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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Idiots at the school gates

63 replies

molly29 · 06/02/2013 11:46

I need this rant, I teach my child to be polite and kind and thoughtful, then you go to the school gates and some of the mums are so rude! What does a smile and hello cost, there is always the mum with out of control child that you here her screams at them everyday, all the time the child ignores her empty threats and is clearly used to being balled at, she walks in with a face like a slapped behind and looks at you like you are something on the bottom of her shoe. Then there is a mum who facebook friended me, but will stand at next me and pretand i'm not there(needless to say i did not accept her request!), then the mum who does not speak to any mums who did not invite her daughter to their partys! Then the mum who will not talk unless you drive a posh landrover and where labels and plaster make up on to step out the door.
I know not all mums are like this, but is it just my daughters school? i'm not surprised the kids are rude, one telling me to get out of the way and another openly telling my daughter she has an old bike and showing off her new one whilst laughing at my daughter, the whole time not once did they pull them up on how rude they were! What hope is there really!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/02/2013 21:09

A cunning plan if ever I saw one! Grin

Coconutty · 06/02/2013 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marmalade32 · 06/02/2013 21:21

Unfortunately in this world, as Hilda says, some people are twats and some aren't. It's just one of those things. Sometimes I go to school having only just changed out of my pyjamas and sometimes dressed nicely for work. I'm still the same person on both those days. A lot of the mums seem to know each other somehowonly in receptionso I do feel like its hard to get involved, due to some of the cliques. But we have kids parties coming up which is a good way to break the ice. Don't stress about it. But I can see where you're coming from.

fluffypillow · 06/02/2013 21:38

I tend to keep myself to myself at my sons school. I don't get involved, and that's how I like it! There are plenty of people I'll say 'hello' to, and a few I'll chat to, but that's as far as it goes. I've been drawn into problems in the past by getting too involved in playground politics.....never again!

Just Grin and ignore.

kilmuir · 06/02/2013 21:42

timing.
I get there with a min or 2 to go.
Can't be arsed with all that nonsense

MegaClutterSlut · 06/02/2013 22:13

I speak to a couple of the mums but that's it. They're all in there little groups and all I can hear when I'm standing there is them bitching about the other parents. I cba with it and leave as late as possible

KatyTheCleaningLady · 07/02/2013 20:05

I see the other parents at school in the same light I see people in the same queue at Asda... they're just strangers waiting for the same thing I am. I don't care about them and I'm not keen to make friends. Obviously, I'm friendly and polite. I just don't size them up as potential friends.

Honestly, I make friends in non-parenting venues. I have a hobby and I meet people through that. Most of them either don't have kids yet, have grown kids, or have a husband like mine who will stay home with the kids while I go out and do my hobby.

I don't have any interest in making "mum" friends. Mums are boring. Myself included.

littlemissmagic · 07/02/2013 23:07

I kind of get where you are coming from OP as I have found some of this behaviour at my children's school.

It doesn't bother me too much if mothers are rude to me as I have grown to realise I am not there to make friends, my children are. But it does make my morning more pleasant!

What does annoy me (and I realise I have no control over) is when that rudeness filters through to the children and they think it is acceptable to maybe ignore people or make hurtful comments as no on ever pulls them up on it. And then it affects me as my child is either joining in or at the tail end of it.

I guess its a life lesson at an early age. Sadly not everyone is polite or even particularly nice.

ReindeerBollocks · 07/02/2013 23:22

How much effort do you make OP? Do you acknowledge other mums or ask them about their day.

I was quite ill When DC2 started nursery so just picked up or dropped off. I'm pretty sure I got a reputation for being 'off'. Now I'm in better health I'm more up to making conversation and will be polite. Most people have been quite sweet and welcoming despite me ignoring the world for a few months.

Don't assume everyone worries about this - most don't. Sometimes life is getting in the way. Maybe people are shy, or nervous about making conversation.

I dislike the blaming other mums for the sake of it. If you are blatantly being rejected then yes, you have a valid complaint, but if you are standing at the school gates in silence, then what do you expect? Calling mums who choose to socialise at the school gates idiots seems a bit harsh.

ArtexMonkey · 07/02/2013 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BalloonTwister · 07/02/2013 23:53

You might want to pop over to chat OP :)

Original poster
molly29 · 08/02/2013 16:25

Sorry I'm back, thanks for all replys, the mum who i didn't except her friend request was actually openly really rude a few times before the request was sent. Most days these people don't get to me, but every now and again it does. A few replys weren't that nice so i held off replying for a bit. I don't judge others,but when they are really rude and blank people it makes you analyse why? Some of the people will speak if there is knowone better to speak to. I am a busy working mum myself but i can afford enough time to be polite. I have to remember that the majority of people aren't like that and most people are polite. I just find it sad and can't understand people who are rude it would seem out of choice? what hope have their kids got? This is a particularly little school where everyone knows everyone too?
Thanks again peeps.

OP posts:
chandellina · 08/02/2013 16:28

Yabu. Have some empathy and acceptance, you don't know what it's like to be them, they probably aren't actually out to get you.

Original poster
molly29 · 08/02/2013 16:30

Also Reindeer bollocks, i am a mum that smiles and speaks to others and makes a real effort, i am always polite and will speak to everyone even if i don't know them,that is me, believe me they are idiots and it takes alot for me to be pushed to calling them that. i actaually think its a select group, my sons yeargroup of parents are totally different, so actaually no its not me. IT IS THEM BEING RUDE!

OP posts:
Original poster
molly29 · 08/02/2013 16:31

They aren't out to get me no, but it is unexceptable to be rude, openly rude is not on! They are rude to everyone,why is that ok?!

OP posts:
Original poster
molly29 · 08/02/2013 16:32

I will not empathyse with rude or accept it

OP posts:
redbobblehat · 08/02/2013 16:36

or they walk along side by side through a narrow gate/path and dont let others by, they expect others to walk on the grass so they can walk side by side and theres not the space

now that is rude

redbobblehat · 08/02/2013 16:37

i also know people who fall out with others about patyu invites or lack of them etc

Dawndonna · 08/02/2013 16:46

Me, I'd judge you if you wrote to me. I guess that's the way my nice polite, but to shy to speak at the school gates persona works.
Having said that, mine are all at high school now, it's such a relief!

redbobblehat · 08/02/2013 16:52

i got invited round for coffee the other week by a school mum, she seems nice enough but to be honest i don't really want to get to know her.
rather just smile and say hello than make friends with other school mums

Original poster
molly29 · 08/02/2013 17:13

dawndonna sorry i don't understand your message sorry? Its not that i expect we'll all be best friends, its just being polite, not being rude, i except that some people are shy or have alot going on,not the same thing as rude, no excuse for rude.I will not change my mind on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
molly29 · 08/02/2013 17:15

redbooblehat i totally get where you are coming from.x

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 08/02/2013 17:19

I have had 3 children go through primary school and I have never noticed this evil mums at the school gate phenomenon.

Maybe I was just oblivious?

Original poster
molly29 · 08/02/2013 17:25

like i said its not all of them, its just a select few, i think its a particaularly small group, i have never commented on it to other mums(i don't like all that) but they have to me, so its definatly not just me that feels this way. Maybe i should have as i feel i can't get my point across on mumnet.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 08/02/2013 17:27

YABU

The school gate is not a place for mums to socialise. It's where you drop and pick up your child from school.