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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

506 replies

ICBINEG · 04/02/2013 17:26

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 20:24

Nobody is underplaying the seriousness of HG here...not sure where you are coming from, Jcb

expatinscotland · 04/02/2013 20:25

Every now and again, I read something on MN that blows my mind.

This is one of those.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:26

AF

I agree, if anything, the reverse. I ink most of us can imagine how terrible it is.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:26

Think, not ink

BambieO · 04/02/2013 20:27

y fronts I don't think it's always so easy, I'm not trying to be argumentative as I think your post has some great pointers. I'm glad life changes worked for you but at one point in my HG I couldn't even drink water, even when hospitalised I had to have my medicine through IV as it wouldn't stay down.

It wasn't what I was eating as I couldn't physically eat anything for some time.

I am however glad it worked for you and in my next pg if I am lucky I think I will heed your advice and try to make some changes in the run up! Worth a shot!

apostropheuse · 04/02/2013 20:27

OP YABU, for the same reasons as many have already posted.

I don't wish anything bad on you though - you are obviously very confused and desparate. All I have to say is please don't conceive until you are sure that you will not abort a healthy baby to help relieve what is after all a temporary condition, no matter how horrible it is.

The worst part of your post, for me, was the idea of aborting and then trying again until you get a pregnancy you can cope with. That's just not right.

I also don't think it's right that you said that only certain people could answer your post - people do have a right to an opinion, whatever that may be. However, people should not make personal attacks on you. The rght to an opinion works both ways.

NoraSpect · 04/02/2013 20:28

Yabvvvu!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 04/02/2013 20:29

I think op would have been very aware of the kinds of responses she would get to this thread. Its an emotive subject, people get upset.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:30

Also, the OP specifically asks about which side of our personal lines this falls, so it's not helpful for some to try and shut down the argument.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2013 20:30

I'm surprised to learn that if you have it in one pregnancy, you're likely to have it in others.

My friend's DD had HG so severely that she carried her baby to full term and it was stillborn Sad

But she was told it's more likely in a first pregnancy, if you're obese, under 24 (she was 20) and a few other things that I can't remember.

Unless she was misinformed? But she's under the impression that if she TTC again it won't necessarily mean she gets HG?

IneedAsockamnesty · 04/02/2013 20:31

Its all fine and well saying that girloutnumbered but she won't know if she can deal with it again until she actually has it, she won't know how bad it will or won't get or how ill she is going to be, some people with HG may not even require anything other than anti sickness tablets but some may end up near death and several In between that may have a few times of drips or constant.

Perhaps she's not posted again because of the vile comments the personal attacks and being called a troll or because some posters have been twats.

BambieO · 04/02/2013 20:31

apostropheuse I think your post was very well worded.

There is a panorama on right now about the topic of abortion. I shall be watching to see if I can gather some information as I would not choose to have one but am interested to see other views

saycheeeeeese · 04/02/2013 20:32

I had high HG and high BP which led to eclampsia. And for that reason I don't take ttc lightly, I think the reason why the OP has got flamed here is the flippant attitude she has displayed around the subject of abortion, her closing statement was particularly inflammatory IMO assuming that it would be just the pro life camp disgusted by this "don't bother posting".

Well its not just them so if she is too scared to face the comments on here as a result of the "grey opinions" thats sad, hopefully she will have the views she was looking for.

thebody · 04/02/2013 20:34

Jamie, I just object to people making really personal attacks on the poster. It's not right and its not fair.

ChestyNut · 04/02/2013 20:36

YABSVU

If you can't deal with the possibility of HG then don't try to conceive.

Actually find it really upsetting that you'd consider it

I'm out Sad

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:38

Fine, but i haven't had an abortion, or HG, and am allowed to have a POV as are most of the people on here, who are not attacking the OP.

I do sympathise. The fear of it happening again must be awful. It is impossible to be categorical about this. My concern would be less about the foetus than the effect on her own physical and mental health if she went ahead with a pg that she half expected to have to abort

sasamaxx · 04/02/2013 20:38

YABU
I really hope this is some kind of joke

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:38

^ my post above was in response to thebody

DifferentNow · 04/02/2013 20:40

I had a termination when I was 17. It was absolutely the right decision at the time, however I had to have counselling afterwards and am still grieving nearly 20 years later.

I'm now pregnant with my fifth child. This baby, like our other 4, was planned and much wanted. I've had severe HG in each of the pregnancies and was advised by health professionals during the first and in each subsequent pregnancy that I should expect to have it every time.

The HG this time had been much worse than with the others. We don't intend to have any more children, however I can say with certainty that I would not undertake another pregnancy because I know I could not cope with HG like this again. I'm in a better place now, but when I was at my worst I begged my DH to agree to a termination. I can't quite believe it now looking back but HG is a terrible illness and I have never felt so physically and mentally unwell in my life. Thankfully DH had enough strength to support us both through it and I'm so glad now. Feeling like I could not go on was never something I could have anticipated and it took a ton of support and courage to overcome it.

I have experienced both outcomes OP and neither is pretty. In your shoes I would be counting my blessings and definately not TTC. I agree with other posters in that the way you describe these senarios seems quite detached from reality.

cleoowen · 04/02/2013 20:42

Cannot believe you would abort babies routinely if they made you sick! What a harrendous attitude to have. Very upset,by your post.I cannot imagine someone aborting multiple babies on the chance one won't make them sick. Surely 9 months of sickness is worth it for having another child. I was sick during my pregnancy and,was admited to hospital because of,it. I would never consider aborting my baby over it. I was worried about him more than me.

Think you just put up with it if you want a,baby and,if you can't don't have one. Sorry but with that attitude I worry about you having a baby at all.

By the way I am not anti abortion. I believe in choice in the right circumstances.

AllYoursBabooshka · 04/02/2013 20:42

Worra, I was only ever told that it was more common in your first pregnancy. I was 19 when I had it and no one mentioned anything about being under 24.

Sounds like she has had some off information as it is very possible that she will get it again.

Jcbmgb · 04/02/2013 20:43

There are a numer of posts where HG is being equated with 'nausea' or 'sickness' in pregnancy.

thebody · 04/02/2013 20:44

No agree with that post Jamie.. Would be a very sad situation.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:44

A few, not most.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/02/2013 20:45

Xpost.. Yes thebody.