To not like it when children always want food off other people?

[CrapBag]

I admit I have a real pet hate about this. It grates on me big time.

I was brought up to think that it is rude to go asking other people for food. If my children tried it I would stop them as I think it is awful, however they don't seem to do it anyway.

I have a friend whose children always seem to be wanting food. She does feed them, and a decent diet, with treats etc but the second there is food around, there they are wanting some and she never ever tells them to stop. They will stand there right in front of you whilst you are eating and the youngest will just have her hand out. Luckily they know me and the minute the youngest tries, she stops looks and me then walks off as she knows I won't give her some of mine or my DDs lunch etc.

A little while ago I had some cake and the eldest kept on and on. I said it wasn't time for cake yet, she didn't let up. DH also said she was doing the same to him. The other children there weren't. When I did do it and gave it out, the mum then sent her DD in to ask me where hers was (cake really was for the children) I did make a comment of "thats where they get it from then"

I am known for not sharing my food, my friends do tend to make a joke of it (but I have deep rooted reasons going to back to being starved as a young child and I have never liked sharing my food) I also don't think that I should force my children to share their meals either.

So is it me or is this rude?

[catladycourtney1]

As for the biscuit thing - I would probably have packed something better, or nipped in a shop to make sure we had something a bit more substantial if my children and I were hungry... but I still wouldn't have felt obliged to share with a nine-year-old who had just finished his lunch. The kid obviously knew he shouldn't be begging, since he lied about having eaten.

[matchpoint]

Major WTF at dromedary being roasted for not giving her biscuit to a 9 year old who'd had lunch. A 9 year old should be old enough to understand that other people have treats sometimes that you can't have for whatever reason. Good grief.

Also, I can't go from 9am to 6pm without food, major side-eye at the poster who suggested that she should have done that. WTF indeed.

[pollypandemonium]

YABU - you say you have deep seated reasons why you don't share food - this is your problem and shouldn't transfer to others. I think you should try and deal with these feelings (CBT?) because they may be affecting your childrens relationship with food as well.

I can't stand greedy kids, but when they come round I share whatever we have. Some children use gaining food as a measure of their power and control and you have to keep a check on that. I keep my opinions to myself and make sure everything is fair - sometimes they are just hungry, one child came and gorged herself on satsumas because she doesn't get fruit at home.

I was brought up to share food and I love feeding other peoples kids. Giving is good.

[pollypandemonium]

I was starved and made to sit and watch whilst others around me ate meals and I may have had a piece of dry bread and water. I had to sneak out at night to the kitchen to steal food because I was so hungry and when crumbs were found in my 'bed' (scabby matress thrown on floor) I paid for that big time! I was 2 years old.

How long did this go on for? Were you taken into care or did this continue?

[LittleAbruzzenBear]

Oh god, my friend's DC's do this. They want to share my cake/ice-cream (I should point out that they have been given their own already). They demand it. It gets on my tits quite honestly. I share with my DCs, that should be enough.

[Hobbitation]

It wasn't a treat though, it was serving as a child's lunch. That's what Dromedary was "roasted" for. And I agree, I couldn't go without food between 9 and 6. Well I could, but I wouldn't.

[Hobbitation]

That's different LAB.

[sudaname]

So telling a five (nearly six as it happens) child that he cant have a cookie from a packet he has seen on your kitchen worktop is ' bullying' 'cruel' 'taunting' 'wicked' behaviour ? It is also apparently making him feel guilty for wanting food and giving him 'issues' as it is also actually 'scolding' him.
Really ? Saying 'No, you cant have one of those, 'they are not for you' or' they are somebody elses' or whatever is actually 'scolding' aswell as all of above.

Wow.

As for me having a little chat with him about not saying hello before he asks for his treat as he walks through the door - dont make me laugh. I am the 'Step' grandmother. Trust me - that would go down like a lead balloon.
I am allowed to babysit for them, buy them equal presents to my own DGC at Christmas, Birthdays etc but as is often the case as a 'step' mother or grandmother l would be promptly reminded l am not their 'real nana' if l wandered into the domain of discipline /correcting behaviour.

l am not therefore going to hide absolutely everything in my home that my DSGC might decide he wants (I used to do this, but got really fed up of it tbh) just because he might have to hear that dreadful word 'No'. I am not talking about putting things away they might hurt themselves with etc obv. which is par for the course when children visit.

[valiumredhead]

But you didn't say that sudaname you said I've taken to deliberately leaving chocolate biscuits or similiar around the time they are due to arrive - out on the kitchen worktop and he makes a beeline for them and then l say 'No,you cant, theyre not for you'

[DontmindifIdo]

sooo, reading this, am I the only one who thinks that teaching their toddler the concepts of "sharing" and that food is a social as well as a fuel/treat thing is right?

I mean, I was quite impressed the other day when I gave DS a bowl of grapes (his favourite thing in the whole world and far superior in his mind to chocolate), and as DH came home while he was halfway through scoffing the lot eating them, he took one and said "here you go daddy, let's share." without having to be told to.

Food is a social thing for humans, it's really sad that so many people on here don't want to teach their DCs that. While it's important to teach your DCs not to beg or nag for food, it's just as important to teach them to share, and by example is the best way IME to teach that.

[DontmindifIdo]

Sudaname - you really can't see anything wrong with deliberately leaving out things you know your DGC will want in order to 'trick them' into being naughty? Really?

