to ttc if I think I will abort if the HG sets in again?

[ICBINEG]

So DH and I have conceived immediately on two occasions, one early miscarriage and one birth. I had hideous soul destroying sickness almost all of the way through pregnancy. We are beginning to start thinking about having another child, but I feel almost certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy like the last one. My understanding of HG is that it is unlikely to strike twice (although you are slightly more likely to get it if you had it before) and that each pregnancy may be fine or not.

So is it unreasonable to ttc if I think I might abort due to HG?

If we conceive and then I get horribly sick is it unreasonable to abort and try again?

Given we would only ever have one more child and seem to be able to conceive at will this might be more a case of choosing to bring to term the baby that doesn't make me horrendously sick for 9 months rather than wasting life etc.

I'm not sure I can really buy into that argument though....

(ps. if you are of the never abort under any circumstances camp then please don't bother posting...I know that opinion exists and am not in the slightest bit swayed by it. I am interested in hearing from other with grey zone opinions on abortion as to which side of their personal line this falls).

so you're pro-choice as long as the choices made fit into your moral framework?

If your hands are off her uterus they should also be off her morals.

cleoowen, it's quite different from a designer baby. I'm not sure how you can compare the two.

Either one views a fetus as a baby, or one doesn't. The gray areas inbetween seem inconsistent, particularly in early days i.e. first half or two thirds of the first trimester.

I had HG with DS2 and did actually consider aborting at a couple of points it was so awful.

It is one of the reasons we are not having more children.

I think you are underestimating the effect of a termination of a healthy wanted foetus and also overestimating your fertility.

How many goes would you have?

Am 100% pro choice and totally believe you should be able to do this if this is your wish. That doesn't mean I think it is a very good idea.

I've had 2 pregnancies and both were HG from 6 weeks through to birth. I spent about 12 weeks in hospital in total for both and all the medication achieved was that with it I could keep hydrated enough most of the time. I was still very sick, hence the admissions. I had a lovely obstetrician who told me after the first pregnancy, that it would probably be the same for all my pregnancies. He was fully supportive of my second pregnancy and having good medical care helped me cope. I do wonder if you got good care, OP.

It took me 2 years to talk DH into a second baby as he was horrified by the HG and by halfway through the pregnancy we had both agreed that there was no way we'd have a third. It was a decision based on the welfare of all of us. It would hit my health too hard and would be unfair on the kids. DS had to deal with my vomiting 23 hours a days, having no energy to do anything with him. I can't do that again with 2 kids.

I went into the second pregnancy knowing the likelihood of HG and actually, I found it easier than the first. The HG was the same but I think it seemed worse first time because it was so unexpected and I'd never even heard of it before. And also I kept hoping it would stop at 14 weeks, 20 etc. 2nd time around I knew it would go on to delivery. Strangely, the lack of false hope helped.

If it was me, I couldn't ttc knowing that I planned to abort for HG. It would be too hard ( and to me, unethical) to abort a wanted and healthy child and I don't think I'd know when to decide that I'd had enough. If you really want a second child, I think you have to accept the risk of HG and plan how to access sympathetic medical care and how to get help at home to make it a bit easier. I wish you well.

I'm pro-choice. That doesn't mean I think that an abortion is a super fun experience that I'm keen for everybody to try. Nor does it mean pro-your- choice-as-long-as-it's-acceptable-to-my-personal-moral-framework.
Women choose to terminate for many, many reasons. The only person's view they should be considering is their own because it is their choice and they live with it.
So I would say to the OP YANBU to consider that HG may lead you to terminate. That'syour choice at that point, however YABU if you reckon you could embark on round after round of ttc and then abortion without it fundamentally and seriously affecting both your physical and I suspect your mental health.
I agree also that the OP is mistaken in thinking that HG will not recur. I think she would find herself very sick again and if she is sure that she would terminate in that case it would be better not to ttc. Just less heartache tbh.

