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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like it when children always want food off other people?

164 replies

CrapBag · 05/02/2013 18:30

I admit I have a real pet hate about this. It grates on me big time.

I was brought up to think that it is rude to go asking other people for food. If my children tried it I would stop them as I think it is awful, however they don't seem to do it anyway.

I have a friend whose children always seem to be wanting food. She does feed them, and a decent diet, with treats etc but the second there is food around, there they are wanting some and she never ever tells them to stop. They will stand there right in front of you whilst you are eating and the youngest will just have her hand out. Luckily they know me and the minute the youngest tries, she stops looks and me then walks off as she knows I won't give her some of mine or my DDs lunch etc.

A little while ago I had some cake and the eldest kept on and on. I said it wasn't time for cake yet, she didn't let up. DH also said she was doing the same to him. The other children there weren't. When I did do it and gave it out, the mum then sent her DD in to ask me where hers was (cake really was for the children) I did make a comment of "thats where they get it from then"

I am known for not sharing my food, my friends do tend to make a joke of it (but I have deep rooted reasons going to back to being starved as a young child and I have never liked sharing my food) I also don't think that I should force my children to share their meals either.

So is it me or is this rude?

OP posts:
fatfingers · 05/02/2013 19:18

I believe if you genuinely can't afford to share you should eat at home rather than taking food to eat in front of other people. As children we were always taught that if there wasn't enough for everyone, we didn't have it (we didn't have much money). At meal times, if we didn't have enough food to feed our friends, mum would send them home for their lunch/dinner. No one ever sat and watched us eat while they had nothing.

gallifrey · 05/02/2013 19:18

my friends daughter always says I'm hungry the minute she comes into my house, I lived next door so I just told her to go home and ask her mum.

thefarmersintheden · 05/02/2013 19:19

But the money side of things isnt the main issue since you describe it as 'also the reason' .

Sleepwhenidie · 05/02/2013 19:22

YANBU. There is a (perfectly well fed) child at DD's school who when the kids are all playing after they come out at the end of the day, actually goes up to parents, whether he know them or not, and says "have you got any food?". It really grates on me, he is 6, old enough to know better, or be taught better by his parents .

sudaname · 05/02/2013 19:22

Yes this annoys me too. My two untrained DSGCs do this. The 5yr old especially, he hardly gets in the front door and is asking for cheesestrings (that DH buys in for their visits) - it is literally the first thing he says as he is walking in. I dont begrudge them these things - they are bought for them after all - its just the demanding way he asks for them before saying hello even. Makes the hairs on my neck stand up l tell you and his parents do nothing to check him.
I've started saying - 'Oh hi there, DSGS and how are you ? - Oh l'm fine thanks, how are you? !! - just to draw attention to the fact he hasnt acknowledged us before asking for the food.

I'v taken to deliberately leaving chocolate biscuits or similiar around the time they are due to arrive - out on the kitchen worktop and he makes a beeline for them and then l say 'No,you cant, theyre not for you'

Isildur · 05/02/2013 19:30

Sudaname Shock it's horrid to pull that passive-aggressive crap with a small child.

I cannot stand people being mean with food

myfirstkitchen · 05/02/2013 19:34

Sudaname - that's horrible. Do you really do that and enjoy it? Odd.

blindworm · 05/02/2013 19:35

That's horrible, Sudaname. Making sure he says hello and is polite is fine, but leaving food out just to catch him out is just mean.

OTTMummA · 05/02/2013 19:35

Please stop doing that Sudaname. What do you get out of that? That's cruel and not a normal way to treat a grandchild.

thefarmersintheden · 05/02/2013 19:36

Just remembered the horrid girl in our nct group who had her baby on a regimented snack routine.

If i was at her house she'd pull out a bag of baby rice cakes to give to her ds then say "make sure X doesn't see".

X being my 14mo dd who was capable of eating no more than two of those mini rice cakes anway.

I HATE that kind of meanness. I would never pull out a cheap, easily sharable snack then hiss at my child not to share it.

WickWackThurso · 05/02/2013 19:39

If i take food out and about, i generally take enough and offer to share. I shop in aldi and take things like raisins or breadsticks so nothing fancy or expensive. Children will akways,want a bit of what they see tgeir friends having and i find it easier to treat all children in a group the same. Luckily, it seems to be the norm among our friendsso causes no issues at all. We encourage our dc to share what tgey have too.

If i invite someone to my house, i would always expect to offer them a hot drink and at tge v least a biscuit.

