

Pagwatch · 06/02/2013 20:32

I plaster make up on. I don't give a shit what car you drive. I drop my child at school and chat and smile happily with anyone who chats and smiles back.
It all works fine.

Whoknowswhocares · 06/02/2013 20:33

Not exactly news of the century is it? All sorts of people have kids,snobby ones, ones who shout or are shy and don't chat, ones who take things too reasonably and strop etc etc
Why are you executing them all to act the same? They don't exchange their crappy personalities at the gate!!!!!
Speak to the nice ones, ignore the rest. Just don't waste energy on it

Goldenbear · 06/02/2013 20:58

I have never seem shouty parents at DS's infant school as I think most parents would be horrified. That's not to say they don't shout at home but a lot are 'creative' and/or bohemian types and have a laid back image to uphold. A lot of them are concerned for their children's mental health and are not the kind of people to live by strict rules so they'll often disregard fairly significant rules like not going upstairs with their YR1 child into their classroom. I know one woman who is always fretting about her DD and sees her through the gates at break time and bought her ear defenders for the playground noise. She is a nice enough person but it is rather like having a coffee with a female Woody Allen. She is fairly representative of the school gates, consequently, I feel fairly inadequate around these parents as I just don't worry about the same things.

HildaOgden · 06/02/2013 21:03

Its part of the tapestry of life...lots of people are lovely,some are twats not.I don't think it changes proportionately within a school,you'd get the same ratio of dickheads in a large factory,for example.

Buzzardbird · 06/02/2013 21:06

I think "executing them all" is a bit extreme Whoknows?

Whoknowswhocares · 06/02/2013 21:09

Damn it! Bloomin' iPad autocorrect!!!! Was going for 'expecting'

although now I think of it............. it's not a plan entirely without merit

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