I just think you need to carefully consider what you are doing. How will you feel aborting healthy babies? How will you feel afterwards when the puking has stopped? How will your husband feel? You have to live with that for years. Pregnancy is v temporary. You know the risks now before ttc again. To callously utilise abortion to essentially stop the puking seems an incredibly casual use of a very hard won and tenuous liberty.

I had HG in all three pregnancies. I wouldn't ttc with the thought that I may have an abortion, however with my third I did think very briefly about it as I couldn't take it anymore.

I was sterilised the month after giving birth.

YABU. I had such severe SPD in my second pregnancy that I couldn't walk at all, I was in a wheelchair and on really strong painkillers. I was admitted to hospital, they wanted to give me injections of morphine but I refused because J didn't want my baby born an addict and having to go through a withdrawal when he was born. I still suffer now over 16 years later.

After he was born I was advised not go through with another pregnancy, but I knew if I did get pregnant I couldn't abort a healthy baby, so DH had a vasectomy because we couldn't take the risk.

IMO if you TTC you want the baby, if you abort it because you get HG you will always wonder what if you had waited a few more days.

OP YANBU to consider your options and I utterly sympathize, having had HG during my pregnancy. The HG is one of the reasons I will never TTC again. When I was pregnant I hit rock bottom and was not sure if I could continue. It was an absolute nightmare.

You know you need to think this through very carefully and make the best decision for you and your family. I hope you are ok.

I thought about aborting during each of my 3 pregnancies, I didn't want to, I just wanted the suffering to stop. I didn't abort because by the time it became absolutely unbearable I felt that I'd already gone through too much for the pregnancy not to result in a baby. And I wanted my babies so badly. I knew that I'd carry on trying until I got my babies and I didn't want to have to go through those early months again with a replacement pregnancy. But I did think about it

I had (what I considered to be) very bad relentless nausea with both of my pregnancies, and it was hell. I can't begin to imagine how bad HG must be for someone to abort or consider aborting a much wanted pregnancy.

I wish you all the best, and suggest you read the more reasoned responses on here.

Op - you are in a very tricky spot and you sound like you need support.

I would say, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable to abort a foetus if you get extreme HG. I do not believe you are a vessel to bring babies to term. You are a human being and you are in charge of your own body. Termination of a pregnancy can be carried out for a million and one reasons and HG is no better or worse a reason than any other.

However, I would caution against the thinking that you will just carry on getting pregnancy until you have a pregnancy without HG, as I fear this might not happen and you will end up with a string of terminations and no live delivery, which might be very difficult.

I think you also have to consider how you will handle the consequences of terminating pregnancies when you do actually want a baby. I think it is one thing to terminate an unwanted pregnancy and quite another to terminate when you long for a baby.

And you cannot be sure your fertility is as reliable as you think. You may conceive easily again, but secondary infertility is well known.

I think you should seek medical support off MN.

Good luck.

so you're pro-choice as long as the choices made fit into your moral framework?

If your hands are off her uterus they should also be off her morals.

This. What you think you would do in that situation is one thing, and its perfectly acceptable to say that. To tell someone she's disgusting for having a different moral perspective is not ok (not saying you said that btw).

Most people on here are NOT criticising her morals, but are criticising the wisdom of a course of action that could harm her physical and mental health, not to mention her relationship, as well as the foetus.

OP in my first pregnancy I had HG it had taken five years to conceive. We were in America for the year and I was prescribed Ondanestron for the sickness it worked brilliantly. Second pregnancy in UK they wouldn't prescribe it. I had horrendous 9 months. Third pregnancy I went private and was prescribed prednisolone it was fantastic. Fourth pregnancy I made appointment to see obstetrician before I got pregnant and was assured I would get medication which worked for HG. There are options out there you need to research them!!

I am a bit shocked at the women saying it is immoral and shocking, TBH.

Love to know what the "right" reasons for a termination are according to this "pro-choicers"?

Thanks for all the people worrying about me. I am fine!

This is at the pre drawing board stage. I just wanted to get my ideas clear before I even broached it with DH.

