to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

[ICBINEG]

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

[IAmLouisWalsh]

Totally support right to choose and everything else. But to TTC with an abortion in mind already just doesn't sit right.

[BambieO]

OP is definitely not a troll. She contributes regularly and is quite level headed, perhaps we should give her a bit of a break.

Everyone is different, while I couldn't do it myself and wouldnt think of it as an option I don't judge her for contemplating it, it's a truly horrific experience.

She isn't being blasé about it she is seeking opinions on a matter clearly troublesome for her. Valid opinions be they for or against of course but not spiteful remarks, that's not what she has asked for.

[MrsHoarder]

I wouldn't ttc in the knowledge that I am prone to a condition which would cause me to abort. And I don't think I could go through with your plan.

Look into the figures, have a discussion with your gp and maybe have some counselling.

[GlitterySkulls]

I really recommend you have some sort of counselling before you attempt to ttc, op .

I must admit to being a bit at what you're proposing- and I've suffered severe HG myself, more than once.

[StinkyWicket]

I am pro-choice. Definitely.

But I think it shows a really weird attitude to be considering it should you get HG again. If you think you wouldn't cope, IMO you shouldn't TTC. Ever. And I can't get over that you would consider aborting then trying again later!

[5madthings]

Its. Not despicable,women do terminate for hg, it can be utterly debilitating and she isn't sating she will def terminate but that she might, it would be an option but hopefully any medical professionals involved in her care would make sure every other option had been tried first.

I a, pro-choice even if just not a choice iu think I can make and having never had hg I am not in a position to know what I would do.

icb get good medical advice, research and arm yourself with info and get a plans. Make sure you have your dh or someone else to act as an advocate for you so if you are Ill they can fight your corner and make sure you get treatment and support.

You can treat hg quite aggressively and almost pre-empt it, I don't know the details but as I said before the fb page I mentioned has lots of asdvice and there must be online support forums?

[CheerfulYank]

Yabu.

HG is horrendous though...what I had was mild compared to some, but the nausea and resulting constipation from the medication are still some of the most awful physical things I've ever experienced.

I would make sure you can get medical assistance, not just some Dr who will say "oh, try ginger biscuits."

[Theicingontop]

I couldn't. But it's really up to you, isn't it?

And your husband. I don't know if, in his position, I'd be able to see your point of view.

[5madthings]

To TTC with abortion in mind is wrong etc etc...actually I don't think it is.

I have five children all very much wanted and planned but has I got do Ill that it was a risk of compromising my long term health (and hg can compromise your long term health) or if there has been a problem with the baby I would have thought about abortion. I have no idea what I would do as I never had to make that choice but I knew it was an option and a choice I could make.

[Greensleeves]

OP I think the fact that you are thinking this way shows the scale of your fear of going through that hell again. I had a horrific pregnancy and birth too and it makes me shake if I think about it too much. Ignore the personal attacks - they are not worth your time

Can you ask for some specialist counselling to deal with your (completely understandable) fear and put together a plan of action for coping with HG a second time?

I also think you should consider posting this again in the pregnancy or health section. AIBU is full of idiots strong opinions

[5madthings]

Had I got so ill

[Flobbadobs]

I really hope some of you are never desperate enough to come on here for advice. I've read enough of her posts to know she's completely on the level, not a despicable person and and not a fucking troll!
ICBINEG I hope you can find a way through this, I (and most people on this thread) can't imagine what you must be going through at the moment. I wish you both well.

[CheerfulYank]

But the thing about HG is, it's got a definite time limit. Yes, it is hell, but not forever.

[OliviaMumsnet]

Hello
Understandably feelings are running v high on this thread as it's an emotive divisive topic and that is FINE.

BUT we would still ask that people stick to our guidelines. regardless of reasonableness

For those who don't know about HG Mumsnet has info here


OP, do let us know if you'd like us to move this thread out of AIBU - perhaps our Antenatal Choices topic might be a more appropriate place?

Thanks

[thefirstmrsrochester]

5madthings I salute you and the advice you give. HG made me want to give up. It's why I stopped ttc.

[Crawling]

Yabvvvu.

[5madthings]

Thanks thefirstmrsrochester I have never had it but have a few friends who have and have read enough to know it can be horrific. I can't judge any woman that finds herself having to think about having an abortion, even if she TTC's knowing it may be an option. Fgs I doubt its something the op actually wants to do, but she us right to think about it and to educate and arm herself with as much info as she can.

icb I hope you can gather the info you need, find a helpful, understanding and proactive Dr and midwife who will help you and support you xxx

[SolomanDaisy]

I think you're probably underestimating the emotional impact a termination for HG would have. Is your HG pregnancy quite recent? I'd guess this is more about the trauma of that pregnancy than any real intention to terminate.

I had bad SPD and it definitely figures in considering whether/when to TTC again, mainly due to the impact it would have on DS. I wouldn't consider a possible pregnancy/termination scenario for it though.

[betterwhenthesunshines]

I'm not anti-abortion. I haven't read this whole thread though as I think I would find it upsetting. I just have another way of looking at it....

With your current DC - go and look at them now - would you feel happy if you knew you had chosen abortion as a way to avoid the HG sickness?

I haven't had an abortion, although I have a close friend who had one, for very good reasons. I think she still finds it hard. It is something you have to live with for the rest of your life and I think that would only be possible if you knew your reasons for that decision were truly justified.

[AngelaCatalano]

Yabu. I'm sorry you were so unwell in your pregnancy, but this proposed course of action isn't defensible, let's face it. And even if it was ethically ok, I think the emotional impact on you and your DH would be too great.

What would you do if you aborted a foetus and then couldn't conceive afterwards, for some reason (not necessarily linked to the abortion)? Could you live with that?

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I would have maybe liked to have had more children, but i know i would find the early months incredibly hard, perhaps with a petition of the pnd i suffered. For this reason i would not ttc again, even though

A) i might have an easier time
B) i know the crap times pass

Nowhere in my reasoning would abortion figure. To me this seems somewhat comparable.

[MammytoM]

I have had HG and it is absolutely horrendous. I couldn't even drink water and spent three to four nights a week in hospital. I did have a few different meds but none worked for me. Absolutely nothing stopped it. Physically, it's the worst thing I ever had to go through. I had health problems afterwards too because if it. I can't count the amount of times I sat in floods of tears, feeling completely helpless and extremely ill. I may have wanted the pregnancy to go quicker but I never thought about aborting. Apparently abortion due to HG is quite common in America amongst those who have the condition.
How old is your DC? I can completely understand you worrying about having it again - I too have the same concern for if I was to have another. I think your DC has to be old enough to understand why mummy isn't well. I can't even Maine being away from my DS for three to four nights a week in hospital. Heartbreaking for go me and not fair on him. If I were you I would nt try to ttc if I thought I may want to abort due to HG. I can 100% understand what it's like, I've been there - but I can't imagine aborting a child I had wanted (who is healthy). As awful as HG is I think I could do it all over again if I wanted another child - it's horrendous but it's temporary (although seems to go on forever). Right now my DS is not even 18 months and I know I couldn't go through it again just yet. Maybe I never will come round to the idea - but if I don't then I will definitely not be ttc!
I guess what I'm trying to say is leave it longer before ttc and see if you feel differently. I think you have to be string to go through it twice, you have to really want the end result, that gorgeous bundle of joy at the end is priceless. Also, there's a chance if you abort due to HG and then get pregnant again you may still have HG on the third - would you abort again then? Your desire to have another baby has to outweigh the chance of HG. You need to be thinking you want the baby no matter what, HG or no HG

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

That was repetition, not petition in my post above