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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that Chris Huhne's son was very wrong to call him 'autistic'

357 replies

Sallyingforth · 04/02/2013 17:03

He is may be an unpleasant creature but that word should never be used as an insult.
order-order.com/2013/02/04/peter-huhnes-texts-to-lying-father/

OP posts:
anonacfr · 04/02/2013 23:13

Political correctness??????? Unbelievable.
That comment jumped right at me.

I felt utterly sympathetic to the boy until I read it.

Spero · 04/02/2013 23:16

Why does your opinion of his words change because some else talks of political correctness??

SirIronBottom · 05/02/2013 02:22

I think the poster meant that they felt utterly sympathetic to the boy until they read the 'autistic' comment.

I think the reference to 'political correctness??????' was more an objection to the fact that someone had complained about political correctness.

MurderOfGoths · 05/02/2013 02:34

For all those saying how it isn't that bad or it's understandable, replace the word "autism" with any term for a person of a different race, not even a derogatory one. Then see if the phrase still sounds understandable. If not then why do you think it is ok in this situation?

Pagwatch · 05/02/2013 07:37

I feel completely sympathetic towards the boy.
I think he is/enduring dreadful times as his family is ripped apart.
I believe he was writing private texts and lashing out.
I don't blame him in the slightest.

I do think it is deeply depressing that using autistic as an insult seems to be fine with many.
I think this thread, talking out it, is a valid way to express how people feel about that.

I find interesting that so many contributors seem to feel the need to see posts expressing regret that autism = insult as an attack on the boy when I think almost everyone has said that they sympathise with him.

fromparistoberlin · 05/02/2013 07:59

fwiw i have NEVER ever heard anyone using the term "autistic" as an insult

never

and I have heard many insults in my time!!!

so whilst I get why its upsetting, my primary reacton is sadness for that boy

hecate, its horrible that this insult is in the public domain, but I am concerned you are wasting valuable energy and thought on a vile comment made by an emotionally disturbed child

one teenage boys anger does not mean that we are a country of haters, and it does not normalise this

Icedcakeandflower · 05/02/2013 08:06

fromparistoberlin this is not "just one teenage boy" though. This is the point. My teenage dd tells me "autistic" is a commonly used insult amongst other teens Sad

AmberLeaf · 05/02/2013 08:06

I feel sorry for the boy, I think he is going through a horrible time with his family.

How do you suggest not being upset by the acceptance of that as an insult though?

I get that he was angry and that the comment was private. Just dont understand the defending of it.

hackmum · 05/02/2013 08:09

The use of the word "autistic" as an insult was pretty horrible, and as far as I can see singularly inappropriate in this case. The father was far from being autistic - he sounds like an utterly selfish so-and-so.

To be honest, they sound like a pretty ghastly family all round.

WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug · 05/02/2013 08:10

YANBU - it shouldn't be used as an insult. Ever.

However the text messages were private between father and son, and what people speak of amongst themselves is their business. I feel that publishing the texts is an incredible breach of privacy.

fromparistoberlin · 05/02/2013 08:12

icedcake

I never knew that. I genuinely 1000% have never heard this term bandied around

you live and learn eh

Pagwatch · 05/02/2013 08:16

Fromparistoberlin

If you think about it telling Hecate that she Is wasting valuable energy by posting about this is a bit daft.

Hecate is probably eating toast , rounding children in directions in which they are supposed to be headed and pondering this issue at the same time.

I am participating in the discussion. I m not unduly exercised by the process. Nor I suspect is anyone else on here.

It's an online chat. Being fucked off at the casual use of asd as an insult doesn't make anyone fragile or worthy of concern. I will be equally fucked off about double parking in half an hour.

HecateWhoopass · 05/02/2013 08:20

It isn't one incident. It is very common. You're so autistic - to mean you're being an arse or whathaveyou. That's so autistic. same thing.

And diagnosis of autism based on a description of someone being and unfeeling, uncaring arsehole shows that's what some people think autism is!

It's the attitude I and others seek to change. It's the attitude that hurts. It's the idea that autism is this thing that makes people shitty sacks of crap who treat people with contempt. This is just an example of it. It's not an attack on him as an individual, but rather a challenge to a development that appears to be making it the 'in thing' to call autism when you see shitty behaviour.

It must always be challenged. It must be corrected. It's not trivial. And it's not an isolated incident. There is a pattern emerging.

