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Original poster

to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

506 replies

ICBINEG · 04/02/2013 17:26

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/02/2013 20:46

AllYoursBabooshka perhaps I'll have a chat to my friend then...or at least suggests she does some Googling.

Mind you, she may well have got it wrong because she was repeating to me what her DD had said the Doctor told her IYSWIM?

ethelb · 04/02/2013 20:48

I am going to go against the tide and say yanbu.

You are admitting to not being naive about the possibility of abortion. I dont think it is that different to using ivf where you know some embryos will be destroyed imo.

BambieO · 04/02/2013 20:49

Ethel, brace yourself.... Brew

BambieO · 04/02/2013 20:49

In fact Wine not Brew

FanFuckingTastic · 04/02/2013 20:50

I believe people are being harsh, but I guess that is their emotive response that they are allowed to have.

OP I can understand it must be very difficult to want another child, but have the risk of HG. Can you discuss this with experts first before you do TTC to gain a better understanding of what can be done to support you and perhaps prevent it getting too serious (not treating until seriously dehydrated always struck me as a bit stupid).

I don't thing I would judge someone for terminating a pregnancy where they are likely to suffer immensely as a result of continuing, and from what I learned about HG during a recent discussion is that it can be hell on earth and that they treat the worst of it, but don't do a lot of preventative, or at least alleviating treatments.

I terminated due to extreme emotional trauma and I don't think that was wrong. I'd terminate now to prevent further physical suffering to myself too. When you have children already, it's not always feasible to put yourself into a situation where you would not be available to them because of severe illness.

I can also understand wanting to try for another, but I think OP you need to speak to a consultant about it, rather than Mumsnet. x

GetOrf · 04/02/2013 20:51

I agree with jenai and greensleeves on this.

I have never had HG thank god, so don't know how awful it is, but can empathise.

Tbh though I think that the OP sounds scared of having ut again and is trying to rationalise ttc again. I would really think that some counselling about her experiences would help in order that she is able to come to the right decision.

MrsHuxtable · 04/02/2013 20:51

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MrsHuxtable · 04/02/2013 20:52

Oh, and yes, chances are extremly high that you will HG again. I really don't know where you got your rubbish info from.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 20:54

Worra did you see my link near the beginning of this thread ? It appears to go against some of the clinical features of your friend's presentation.

Bearfrills · 04/02/2013 20:54

Woah! Harsh, much?

IMO abortion discussions boil down to one fact and that fact is that it is none of your business.

If the OP chooses to end a pregnancy then she is fortunate enough to live in a country where she has that choice.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:55

Getorf

I think you are right. The OP sounds cold because she trying to make arational argument.

Toddle · 04/02/2013 20:57

(Haven't read the whole thead)

I have been on mumsnet 3/4 years maybe and I can count on one hand the number of times I post on AIBU but I couldn't not post.

I do sympathise with you I honestly do. It's horrific and I suffered with it myself to the level you did. I was prescribed quite strong medication which did help although did not stop it.

However I find your thoughts disgusting. That sounds really strong and I remember the feeling like it was yesterday, BUT it is temporary. Yes the whole 9 months of my pregnancy did not seem like temporary for me but it was. It has had no lasting damage ok I nearly had a melt down when I was sick the other week. It is hard so hard. I do not think abortions were made legal for these type of reasons.

It seems so wrong to get pregnant willingly then abort because you are sick. To then get pregnant again and again etc.

When would you draw the line at saying yes this is hg and not normal morning sickness lets abort?

I do sympathise I do it's horrid. I also want another child and I am petrified of being the same again with a child to look after this time too. However if I want another child I know this is just a risk I am going to have to take. It's not a easy decision to make.

I really so hope you change the way you are thinking about this

AllDirections · 04/02/2013 20:57

Worra I was told it got worse with each pregnancy and it did. I was at the minimum end of my weight range at the beginning of each pregnancy and I was over 24.

MrsHuxtable · 04/02/2013 20:58

The OP makes it other people's business by asking about it on here. So posters are entitled to give their opinions.

By all means, she can go and have 10 terminations of healthy children, it's her right, sadly, but don't go and talk about it on a parenting forum.

If I was so morally corrupt, I'd keep it to myself!

saycheeeeeese · 04/02/2013 20:58

Its none of anyone's business but she came on a public forum and asked. And on AIBU of all places

Personally not something I'd do without the expectation of getting some hard hitting opinions and upsetting alot of people who don't view it her way.

nannyof3 · 04/02/2013 21:00

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Bearfrills · 04/02/2013 21:00

Yes, opinions not personal attacks such as calling her disgusting and horrible.

saycheeeeeese · 04/02/2013 21:01

The attitude is disgusting.

MrsHuxtable · 04/02/2013 21:02

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ethelb · 04/02/2013 21:03

Braced

perceptionreality · 04/02/2013 21:03

My friend had HG in 4 pregnancies - two aborted. And I think the HG factored in her reasoning to have the abortions Sad

JenaiMorris · 04/02/2013 21:04

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Bearfrills · 04/02/2013 21:04

If you know you react in such a way to abortion then why click on the thread? It's clear from the title what it is about, just click 'hide' instead.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 21:04

oh fgs, I hope HQ pull this thread now

fucking emotive bullshitters coming out of the woodwork

Saski · 04/02/2013 21:04

Many people are pro-choice because they don't feel a fetus is a baby. I'd consider myself squarely in this camp. Ergo, I'm not scandalized by the OP's rationale.