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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send my baby to nursery with a temperature?

64 replies

monkeymamma · 05/02/2013 07:59

I don't go back to work until next week, but ds has missed quite a few of his settling in sessions at nursery due to illness, conjunctivitis, colds etc so we are feeling like its very important that he goes today. But he has been up loads in the night with red cheeks and drooling, and this morning had a temp of 38.5.

Dh called and the nursery are happy to have him, they will keep an eye on him and call me if he seems ill or isn't settling. They've just set off now together (dh and ds). But I feel like a terrible woman. Surely it is bad and wrong to send him with a temperature (which in my mind is always a 'classic sign of terrible illness' even though my baby book says otherwise).

It's very hard to separate out any rational feelings about this from my innate guilt about leaving him at nursery in general. He is 12mo so settling him has been very tough (lots of tears, screaming, separation anxiety).

So aibu and a wet blanket to be feeling so anxious about this? Or aib a terrible mother to have ploughed on regardless and sent him this morning (braces self for answers)?

OP posts:

NickNacks · 05/02/2013 08:02

I wouldn't do it and I'm surprised the nursery will accept him. I'm a childminder and I wouldn't have him in case he passed something on to me or the other children.

NickNacks · 05/02/2013 08:04

Also slapped cheek is doing the rounds here- are you sure he doesn't have it? It's VERY contagious.

thebody · 05/02/2013 08:05

What!! The nursery are taking a child with a high temp?

Mmmm not sure I would be using a setting that so disregarded my own and other people's health so easily. Your child could infect the whole setting, staff and children let alone be feeling very poorley himself.

Home is the place for a sick child not a busy setting.

As a ex cm I would have been livid if a parent dropped a sick child to mine, if I was Off sick then it affected every family as I couldn't work and of course I wasn't paid.

Sorry it's selfish and unfair on your poor ds. He won't settle.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 05/02/2013 08:05

I would have kept him home and I'm shocked the nursery would take him.
A sick child is much less likely to settle well and this could put him back a step.

Wereonourway · 05/02/2013 08:07

If your ds isn't feeling himself he isn't really going to gain anything from being at nursery is he??

If he is tired and irritable he won't be benefitting from the session at all.
It certainly won't help him to settle in.

I wouldn't have sent him, I know settling in is difficult and the pressure of returning to work is looming but I honestly think he needs to be at home with his mum or dad.

Have you got contingency plans in place for when ds is ill? My ds was off at least every fortnight at your ds's age. Until his immunity is built up he could well catch most things.

Hope he's feeling better and settles soon

XBenedict · 05/02/2013 08:07

Yes I'm afraid I think you are being unreasonable and I can understand why you feel anxious about him.

JollyRedGiant · 05/02/2013 08:10

I wouldn't send my child to a nursery that would accept a child with a high temperature.

38.5 is not just up a little bit. I definitely wouldn't have sent my one in. All he's going to want is cuddles.

Gigondas · 05/02/2013 08:11

Yanbu to be anxious -if he had temperature been up in night etc , he clearly isn't well so doesn't fall into the temperature means nothing list (tho I agree with you that is bs usually ).

I would be seeing if you could phase your return to work so could allow a slower settling in period for ds. I am sure it will happen but if he has been unwell that is probably contributing to his slow progress . I have dd2 of same age so I know how fractious they are when unwell or teething.

CloudsAndTrees · 05/02/2013 08:12

I'm another that's surprised the nursery are happy to take him. I wouldn't be happy if I was one if the other parents who's baby could end up ill as as result.

LIZS · 05/02/2013 08:14

yabu , especially if it isn't a matter of him needing to go. tbh I'd be surprised if you don't get a call asking you to collect as he is out of sorts and crying. Classically babies of this age will pick up all sorts to begin with, precisely because others take similar chances.

Original poster

monkeymamma · 05/02/2013 08:15

Thanks for being frank, all! I appreciate it even if its hard to hear. He has a raised temp but is happy and well in himself (we are pretty sure this is teething related), but I'll go and get him if his temperature is still high.

The nursery are a bit too accommodating re illness IMO. I called last week to say ds wouldn't be in as he had a cold and they said 'oh yes, we've got lots of children with colds at the moment' - I was It is a concern, but there are only three nurseries in town and this is definitely the best. His key worker is lovely and he now likes her a lot, she was incredibly patient with settling him etc. So I do appreciate its an issue re illness but in balance they are the best option for us overall.