This text has simply prompted a discussion on this issue. It isn't about going after this kid with pitchforks. It's about accepting that this is happening and talking about this issue. It is being used as an insult. Please accept that this is happening. Nobody has any reason to lie about it.

imogengladhart · 05/02/2013 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateWhoopass · 05/02/2013 08:25

heehee. worst x post ever Grin

I was. I started the day by getting the kids up, and going through the normal 2 hour routine to get them out the door. They've just left. My youngest has been doing an earpiercing scream for an hour and my eldest is yelling at me that it's snowing. Like it's my fault Grin

I have had 2 cups of coffee and answered 3 emails about boreholes.

I fed the birds and had a row with my husband about whether tesco is likely to actually deliver or not.

I checked the school website about 13 times to make sure it's still open.

I told the kids to go out to the car and remember to shut the door (their dad takes them to school in the morning). They left it wide open. Of course. Every day 'shut the door' every day door left wide open.

I then ordered their gf stuff from the doctor and replied a text about meeting a friend for coffee.

Then I decided to check in here and fight the good fight Wink

fromparistoberlin · 05/02/2013 08:26

from what I have seen hecate has posted on this thread almost constantly since it started

I have no right whasover to tell people what or not to get bothered about

by time and time again I see people get very upset and het up about issues (on MN) that pertain to the closest thing to their heart, their kids

and to be honest, it makes me sad

If someone is het up about parking. obvously I am not bothered

and I suppose I get upset as MN is kind of a misocosm of society, with some views that I dont tend to see in RL. ever!!!

anyway I am not articulating myself well, and clearly if people see this term bandied around alot, its an issue

but maybe, people are more sensitive to it when it affects them? and sometimes MN is an environment that pours petrol on the flame of their upset?

imogengladhart · 05/02/2013 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/02/2013 08:29

Yes he was wrong to say it.

But he was 18, 18year olds do sometimes say stupid things. Though I get that many 18yos wouldn't dream of saying this. He was you g, he was angry.

I'm sure if he'd been calmer and thought about what he was saying he wouldn't have.

I along with many others used to call people Spaz in the playground in the 70s, 80s. I'm horrified now.

Awomansworth · 05/02/2013 08:32

I've not read the whole thread.

What upsets me is that the comment is from a well educated individual who should know better. At least when it comes from ignorance there is a chance to educate and change mindset.

My ds is mixed race and has Autism, I wonder what he's going to get called from like minded individuals! Being upset is NEVER an excuse for this type of language.

I get that he is hurt... but comments like "he's destroyed," Come on!

Pagwatch · 05/02/2013 08:38
Grin Oh Hec. Can we coordinate posts better fgs.
HecateWhoopass · 05/02/2013 08:38

a few posts between 530 and 6
one at 645
a few between 730 and 8
a few between about 9 and 10
back here again at 20 past 8.
If you put that in the context of my mumsnet addiction, you'd see that it's actually nothing unusual. Ask anyone.

Yeah, it's a subject that's important to me. If you had 2 children with autism who will never have an independent life, never hold down a job beyond perhaps, possibly, collecting trolleys in a supermarket and then only if they have a support worker there with them, children who will probably never marry or have children, or buy a house, or drive a car, or wake up one morning and think it's a nice day, think I'll go to the coast for the weekend and just go, if you had a 13 year old who still soiled himself and who asked you if he killed himself, would he be normal in heaven - it'd be important to you too. I don't want autism to be the nt kids cool word for selfish arse. Same as I don't want to hear mong or spaz or retard. I want them to know exactly what it is they are saying when they say those words. To think about the meaning of them and then they make an informed choice. If they choose to use them, knowing full well what they mean and what it is they are saying, then I think it is justified in bringing my boot down on their arse.

PeneloPeePitstop · 05/02/2013 08:39

Oh fantastic. So nice to know that if you're upset or young then it's perfectly fine to deride someone based on their race, sexuality or gender.

I look forward to being sexist as hell on here next time someone upsets me.

No? Sorry what did you say? Those things aren't acceptable whatever the circumstances?

Well then neither is casual disablism.

HecateWhoopass · 05/02/2013 08:40

Grin pag. yes. conflab before posting, I think.

Xenia · 05/02/2013 08:57

It was comment in a text message for goodness sake and may be Huhne does indeed have traces of that. Those who live with him will know that. He road roughshod over his family's feelings, chose to damage his relationships with his children for life because of lust for the lesbian in the civil partnership.You have to be pretty bad at human relationships to get into that position instead of working on your marriage and if it fails leaving and only then seeking someone new.

HecateWhoopass · 05/02/2013 08:59

It's a wider discussion about the use of autism as an insult, for heaven's sake.