to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

[ICBINEG]

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

I think Yabu and that you shouldn't ttc if you already see termination as a real option.

It's interesting as always to see that many women (myself included) are only pro choice up to a point and do judge the reasons behind abortion.

Yabu. Very u.

Your attitude towards a pregnancy as disposable is extremely disturbing.

After how many aborted pregnancies would you stop?

I've had it 4 times, 2 miscarriages at various stages one pregnancy full term and I'm 20wks pregnant now again with HG.

It is horrendous, truly truly horrendous and I have had moments of thinking I really can't do it any more. I have wished I wasn't pregnant. It is not just severe morning sickness it is so much more than that and mentally it destroys me. I did wonder at times if I would make it through without doing anything just to stop it.

Op, sorry but you are highly likely to get it again. It took me 5yrs before I could face pregnancy again and here I am.

If you can't do it again then don't get pregnant. Be happy with your dc and grateful that you have what many people would love.

One really important thing to remember with HG is that it does end, everyday your ill is one less day to suffer and you can get meds to take the edge off it.

But where would you draw the lines?

At what stage of pregnancy would you choose to abort, and draw the line between 'morning sickness' which may disappear, and hg?

How many attempts would you have? Would you stop trying after two attempts? Three/four/five?

What if you aborted #1 then had difficulty conceiving #2?

Are there any risks to your future reproductive health from having repeated abortions (especially if you're leaving them a bit later to see if symptoms emerge)?

If HG is enough to make you consider aborting future pregnancy/pregnancies then it would bode well to do a lot more research before tttc.

It would also be beneficial to research different possible treatments for HG if you were to suffer in future pregnancies. Maybe you tried all different meds last time, or maybe you didn't and it could be better treated were you to get it again.

This seems like an extreme response, and I think that rather than asking Mn for opinions you'd be better off talking with your partner, health practitioners, and doing some of your own research.

Yabu

I had hg in each of my 4 pregnancies inc multiple hospital admissions.

Can I ask what help did you get in your last pregnancies to deal with the HG?

You need to speak to a doctor about this before making any decisions about ttc, don't be fobbed off. If you feel you doctor doesn't understand the severity (quite common) then seek out a second opinion. There are ways to manage HG if you get the right support and medication.

I'm currently pregnant with DC 2 and thankfully didn't get it again. It did however take me 4 years to feel brave enough to ttc, it's a huge deal to willingly put yourself in a position where you could be seriously ill, possibly for nine long months. It's relentless and the fear never leaves you but as I said, there are things you can do.

You are frightened and IMO looking at this all wrong. Get talking to people who can help and make a plan.

I understand how horrible it is, but really this isn't the right mindset to begin a pregnancy. If you really think possible HG is enough to make you terminate, then I don't think you are ready for another child. HG last a max 9 months, regret might last forever.

(I was sick all day every day through all my three pregnancies, but not to the extent of hospitalisation, but enough to make normal life nearly impossible, especially with my middle child.)

Yabu.
If you can't go through with it again, then don't. Try speaking with professionals too. I'm sorry you feel like this.

I also had pnd with my first...that pregnancy was terrible emotionally. DH really did not want me to have another and we put off TTC for 5 years.

I got pregnant with DC2 (due in May) on my first try and this one has been terrible physically, though thank God it has cleared up somewhat at 24 weeks.

Will I try again? I don't know. I definitely want more but I'm not sure any other biological children are in the cards for us.

If I knew for sure the pnd would return I definitely wouldn't TTC another. It started around 20 weeks with DS and was awful; I'm already past that point with this one and hope I'll continue to feel mentally well.

I had HG in all 3 pregnancies and was medicated for all three (and hospitalised for parts of 2). I can remember thinking at one point really this can't get much worse or I will have to consider a termination, (and this was a much wanted child). I do understand where you are coming from.

I went through it again after that (took it much easier had given up work and dh expected absolutely nothing from me in the way of house work for 6mths+) but I figured for 9 months of difficulty I would have 18+ years of another child.
It was worth it.

However I also coceived dc3 knowing about a genetic problem in the family we conceived on the understanding that we would abort should the need arise (1 in 4 chance) due to the risk to our other dc.... Fortunately we did not have too but I would never ever wish to return to that place again.

Abort and try again?
it's a baby not a fucking driving test!

YANBU, and I think some posters have been very unkind. HG can be unspeakable.

However I wonder if you'll find you can bear to do it when it comes to it. As someone else wrote, if you abort at 12 weeks you may end up wondering for the rest of your life whether the sickness would have stopped a couple of weeks later.

But this is a real situation in which a woman's right to choose is pivotal. You can choose. Only you and your bloke know if you can cope, and what you think is right. TBH, I think it's a bad idea to ask us. You're just getting flack from people who think you're heartless, and really it's so intensely personal, so entirely bound up with your personal morality, that only the family can and should decide.

