To send my baby to nursery with a temperature?

[monkeymamma]

I don't go back to work until next week, but ds has missed quite a few of his settling in sessions at nursery due to illness, conjunctivitis, colds etc so we are feeling like its very important that he goes today. But he has been up loads in the night with red cheeks and drooling, and this morning had a temp of 38.5.

Dh called and the nursery are happy to have him, they will keep an eye on him and call me if he seems ill or isn't settling. They've just set off now together (dh and ds). But I feel like a terrible woman. Surely it is bad and wrong to send him with a temperature (which in my mind is always a 'classic sign of terrible illness' even though my baby book says otherwise).

It's very hard to separate out any rational feelings about this from my innate guilt about leaving him at nursery in general. He is 12mo so settling him has been very tough (lots of tears, screaming, separation anxiety).

So aibu and a wet blanket to be feeling so anxious about this? Or aib a terrible mother to have ploughed on regardless and sent him this morning (braces self for answers)?

Accepting children with coughs and colds doesn't bother me, but it does concern me that they know the baby has such a high temperature and yet still want to have him.

Health Protection Agency advice about exclusion from nursery/school for illness

Agree with most of the above views. Would be very concerned about a nursery so easily willing to take a child with fever. It's hard enough returning to work with all the sicknesses the little ones get (agree with a pp re every 2 weeks, sounds familiar!) let alone one with a laissez faire attitude.

FWIW our nursery are strict on D&V, when it comes to high temps there is less of a rush to collect them but they still want you to come early, and there is no time limit you need to keep them away. If they have a normal temperature without medicine the next morning they can return.

I think you need to take this as a warning to get contingencies in place. Our contingency is that I sometimes work on days I'm not scheduled to, in lieu of the days I've taken off with DD (As I am part time and have run out of AL). Keep in mind that if you get a call on a Monday saying your DC has diarrhoea (even if teething related), they won't be able to return to nursery until Thursday.

I also don't think that lots of tears, screaming, separation anxiety are necessarily part and parcel of settling a 12 mo at nursery, mine was a classic velcro baby, still bfed at the time of starting nursery and had never been away from me for more than an hour or two, and settled with little problem (2/3 mins crying at drop off). If I were you I would be reconsidering whether this is the right setting for your DC (sorry not what you want to hear when you're about to return to work).

Bartlett, I wish my nursery would read that as they wanted to exclude my DD for conjunctivitis (not recommended). Ironically she didn't even have it. Does it say anything about temperature though? I can't see anything.

But that advice says it's OK for them to go even if it's slapped cheek, OK to go if they have conjunctivitis, OK to go with hand foot and mouth etc. Those are all very contagious, and the advice is that it's OK for nurseries to accept them. So the nursery aren't really doing anything wrong?

Emsmaman, how do you make up time by working days you're not scheduled to if you only have childcare booked on the days you are scheduled to?

Easily, by the time you know a child had clapped cheek (when the rash appears) they aren't contagious anymore so there's no point excluding them. Not sure about the others.

HappySeven DH can plan ahead to have a day off on AL (extremely difficult for him to have time off at short notice), or we plan it for when we have family visiting (no family in our country but we have visitors every month or so). Unfortunately our nursery won't go switching days but I know some nurseries are willing to do this.

Failing that, I would have to pay for an extra ad-hoc day at the nursery, which it may come to eventually - would be painful as my salary only just about covers nursery fees but better than losing my job.

It doesn't say anything about the temperature though. If a baby/child is fine, but has a bit of a fever then I really don't think I would keep him off. Some children get a temperature every time they get a new tooth or a runny nose.

Children are going to get ill, be it by catching something at nursery, from a stranger in the street or park, from licking toys at playgroup or from friends and relatives. If you aren't happy with the nursery's policy, then that's absolutely fine, but if so you need to find another nursery.

I think YABU also. My DD2 is 5 and had a nasty virus in October. Since then, she seems to catch any illness that is going around. Because other parents send their children in when they aren't well, DD2 has had lots of time off school with fevers, sickness, diarrhoea, etc.

Having said that, it's not really your fault if the nursery has said to send him.

HappySeven, thanks for your comments above! Yes he his a hot boy and gets hotter quite easily. He seemed very happy in himself and the nursery have said his temp is now back to normal and he is playing with his favourite nursery toys. It is a settling in session and only for the morning.

We have a contingency plan in place (but we call her grandma :-)) so there is no pressure for ds ever to go to nursery if he is properly ill. We just didn't feel that he was today.

When ds had d and v (over Christmas) we went into voluntary quarantine till everyone's symptoms had cleared and I'd never send him near the nursery or other people's children, eg playgroup or the library, play dates etc (I'm always absolutely scrupulous about this) if he had symptoms of actual illness. But this was essentialy - grumbly in the night and short-lived temp this morning.

That said, I accept the mumsnet jury finding of iabvu and yes, I did ask the question so can hopefully take the ensuing flaming like a man. Definitely a lesson for me in future to keep him with me if we'd both be happier that way, and we will think seriously re the nursery. Although its good to hear other nurseries can be similar.