OP posts:

Bugsylugs · 05/02/2013 08:15

Depends really very young baby I (probably) wouldn't. Slapped cheek is no longer contagious when the rash has appeared.
However I am able to diagnose so if my dc had a temp due to an inflamed ear yesI would send having given pain relief if they were otherwise happy and settled

LittleChimneyDroppings · 05/02/2013 08:19

I'm really surprised the nursery took him. And yes YABVU. My dd has been up in the night with a temp like that, and I've kept her home, partly because she's not well enough with that temp, and partly so she doesn't spread it round to everyone else.

NumericalMum · 05/02/2013 08:20

A cold I would have sent him but a fever, no! I am Gobsmacked nursery would accept him!

Icelollycraving · 05/02/2013 09:04

Very suprised that the nursery took him with a temperature. That would be a red flag to me. Cold & coughs are expected,no one would ever have their child there if not!
He won't gain anything from being there,pick him up earlier.

ZipItShrimpy · 05/02/2013 09:11

Why on earth would you want to send him??

I too would be worried about the quality of a nursery who would accept a child with a temperature. Yes, he might be teething but he could also have a number if illnesses. Are you happy for there potentially to be a few children like that every day that you send him in? I'd be mightily pissed off.

Maybe they said that to someone else's mum last week and that's why your DS has a fever!

EasilyBored · 05/02/2013 09:18

Did his temperature come down with some calpol? That would be my guide - if the temperature is manageable, and he's fine in himself, I would send him. If it's a settling in session, he probably wont be there the full day anyway?

Some nurseries have a more relaxed attitude to illness, and some parents are happy with that and some aren't. It's perfectly reasonable to feel that you don't want your child there if you don't agree with their policy. If you aren't happy with it, then I would suggest looking for alternative childcare because if they allow it, you can be sure that other parents are doing it and your child will end up catching everything too even if you don't send them when they are ill.

HappySeven · 05/02/2013 09:21

I'm going to go against the grain and say I would judge the child on how they feel not their temperature. Some children react very quickly to viruses and raise their temperature to kill the bugs. It doesn't make them any more ill than a child who has the same virus but whose immune system isn't as responsive. My DS raises his temperature very quickly but is very cheerful with it. If he's not and wants cuddles etc i would keep him home. You know your child, what do you think he needs?

WileyRoadRunner · 05/02/2013 09:21

I would not send my child to nursery with a temperature of 38.5

However, I would not keep them at home for a cold (without temperature)

Meglet · 05/02/2013 09:25

I wouldn't. Ands I wouldn't be very impressed with a nursery that didn't have strict illness procedures.

The DC's had loads of time off in their first winter at nursery, I was in crap at work about it but I had to put up with it.

HappySeven · 05/02/2013 09:28

I also think people are naive if they think that nurseries where children are sent home with a temperature are less likely to pass on illness: most children aren't able to communicate they are unwell until they start to show symptoms by which time they will have passed it on.

I do object when parents take kids in within 48 hours of D and V though as that's asking for trouble when you know they are contagious.

Original poster

monkeymamma · 05/02/2013 09:31

Just to clarify, he didn't have a temp in the night - just teething symptoms. I don't think it is slap cheek, he had it when he was younger and it looked quite different to his teething red cheek. I am fairly confident in recognising it as he has 8 teeth now.

That said, I totally take on board what's been said and in a way it is a relief to know I should have trusted my monkey instincts and kept him home. In rl I have a rep for being over cautious and pfb so it is good to get some impartial views. And I think this has given us quite a lot to think about re the nursery.

OP posts:

EasilyBored · 05/02/2013 09:33

DS's nursery have a very very laid back attitude to illness - as long as the children are OK in themselves, then just send them in with whatever medication they might be on, and they will let us know if they need picking up, but even they are very strict about D&V.

MaMattoo · 05/02/2013 09:36

Yabvu. A fever will make him feel unwell, even though it is low. An ill child belongs at home.
The rule of the thumb for my use is. If DS is fever free without calpol for 24 hours, he can go back to nursery.

So keep child at home for 2 reasons - 1 to allow him to rest and recover and 2 to keep other children away from whatever it is that is making your child ill.

And I would think twice about a nursery that takes in sick children. If he was completely fever free and a bit cranky I would think about it..the see how it goes approach. But this is not good.

I am sorry, you asked.

jellybeans · 05/02/2013 09:40

YABU. I would keep mine at home if they were ill with anything other than cold. Nursery should not take him. I don't get why people take their sick kids to nurseries. I know it is hard taking time off sick etc but kids have to come first if they are ill.

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