to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

[ICBINEG]

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

MrsHuxtable, just stop it. You're not helping.

I think that people need to remember OP hasn't DONE anything yet, nor has she made her mind up. She is exploring her options. She came here to discuss this very sensitive issue with other women, to get perspectives and advice. That is what we are supposed to be here for!

Yabu.

Where would people draw the line if everyone thought like this? - spd, antenatal depression (which I suffered extremely severely to the point of considering abortion even though actually I am quite anti abortion except in extremely extreme circumstances), pre eclampsia ....? Would people just abort and keep trying to have the "perfect" pregnancy?

It seems very immoral to me.

The best anyone can do is to focus on the fact it is horrible when complications happen but there are treatments available, if you need time off then you need time off and it is a temporary state. You won't be pregnant forever however horrible it is.

I had a terrible pregnancy first time around and had to have an early C-section because I couldn't sustain the pregnancy any longer. I spent a good portion of the pregnancy in hospital. DS4 is a healthy litte boy now.

Second time around we opted to terminate halfway through the second trimester when it was confirmed the baby (also a boy) had a chromosomal defect that was 'not compatible with life'.

That was far, far worse....

I'm pro-choice all the way but seriously....have you considered adoption?

AIBU was perhaps not the right place for the OP to post this but I do wonder how many of the people throwing around phrases such as 'killing babies' and 'disgusting' have had firsthand experience of HG?

Practically no one believes that all abortions are the same, otherwise there wouldn't be such an outcry over all the female fetuses aborted in India.

People have abortions for a hundred different reasons. Either you are against it, or you are for the right to individual choice. I don't understand judging on some kind of sliding scale as to which are good enough reasons and which are not.

OP, your body, your choice. Do what you want.

It would have been better to not post this in AIBU imo.

Oh I missed it AF, will have a look back now...thanks.

But nor should you be forced to carry a pregnancy to term if you are at the point where it is destroying you whether that destruction is physical, mental, emotional, etc. Pregnancy, while only nine months, can leave lasting scars of both the visible and invisible sort. It's not for anyone else to say why a woman chooses abortion and it's not for anyone else to say whether that choice was right or wrong.

As pointed out, the OP hasn't aborted a pregnancy, she's running through some thoughts and wrote those thoughts down. If you cannot give a balanced, unbiased, calm and emotive response and you know that abortion threads rile you, don't click on the post.

Ok, so anyone not with the opinion of the OP and her supporters dont get a say?

Anyone who doesn't find abortion emotive must be made of glass abd im saying that as someone in the pro choice camp, im not sorry that I find the thought of ttc'ing and aborting over again until you get a pregnancy that doesn't give you HG utterly repulsive and thats from someone who had HG and lost 3 stone in 12 weeks.

I hope this thread is pulled too.

Different I have had first hand experience of HG and I used the word disgusting.

Yes, I do think it's "disgusting" to plan pregnancies when you know there is a high chance you are going to abort them.

As I haven't had HG I don't want to comment on whether aborting due to it would be wrong or not.

But as it often reoccurs I would be worried that you might have to abort more than once, without getting to a non-sick pregnancy.

Or the one time you don't get the symptoms, it's because the pregnancy hasn't continued and miscarry, or have a missed miscarriage and end up having the same procedure as you would if you had an abortion. It's not pleasant :(

I could understand if you decide to try again, prepare as best you can, and if you end up aborting because you can't cope, just stop there.

But obviously it's your life, your womb and only you can know the pain you've already been through.

How many abortions will you have OP? 3? 5? 10? What if you have HG every time?

It's traumatic and an emotional roller coaster. Plus its surgery, there are risks and potential physical effects. Yet you appear to trivialise it. Oh I'll just try again...

I'm not playing down HG by any means. What you need to do is seek medical advice.

Haven't read all the posts, and I'm sure it's already been said, but if you have had HG once, your likely to get it the next time round (and worse with successive pregnancies), so if you can't stand it then yes YABU to even contemplate this when the likelihood is you will be suffering and therefore Abort. Just adopt!

AHEM

YABU.

And I've had HG in 1 pregnancy.