The whole wishing to abort but not doing it because you have already gone through so much was exactly my experience with my first. I am not sure I would feel the same about a second. But you certainly can't tell until you get there.

So I would be taking the risk of having another 8 months of hell if it turned out I couldn't face aborting.

i think in your position OP i would probably really really think hard about whether to ttc again.

i had horrendous sickness through both my pg, and i know its really hard to keep in mind why you are doing it when you just feel so incredibly ill all the time. pregnancy did not agree with me at all - both times i just felt and looked like shit for the entire time.
but
i did it once and realised that to get that little bundle at the end i had to endure it.
and i chose to do it again. had i not thought i had the stomach for it i would not have tried again.
DD was a horrible pregnancy, a night mare baby with allergies and milk intolerance, and now, at 15, a pretty wonderful, lovely, intelligent, compassionate and beautiful human being of whom i am immensely proud.

i would seriously not embark on TTC if you think that abortion is the answer to HG.
how many times would you try?
i think its something you enter into with your eyes wide open with regard to the possibility it could happen again or you dont do it.
im pro choice, but this is playing roulette with your body, your baby. its not worth it.

In my first pregnancy I didn't feel like I had a baby inside until the 50% survival point. Up until then I was growing a collection of cells that had the potential to become a baby.

I still think it comes back to the probabilities. There are people on this thread saying it is immoral to become pregnant unless you know you can make it through the pregnancy. Well in that case every woman is immoral. There are plenty of conditions that require termination and anyone could suffer from them.

If I have a low probability of HG in the future then why is that a worse chance to take than any of the other possible reasons?

vic part of me agrees with everything you say. But if you have a baby over the age of 40 and would terminate for downs you are doing exactly the same thing.

Thanks to the many on the thread pointing out the problem of wondering if you had waited a few more days would the symptoms have gone. I think this is very true.

On the other hand if I felt I could conceive again almost immediately....well it is a case of choosing which of the many children I could have actually gets a chance.

Jeez this is getting weird.

OP as i said earlier in the thread i think if you ttc you need to make allowances in case you have HG again.

Make sure you can afford some things to make it easier on you

Private HG treatment maybe,

extra childcare,

time off work in case you need to be in hospital.

There are things that can be done to help you, and you can also help yourself by preparing for it.

I have had a hard enough time deciding what to do with an unplanned pregnancy that it turned out has a high risk of a terrible genetic condition.

That has been so heart wrenching - I dread to think how awful you would feel if you terminated a wanted and planned child because of a temporary condition that doesn't affect the baby. Hope that makes sense.

i get what you are saying ICBINEG and ultimately the choice is yours, but i would really make sure you discuss everything fully with your doctor first and also your partner or husband. How do they feel about what you propose?

for me, and i speak personally, i have a disabled child. Had i known i doubt it would have changed the outcome. but thats me. and he is wonderful, talented, and meant to be here.

i was 19 when i had him, so not over 40! it was a hidden disability, that said, had it not been, i doubt i would have done differently, however im saying that with the benefit of hindsight of not knowing.

i really arent judging you OP.

but really do make sure you know how you would feel about both options, how many times could you stand to terminate? would you give up eventually if every pg resulted in extreme sickness? what happens if you get sicker at the end than the beginning? (this happened to me with DD)

really you need to be very honest with yourself about it all.

good luck whatever you decide.

Please consider seeing your doctor, and ask what developments have been made in HG management, medication, and patient choices, since your last pregnancy. There may be things that will work better for you next time.

For you, pregnancy might incur HG. If I was in your situation, I would not consider conceiving until I was ready to go through HG again (which I never have so I appreciate I don't know how hellish it is).

So personally, I think YABU, as I think it would be a similar 'dilemma' for someone hoping for a healthy baby but who had a high chance of passing on a genetic condition, say. Imagine someone suggesting conceiving and then aborting foetuses found to be unhealthy until they conceived a 'perfect' child.... morally very dodgy ground.