Be thankful for the child you have instead of contemplating this , am astounded when so many women including myself have to undergo difficult treatment to conceive in the first place

I don't think you are necessarily being unreasonable. It depends on whether your DH supports your choice, and whether you are prepared to do your best to carry the foetus to term, making use of whatever medical help, family support and willpower you can draw on even if HG does set in. If it's a yes on both counts, then that's all anybody can reasonably ask of you - only you can judge how much you are able to cope with, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I wouldn't say that it's any different from starting a pregnancy with the intention of terminating if severe and treatment-resistant antenatal depression significantly impairs your quality of life. It's also on the same scale as starting a pregnancy with the intention of terminating if life-altering congenital defects are discovered during a scan, IF the impact of those defects on yourself and your family is one of your reasons for intending to terminate in those circumstances.

My main concern would be how late in pregnancy you would consider abortion to be acceptable, given that the procedure becomes a lot more traumatic for all involved when the foetus gets beyond 12 weeks old.

I don't think it's fair to blame OP for being able to get pregnant when others struggle, it's really not that simple. Just because she can and others can't shouldn't be used to make her feel bad.

Yes it's truly sad when others struggle I have dear dear friends who have and whilst they may be miffed or jealous when others have fallen easily they would never wish their plight on others or blame them for their own sadness they experience.

To say she shouldn't be able to make such decisions when others can't fall pregnant is very short sighted.

I don't think anyone is arguing the fact how horrendous HG is. To plan an abortion if you get it again just doesn't sit right with me. How many attempts would you give it?

Anyway I wish you well whatever you decide.

I don't think you are taking in to account how difficult making the decision to abort would be. Or the fact that you may feel an awful lot of guilt - that you then have to live with - afterwards. If you genuinely could not go through HG again, then my advice would be to not risk getting pregnant. I am pro-choice, and respect a mothers right to choose, but you are armed with the knowledge that you are more likely to experience HG again and therefore are going into ttc with your eyes wide open. Just be aware that you may not feel as comfortable with the idea of aborting a healthy foetus and trying again when you actually have a healthy foetus growing inside of you.

Yanbu.

An abortion is still an abortion, still the same outcome for the foetus, whatever the reason for it.

However I think the advice given here to seek medical guidance and counselling prior to ttc is sound.

When push comes to shove would you do/give anything (legal) for a second child? You have to decide that before rolling the dice again...

I had horrendous HG with my first pregnancy - it took 3 years until I built up the courage to get pregnant again. I was terrified but I do honestly believe it is wrong to ttc if you think you'd abort because of HG. Afaik there's a pretty high chance of you suffering again and it usually gets worse with successive pregnancies.

As it turns out I was sick maybe 5 times a day with dd (2nd pregnancy) so it was fine. However, had that not been the case there's no way I'd have aborted.

I really do believe you'd be massively unreasonable.

Reading this thread is sickening, OP what a disgusting attitude you gave. I had HG so I understand how it is but to purposely TTC and then just abort a healthy baby like some disposable nuisance. . YABU

Even if you did abort due to HG your symptoms won't disappear overnight! It can take days to weeks for the symptoms to go away.

Tbh, I wouldn't concieve at all if you are thinking like this.

I had 6 pregnancies including one miscarriage. The first I was sick for 9 months and the others for decreasing amounts from 5 - 3. However I was never sick with the one I miscarried and think I read somewhere that for some women it is a sign of a healthy viable pregnancy to be sick.

So I would not trust that strategy at all, despite understanding the desolation of hyperemesis .

I wouldn't even TTC.

I have never had an abortion, but i would imagine those who has had to make to descion has had it would have been a very emotinal decision.

Your post reads as though you view pregnancy as being as disposable as a takeaway wrapper because you became pregnant so quickly in the past (there is nothing to say you will in the future). I hope you don't actually feel that way... I'm sure you don't.

I can understand a woman wanting an 'out' when something makes you feel so very, very ill and I understand that when you are very very ill if a termination will stop it, that for some it's an option or at least a consideration.

I'm struggling with the concept that having a termination is an option when you've gone into the pregnancy knowing that it's a distinct possibility you will suffer from HG again and I think it is beyond the pale to 'keep trying' until you end up with a pregnancy that doesn't make you ill.

I could almost understand you saying you saying you will 'give it a go' and that you will do your upmost to cope with the pregnancy but if you are gravely ill you will consider a termination and not try again. I think it's the trying again and again that sits so very badly IMO.

I am pro-choice - I think a woman should be able to terminate, for any reason, legally. It is not to say I think that termination is something that should be taken lightly or used as a method of 'oops again' 'contraception'. Having the legal right to do something, doesn't make it the morally right decision. (This is more in answer to the question posed by someone else, not the OP, about why if you are pro life it matters why).