To send my baby to nursery with a temperature?

[monkeymamma]

I don't go back to work until next week, but ds has missed quite a few of his settling in sessions at nursery due to illness, conjunctivitis, colds etc so we are feeling like its very important that he goes today. But he has been up loads in the night with red cheeks and drooling, and this morning had a temp of 38.5.

Dh called and the nursery are happy to have him, they will keep an eye on him and call me if he seems ill or isn't settling. They've just set off now together (dh and ds). But I feel like a terrible woman. Surely it is bad and wrong to send him with a temperature (which in my mind is always a 'classic sign of terrible illness' even though my baby book says otherwise).

It's very hard to separate out any rational feelings about this from my innate guilt about leaving him at nursery in general. He is 12mo so settling him has been very tough (lots of tears, screaming, separation anxiety).

So aibu and a wet blanket to be feeling so anxious about this? Or aib a terrible mother to have ploughed on regardless and sent him this morning (braces self for answers)?

the other thing is, I'd clue Grandma in that she might be called upon extra times in the next 3 months at least and that it'll settle down - even with a good nursery with good illness procedures, your child is going to get sick a lot when they first start. Better to make sure she knows so that your back-up care doesn't get annoyed.

Yabvu!

YABVU. He's ill, you're his parent, you or your DH should be looking after after him. Simple. Yes, of course it's inconvenient for you but tough.

If I had DC at that nursery I would be furious that they were knowingly letting other children attend who were obviously unwell. It could be something contagious.

Hope he gets better soon.

"While I would love to take 13 week unpaid leave, I would also like to not have my house repossessed. "

No one is suggesting that you need to take 13 weeks unpaid leave. It is just what the law would allow. I doult that your child will be ill for 13 weeks.

Looking after poorly children is part of being a parent. (Not saying the mother should always take time off.)

I would be livid if my daughter's nursery excepted such an obviously sick child. The private nursery I used was far stricter about ill and the children were far less ill than the nursery I used with my son.

"Why are people so terrified of temperatures? "

Its not the temperature that terrifies people, its not wanting a child to develop glue ear as the result of constant ear infections. Its allowing a child to get better before they catch the next infection. A child who is constantly ill with minor infections has a rotten quality of life. Surely its better to allow a child to get better for their sake.

I sympathise with you, it is very stressful trying to balance work with a very young child and it can feel like being torn in two. You want him properly settled and happy at nursery before you go back to work. I don't see any selfishness there - you are trying to do what is best for him.

With a temp of 38.5 though, I know I would have joint pains, shivers, general ill feeling, and I would want to be at home with home comforts and someone to make a fuss of me. Could you pick him up early?

seeker: 'why are people terrified of temperatures'

I don't think most people are terrified of them but IMO you have to treat temperatures with respect. When one of my DD's was 2 she had febrile convulsions caused by a high temp and had to be rushed to A&E. Luckily she was OK but her temperature rose from 38.5 to over 40 degrees in just a couple of hours (despite using Calpol) and it was frightening to witness. It turned out she had a virus and she was fine after a few days thank goodness.

Temperatures are normally an indicator that the body's fighting an infection of some sort.

You have a sick child and yet you have sent him off to nursery? You are at home anyway,he should be at home ,with you,not passed off to someone else.What about all the other children?

My DS missed loads of days when he started at nursery due to the kinds of things you list - conjunctivitis, temperatures etc. I gave up and switched to a childminder where he was ill much less often. Hardly had a day off in three years. And still got chicken pox (on holiday!) so the 'take them to nursery to get all the illnesses out of the way' argument didn't stand. If you can, if your DC is a baby, I'd try a CM.

My eldest is 10 and I have absolutely no idea what constitutes a high temp . But I would send a baby to nursery if they were teething. DD always gets very warm, red faced and drooly when teething but is fine in her self when teething she screams all night though.

Why on earth would you send a poorly child to nursery? You are not thinking of the baby or the other children who attend and will catch the virus.

Would you enjoy your first day at a new job with a temp and feeling awful? Surely it's better just to let him recover and introduce him to the nursery when he is alert and happy.

YANBU and people need to calm down.

Our nursery has a very relaxed policy re sickness and will only exclude for D&V and conjunctivitis (which my doctor thinks is bananas btw). Diagnosed infectious diseases such as chicken pox etc are all obvious inclusions to the exclusion policy. They are happy to administer all medicines except for eye drops and will call for calpol authorisation if necessary (rarely happened). They have only had to call me twice in 18 months to get him early but they use common sense.

Sometimes sick children need to go to nursery. It may be unpalatable but it's the truth.

Sounds like your DS has classic teething symptoms and that your nursery takes a common sense approach. Try not to worry about the settling in, very shortly he will wave you off with barely a econd glance.

Quick Q for a childminder (or someone in the know).

Would you tell the CM that your child had come into contact with someone with chicken pox?

Teething isn't supposed to cause a temp. And if it does then it should only rise a little, and still should be within the normal range. A temp that high is more likely caused by infection or illness.