Overall, yabu - you sound a bit hard and fast in your not sharing, and if it stems from deeper issues, and has become a running "joke" among your friends, then maybe you need/want to address these?

selsigfach · 05/02/2013 19:39

Yanbu
I don't tolerate begging from my dog when there's food about, no way would I put up with that from someone's rude child!

thefarmersintheden · 05/02/2013 19:44

I think i would think it a bit strange if an adult sat in toddler group eating their lunch, btw. Do other people do it? I've never seen anyone do that.

Yika · 05/02/2013 19:54

I think it is rude and unfair to eat in front of children who are not eating. You can't expect young children not to ask for some of what other people are having. So, as others have said, I'd either remove me and my child from the group to eat our lunch or snack, or I'd have something to share. on the other hand, I think it's pretty rude of the other parents to let their chdren go asking for food, let alone rummaging in someone's bag, without picking them up on it!

CarlingBlackMabel · 05/02/2013 20:07

I used to get irritated by other people's pestering kids, too. My kids were never that bothered by food and never hankered for treats they knew we had in the house. Other people's kids would come in, see something on the side, or juice in the fridge, and whine and pester incessantly for it.

But small children just DO. Remind yourself that they are not meaning to take something of YOURS, just tempted by the treat in front of them. And they will learn manners in time.

sudaname · 05/02/2013 20:17

Not my GC. Oh no - not a chance my DGC would behave like that - he has been introduced to that nasty word 'No' the odd time or two in his life. Guess what! it never killed him.
As far as l'm concerned l am teaching my DSGC something his parents are failing to - and that is not everything you like the look of is yours and sometimes it is even somebody elses.
He is already of the mindset that he likes to come to our house because he gets his favourite snack when really he should want to visit to see his grandad (my DH).
I cant believe people think that a child of five should never see chocolate or treats anywhere lying around and that they should all be hidden from view in case shock/horror they are not automatically for them.
I think that's just 'feeding' (no pun intended) an unhealthy sense of entitlement.

Floggingmolly · 05/02/2013 20:20

The Christmas party situation sounds a bit strange, op. You were eating crisps and the other mum gave you daggers because you weren't sharing with her child? Were you hogging all the crisps then?

TattyDevine · 05/02/2013 20:22

There are people with some really sinister sounding food issues on this thread. It makes me a bit sort of sad.

Cat98 · 05/02/2013 20:24

Yab a bit u I think, op. it's a bit mean to eat in front of kids when you're not willing to share. I tell ds not to ask but he always does, and my friends are happy to share - the same goes with me; my friends dcs always want to share any food I bring to a meet, and I would never bring anything I wasn't willing to share.

thefarmersintheden · 05/02/2013 20:26

" At a christmas party, there was a large table with loads of yummy food. Me and DD were sat down eating some crisps when a child I didnt' know started hovering about. I told her that these were our crisps and the mother (sat further away) was giving me daggers because I didn't give her child food."

Maybe she didnt want the crisps? Maybe she was just hovering about but not after your food? Maybe she needed help to get some food?

Maybe the mum was giving you daggers for telling your child that the crisps were yours like spme kind of territorial animal when the chile hadnt even asked for any but was just hovering nearby.

If a child hovered near me at a party i would ask them if they were ok/needed help not tell them that my crisps were mine. How aggressive.

Binkybix · 05/02/2013 20:35

Are you Joey from friends? He doesn't share food either I hear.

Sounds like you are a bit full on in the not-sharing stakes, but if it was all the time, I can see it would get a bit annoying.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 05/02/2013 20:38

I think it is rude of parents to allow their children to ask for your food.

But I do think yabu to rock up at toddler group and whip out your packed lunch and then moan about kids watching your food. If I hadn't had time for lunch before toddler group then it was a case of unlucky this week, we haven't got the time to get ready and go on time so we have to miss it the group.

notnowbernard · 05/02/2013 20:42

OP - you'd hate my dc, then

They've all been scavs of the highest order

Luckily out of the habit now they're school age

Seeing other dc like it makes me chuckle

notnowbernard · 05/02/2013 20:44

What about at picnics and stuff?

I always see it as a free-for-all...

You know, all chuck the food in for everyone to help themselves to?

shutthebloodydoor · 05/02/2013 20:45

hear hear sudaname! Completly agree!

What astounds me is that more and more when somebody posts people systematically 'read through the lines' make stuff up, dont read the OP correctly and go off on there own tangant which its not even about! Just read the friggin post then the posts after it, OP i would stop repeating urself as they are clearly winding u up

My friends dd does it (2 1/2) to the whole of the family and they ALL have to let her have her fill of there tea other wise she will go in to melt down. friend thinks its funny??!!
I wont have my lunch at hers any more as DD literatly hangs round my neck fingering my food, then goes and plays with the dog then tries to come back to my plate - friend just sits the oblivious chatting away!