[Francagoestohollywood]

Dontmindifido, I am with you. I am not English though, it is very normal to share food here, no matter how much or little you have.

[sudaname]

Yes as opposed to putting them all out of sight, high up in cupboards etc, l now leave them out. Dont forget at this point (literally whilst walking through the door) he has asked for and got his treat off his Grandad, his favourite cheese snacks. he also has a bag of sweets in for them at each visit. As l say he has not expressed any greeting or affection for his Grandad at this point - which yes l admit really pisses me off personally and on behalf of DH.

I have told DH l think he should check him or say something to his son or d-i-l when he does this or stop producing the obligatory treat every single visit or at least until niceties have been exchanged. It does bother my DH that his grandson shows him no affection. But he is a bit of a Disney dad and now evolved into a Disney grandad predictably. But that's how he is - fine, nothing l can do about that but have told him l am not enabling this by hiding every possible desirable thing away as stated in my last post just so nobody ever has to say 'No'. He's a grown man who hates saying 'No' to his DGC or DC and thinks that is the way to wein their affection.

Besides it has no impact on the child anyway, whether treats are left out deliberately or not. All he knows is he has had two treats by now and has seen another potential one and been told 'no' it's not for him etc.
Hardly damaging , but letting him continue in this entitled vicious circle is,imo.

[NTitled]

"A little while ago I had some cake and the eldest kept on and on. I said it wasn't time for cake yet"

Eh? If it wasn't time for cake, why were you eating it?

Other than that, I agree that children who hang around asking you for food are a pain. Though I also dislike it when other parents feed my children in playgrounds etc. I am perfectly capable of feeding my own children, thank you.

[aldiwhore]

I'm glad I've never come across this, I'm a sharey person but it would grate on me.

[Saltire]

"A little while ago I had some cake and the eldest kept on and on. I said it wasn't time for cake yet"

Eh? If it wasn't time for cake, why were you eating it?

the OP did say in another post that she had taken the cake to share with everyone but that the child kept on about wanting a bit before it was cut. Hence the reason she told him it wasn't time for cake yet

[CrapBag]

Haven't read all the latest replies but picking up on a couple of comments I have seen.

I did NOT have ALL the available crisps, I had a few between me and DD, there were piles left on the table. I did NOT take ALL the crisps then deny them to everyone else. Not once did I say that.

The group provides snack to everyone, not dinner for all and sundry. The group is at a slightly inconvenient time, therefore there are some occasions where we need to take our dinner, we are not the only ones who do this.

I did NOT sit and eat cake denying it to others. I had a cake (in the box in the kitchen) for later (birthday). Child (one out of 6) kept asking and I told her we were doing it a bit later. I was NOT sat in my front room, eating cake in front of guests and denying everyone else. FFS give me some credit!

[CrapBag]

Polly I was in the situation for 4 years before my 'mother' buggered off one day leaving me at my nans. SS were involved but not particularly helpful. Why?

[CheerfulYank]

The OP had cake at her house. She wasn't eating the cake when she said that!

[valiumredhead]

sudaname

Yes as opposed to putting them all out of sight, high up in cupboards etc, l now leave them out

But again. that wasn't what you said originally, you said

I've taken to deliberately leaving chocolate biscuits or similiar around the time they are due to arrive - out on the kitchen worktop and he makes a beeline for them and then l say 'No,you cant,they're not for you

You say you leave them out around the time they are due to arrive

[NTitled]

Sorry - I misunderstood. I took "I had some cake" to mean the OP was eating it!

In that case, OP, I agree that other people's children nagging you for food is a pain, and their parents ought to tell them to stop it.

[LittleAbruzzenBear]

I agree, sharing is good, but my earlier point was that it is unacceptable to beg others for food, particularly when the DCs in question have their own. My friend's DCs that I mentioned before have even walked over and stuck their fingers in my cake and DS's cake to scoop off the icing because they had eaten theirs. Sorry, think it's rancid! My friend just smiles and says (after the deed is done) 'you don't mind do you'

[OTTMummA]

Sudaname, from your first post I had the mental picture of you going to the cuboard, taking out some chocolate biscuits and arranging them on a counter/table in clear sight, all the while keeping an eye on them and an ear out for when the children come in, my next guess was you watched him like a hawk and then chastised him when he notices them and goes for them. That's not normal. If had left stuff out because you haven't had time to put things away or were going to use some yourself that would be a natural occurrence. What you are doing is deliberate entrapment. What do you do with the 'goodies' after you tell him off? Eat them? Put them away? Can you not see how weird that is??

[CheerfulYank]

My mom's friend has a nasty little boy (punched people, etc) who stole money from people. When he came over my dad would leave money on the table to see if he'd take it.

[WorriedTeenMum]

YANBU

In my view treats should be shared if in a group but I feel that meals are different. I dont think that children should be made to feel that they arent allowed to eat their meal until it has been offered first to others.

Sharing a meal at play group and then later at school might be done if a member of the group has forgotten their meal. That would be a good thing and a nice thing and something you would want to teach your child.

Play groups and schools are a funny social setting as the child is neither host or guest. Parents should teach their children to eat confidently in front of others and also how to behave when others are eating.

However I think that small children have an unerring talent for finding the buttons of strangers and pressing them hard - or is that just me?