Ahh I've seen the link now and yes, it appears to be the opposite of some of what she's been told...especially the low body mass, although it does mention under 30's.

I'll mail her the link to look over.

Don't tell me to stop it.
I know what HG is like. Had it for 9 months and am now planning for a second HG pregnancy as I know that's what I will most likely end up with.

I also said, I understand wanting to terminate when suffering from HG and having to do it if you really can't cope anymore.

But then you don't go trying again til you have better luck. You just don't. It gives women who terminate for "decent" reasons a bad name.

I will hide this thread now because honestly, this is one of me most horrendous things I've read on here in ages.

And no, the OP had not done anything yet but even to think like this is wrong. Maybe my standards for a decent human being are to high.

What the OP should do, if she really really wants a second child is prepare herself, like I do. Get her affairs in order, get herself to optimum health, plan childcare for her DC1 for when she's too sick to do it herself, speak to her doctor and get a plan of action ready. Medication she responds to, find an accupuncurist who deals with HG women but mostly get her DH on board because his support will be vital, should she get sick again.

For goodness sake... Does a woman have to be screaming and crying her pain to get a sympathetic response?

The op is considering her very unique position and exploring her own feelings.

Disgraceful comments by some in here.

Many people delay subsequent pregnancies for years because an experience (during pregnancy or labour) leaves them unable to comtemplate a repeat.

Perhaps you're just not ready yet.

I know people who have had HG more than once. And another who had it once only out of 3 times.

Tbh the idea of trying to conceive whilst simultaneously planning an abortion really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Sorry that probably doesn't help a horrible situation.

I understand the fear the OP feels about having HG again and also, like most of us, the desire to have a child. Perhaps she just wants to give herself permission in advance to end the pregnancy if it all becomes too much. The posters who've had HG and still think the OP is 'disgusting' because it's 'only 9 months' seem to have forgotten how it feels to wonder how you're going to make it through the next hour, never mind 9 months. When you're at your worst, 9 months might as well be 9 years.

different I wouldn't ttc again if it had scarred me so badly, and believe me it scarred me. But then again right now I wouldn't consider ttc again anyway and probably never will. Thats the bit that I got annoyed about, maybe I should have more sympathy for OP and in a way I do because it's making her think like this.

But it was just the way the OP was worded, like she can get pregnant anytime time wants and just abort if needs be. I just don't understand why you would knowingly and deliberately do that.

I don't think it's disgusting because it's only 9 months, I remember it well it was utter hell. I had loads of problems and posted on here numerous times saying I just wanted it to end.

I wouldn't ever consider TTC with plans to abort if I don't like the outcome though. With me I was extremely lucky, the HG was kept at bay because they started treating me as soon as it became apparent that it was not normal MS, there are things they can do to prevent the amount of damage so I would think it normal to look into this first before writing any pregnancy off with an abortion if it doesn't go well.

If you really couldn't handle the thought of another pregnancy being the same would you really plan one?

AF Had a look at the link, it was a good read. Lots I didn't know. Very strange as I had a boy though and everything keeps coming up that it's normally girls you have it with.

I think, given the statistics of HG recurring that I think AF quoted on page 1, which I think said it is only 20% more likely than for any other pregnancy ??

If that's right I think it would be reasonable to hope for another child, a sibling for your DC, and ttc. In other words to travel hopefully on life's journey.

If you did have HG and found it unbearable then you just go into this knowing that there is an option to stop that that you personally would consider.

Probably if it was me I'd consider adopting my second child but I can accept that would be my likely decision in your situation. I also accept you might make a different choice and go ahead with TTC.

Good luck !

i haven't had hg, so i am not even going to try to imagine whether or not i could cope with it, nor can i say whether or not termination would be a reasonable response to it, but i don't think it's likely that you would be able to undertake a ttc/pregnancy/hg/abortion cycle repeatedly without doing yourself some emotional (and possibly physical) damage. i'm with the posters who are advising that you take medical advice and consider counseling in advance of ttc, and i woudln't in your position be thinking ahead of one pregnancy.

good luck, i hope you can come to a conclusion you can work with.