Private schools - want to shout IT'S NOT FAIR!

[Yermina]

Went to PIL last night and heard all about sil's children's school. One of her boys is already attending a fantastic private school. Just found out his two brothers have also got places at very good private schools.

In the mean time my dc's are in classes of 31 at the local state school. My youngest needs additional support (sn) but isn't statemented (diagnosed but no statement) so doesn't get it. SIL's middle child has got into a mainstream private school that has outstanding support for children with dyslexia, which he's been diagnosed with. And will be in classes of 18.

Our middle ds is musically talented but there is really poor provision for music teaching at his state school and very few children there are learning an instrument. We struggle to pay for music lessons for him outside school.

Is it wrong of me to feel eaten up with jealousy and anger at the unfairness of a school system which privileges the children of well-off people so openly and seemingly without anyone else seeing it as something that's wrong or deeply, deeply unfair?

How would you explain to a group of children: you lot over here will have XXXX spent on your education, and lots of opportunity to develop your talents, and you lot over there will have about half as much spent on you, and will have much less attention from the teacher because there'll be twice as many of you in the class. Oh, and you kids with sn or specific gifts - unless your parents have money, you probably won't get the help you need to thrive educationally.

I know it's the way the world is but at the moment I feel bitter about it. Really really bitter. And jealous

Every time I go to my PIL's and have to hear about all the amazing thing SIL's dcs are doing at their school, their academic achievements, I want to go home and hide under the duvet and cry.

We'll never, ever be able to afford private education. We'll never be able to afford to move to an area with really good state schools. We'll never be able to get our children into church schools as we're not church goers, and our local grammar schools (2) are bursting at the seams with children from the local private prep schools, who bus their students in to take the 11+ en mass.

It's just so fucking unfair. It really is. I just want to get that off my chest.

That is all.

Ok, not sure if this has been said yet but here we go.

I don't mind that there are many people better off in life than me, nor that money can buy a private education. I was offered hugely discounted private education at a fantastic day and boarding school, for all 3 of our dc, but refused.
It isn't right for everybody and it may seem unfair to some that others can afford this, but thats life. No its not necessarily about hard work but money speaks volumes in life. Some people are motivated by huge amounts of money and others aren't, we are all different. Why are people so intent on wanting things that are beyond their means? its madness.
I know the state education system isn't very good at times but it is a public service, its meant to be basic as is the NHS. Its just the way it is unfortunately. Personally I just about trust my local authority to empty my bins. If people have money and can afford a private education, good for them it is no use complaining it isn't fair because you can't afford to.

I think the point about "hard work", OLFT is the claim, often made, that "I got where I am by hard work, not anything else". It's the by-passing luck, being in the right place at the right time, being white/black, a man, woman.

I never assume because someone is well-paid that they work hard, nor that they don't.

I agree, echt. It's the underlying assumption that other people aren't as rich because they just aren't working hard enough. As though capitalism worked like that in the slightest.

tough- you can perhaps be an RMO in a private hospital perhaps but that doesn't get paid well and I don't know of anyone who has done that for more than 6 months and then only to top up their NHS income (I know a lot of doctors). Seriously, I v much doubt that you know many doctors who have solely worked in the private sector because I don't know a single one.

If you want to talk about paying back costs of education, why stick to teachers or doctors or nurses? Why not anyone who had a degree funded and doesn't use it/ becomes a SAHM or whatever.

Wallison, pray tell, which sectors/professions/companies/etc, would pay 'a lot of money' to, obviously, herds of people, who don't do their jobs well?

''(ie earned a lot of money, which doesn't necessarily involve doing a job well)

echt - why should I pay full stop?

Is it not bad enough that my salary is taxed at the top most bracket and the services I am paying for I don't use?

Why should I pay? Why can't I roll around in the money I have earnt, why should I give away my money to people who cant be arse and have no desire to do well?

Well as you're either a man or a woman, I'm not sure what that has to do with it. As for luck, well I didn't feel super lucky having my father die when I was a child or watching my mother struggle to raise three children alone, but hey uk sure there was some luck along the way. Just felt like hard work most of the time

'Why can't I roll around in the money I have earnt, why should I give away my money to people who cant be arse and have no desire to do well?'

I'm assuming that you mean people on benefits? Do you have to turn this into a benefit bashing thread?

^ Wallison, pray tell, which sectors/professions/companies/etc, would pay 'a lot of money' to, obviously, herds of people, who don't do their jobs well?

I don't know, because I've never said that people who earn a lot of money don't do their jobs well. You'd be better off addressing the question to TOLFT, as she seems to think that there are a lot of people who don't work hard.

I have consistently said that everyone works hard, regardless of what they earn.

A colleague whose daughter has dyslexia paid to get her diagnosed as such by the National Dyslexia Society (I think that's the name of the national organisation). It cost about £300 but she said it was worth every penny. She took the diagnosis into school and her child was given masses of support and concessions in the classroom. Without this, she would have struggled with just about every aspect of her learning. Of course it depends on the school as to whether they are willing to make these concessions, but in the end, they will want your child to do their best and if they can make changes to ensure that happens, they should be happy to.

^ If you want to talk about paying back costs of education, why stick to teachers or doctors or nurses?

Because the people on here who are saying that they put more into the system are patting themselves on the back for not using state education or healthcare. While blithely ignoring the fact that the private sector education and healthcare systems they use wouldn't exist if were it not for the state education system that trains the people who work in it.

Spam.

You can do well in life and be very successful in life without earning any money. It depends on how you choose to define success and doing well.
There are people in life who have been dealt a rough deal and through no fault of their own require help and assistance, thats why you should give away some of your money. Its called compassion.

I'm afraid there are plenty of people who don't work hard and you must be joking if you think otherwise. I worked in the corporate environment for years, and managed a large team and there were always people who slacked off, took sickies, let others take the strain. It's human nature, which of course is a concept champagne socialist find inconvenient as they prefer to live in some utopia where everyone is equal and equally deserving

What are these jobs that are incredibly well paid - enough for multiple children at private school - but don't require incredibly long/pressured hours or years of specialised study? With the exception of people with unusual artistic, creative or sporting talents (or perhaps non exec directors who have normally had other high level jobs beforehand) I am struggling to think of many examples. Perhaps I might go for a career change...

tough- obviously I don't know whether or not you are married to one but I do know that I am a doctor who is married to a doctor who has studied and worked with 100s of doctors over the years and, as I said, I don't know a single one who works or has worked solely in the private sector since graduation. I therefore think that I have plenty of experience on which to base an opinion. You may or may not have but it doesn't appear to me that you have, I'm afraid.

It's not really fair of you to accuse me of trying to derail the thread when I was simply responding to your remark which was fairly irrelevant to the discussion.

My child attended said private school and I got to know the mothers in her year group enough to know whether or not they worked or were SAHMs.

Wallison - do you actually work? Do you employ people or work alongside people? I find it odd that you have this assumption that everyone works hard? Yes people work their hours and yes that can sometimes be hard but I have only met a handful of people in my life that truly get what it is that makes you a leader/high earner.

Pray tell your industry and the type of people you are working with.

Really, are you being deliberately provocative? I managed those sort of people with the help of HR, usually out the door, because I'll be damned if the genuinely hard working team members should pick up the slack

Morethan - I probably have more compassion that you could shake a stick at but you will never know that -how much "compassion" have you had this year?