Re: hand, foot and mouth

What about going to school?
Guidance from the Health Protection Agency is that children should not routinely be kept from school if they have hand, foot and mouth disease, if they are well enough in themselves to attend. Although there is a risk of passing it on to others, the illness is usually mild.

www.patient.co.uk/health/Hand,-Foot-and-Mouth-Disease.htm

Slapped cheek isn't contagious once the rash appears, so children don't need to stay off.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Slapped-cheek-syndrome/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

Clearly the HPA advice doesn't say, "Send them regardless", and you should always consider how well the child is themselves. There have been times that DS has been fine with a cold and we've sent him to nursery and then other times he's been miserable, even without a significant temperature, so I've kept him at home.

monkeymamma - YANBU because the nursery said it was okay, and how were you to know they were wrong to say this? - but of course you were also right to feel concerned.

Glad you're thinking again about the nursery. As others have said, it seems odd that they would take this risk with the health of their other children and staff.

I'm a childminder, and I did accept a child who was ill when I honestly knew that he had caught the infection from my own son - I figured I might as well take care of them both together so his mum could still go to work. However, even this was a dangerous precedent to set. Another time, I accepted this child when his mum assured me that his runny bottom was due to teething, and my own son then got D&V for a week so I had to close!

That's good that you've got a grandma nearby to help out! I meant to say earlier, I wouldn't recommend giving a baby calpol before sending into nursery as if you've signed the form giving permission to them to administer it, you run the risk of double dosing paracetamol. If you must give something, give nurofen.

^Surely you would just tell nursery that you had given it to them in the morning?

No, don't send him.

38 is not low grade and he might pass something on that could be more dangerous to another child.

I know you have decided that now anyway :)

I'm not surprised you feel bad, you should. He's not well, keep him at home until he's better. Its part and parcel of parenting.

Easilybored then you're telling them you have brought them in unwell and they would tell me to take her back home!

But he's not unwell! If he's running around and eating and drinking and his temp has gone down with a dose of calpol, then he's fine.

YANBU. Our CM used to take DD when she had a temp. With DD it was usually related to teeth or on occasion, ear infections and as she refused antibiotics, we used to get Nurofen on prescription from the GP and the CM would administer it. As long as she wasn't in pain, she was fine, woudn't even know that she was ill.

DD's pre-school is the same. Unless they have D&V or something else obviously catching like Chicken Pox, they don't have a problem taking them. Lots of children suffer with coughs, colds, high temps etc and sometimes it can be related to an infection, but sometimes not.

Go with your own judgement and don't beat yourself up about it. If he seems remotely unwell, they will send him home.

Such a difficult one. The nursery I sent my DS wouldn't automatically send a child with a temperature home, provided they could call me and get me to authorise calpol. If the calpol brought the temperature down, they would allow him to stay. But they wouldn't be happy with me actually sending my son in with a temperature.

I also always knew that if he was at nursery and he was unwell, it would mean it took longer for him to recover, and he would have broken nights, wouldn't eat well and would be miserable in the meantime.

I do feel your pain though because I recently had to take my DS out of nursery because of basically a year of illness. I would get a call from nursery on average once a fortnight saying that someone needed to come and get him. It puts you under a huge amount of pressure at work, and he is now with a childminder (which of course doesn't guarantee he won't get ill, but inevitably he is being exposed to fewer illnesses because he is mixing with fewer children).

So I think aside from the question of whether you are being unreasonable, I would have a really good think about what emergency measures you have in place because your child is bound to get ill quite often, at least for 3-6 months until his immune system matures a bit, and it will really help if you are prepared for that.

I feel its cruel to send a sick baby to nursery. Starting nursery is difficult at the best of times for a young child with the complication of being ill.

I think you deserve to feel bad. Its not as if you HAVE to go to work. I could understand you sending your baby if you had a crisis at work and both of your and partner had no annual leave. However you have the right to take up to 13 weeks unpaid parental leave to cover such emergencies.

Your child is not well, its just that the symptoms are masked by Calpol.

you do have to make tricky decisions where you're not sure if the baby is well enough or not for nursery when you're working, sometimes you make the wrong call, or worry all day that you made the wrong call - try not to feel bad, this is part of working & having dcs. DD got one cold after another the winter she started nursery - went on 4 months, there is no way I could keep her at home all the days when she had a cold, not realistic for most people and being able to hold down your job.

That said, if settling in takes longer than 2-3 weeks, I would be concerned about the nursery and I'd be direct with them about that concern - it's normal for a few weeks but longer than that...my dd would 'take' to some people and not others, it was down to personality with her.

While I would love to take 13 week unpaid leave, I would also like to not have my house repossessed.

I would change nurseries as if they will take your ill child, then in return your child will be picking up unnecessary infections from other children who are in with infections, which will mean you will miss a lot of work days.

Why are people so terrified of temperatures?