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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you get better when both you and your baby are unwell?

27 replies

Kveta · 03/02/2013 09:32

i have been told by gp that i have flu - temp over 39 for 5 days now, aches, cough, keep nearly or really passing out.

dd 7 months has a viral ear infection, temp over 40 (calpol brings it down though), not happy, keeps screaming and or feeding.

for the past 5 nights, she has been nursing all night, with the odd hour of sleep

i am not getting any better, need more sleep, very dehydrated no matter what u drink. gp said to rest and wait it out.

but dh can't take more time off this week, and i have boisterous 3yo too who needs to go to preschool.

how the hell am i meant to recover as obviously kids take priority?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kveta · 03/02/2013 09:34

i know there will be those saying 'not flu if typing' or 'i hiked up ben nevis with flu because my child needed me to, you malingerer' but it has been diagnosed, and walking up stairs renders me dizzy for 30 minuts or so.

OP posts:
megandraper · 03/02/2013 09:34

Poor you, I sympathise. Is there any friend or family member who could come over in the daytime and give you a break?

It will pass, and you will get better, if you keep muddling through. I know it feels awful.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 03/02/2013 09:35

Is there anyone else who can drop off/pick up? Do they need to go?

Original poster
Kveta · 03/02/2013 09:37

no family nearby, and he is new to pre school, so don't know other mums yet. he could stay off but will be a nightmare at home if i am bedridden.

muddling on it is i guess

OP posts:
greenpostit · 03/02/2013 09:39

If you have proper flu, you have to accept that you will not be able to take your 3yo to preschool. If you have nobody to help you, you will have to put the TV on all day for 3yo whilst you rest on the sofa in the same room. Try to underline to 3yo that mummy is ill and tell him/her to pretend to be a nurse and look after you and be on his/her best behaviour. Playpen for 7mo would be the best option under these circs if you have one.

Your baby can also take nurofen I believe.

It is just a question of a sit in for a few days until you are better.

HellonHeels · 03/02/2013 09:40

why can't your DH help?

OhYouBadBadKitten · 03/02/2013 09:40

I think your dh should be helping find someone who can look after the children for a couple of days at least if he really can't take time off. You can't actually look after them safely while you are passing out.

I hope you feel better soon.

HollyBerryBush · 03/02/2013 09:41

I wouldnt be sending the 3yo to preschool for a start.

And you just get on with it. Parents have to. Thats the bones of the matter

Gatorade · 03/02/2013 09:42

If you really can't cope I'd through money at the problem, hire a mothers help or babysitter to help you care for the 7 month old and drop off your toddler.

I hope you feel better soon, it's tough.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 03/02/2013 09:42

Can your DH nip out of work to do the school drop off/pick up?

If not, get your DH to prepare sandwiches, drinks and snacks for the day for you and DC before he goes to work. Lunch can be a picnic on the rug in front of the telly.

Get yourself on the couch with a duvet, stick CBBC on the TV, have a pile of kids books and DVD's to hand, colouring books and crayons, little bits that he can play with by himself. Can you see the garden from your living room? Let him play outside for 10 minutes or so every few hours to get a bit of fresh air and keep an eye on him.

Good luck - it's really awful being ill and having to plod on with young children when you've no friends or family nearby.

josiejay · 03/02/2013 09:42

Can your dh change his work patterns a little bit so he can at least do preschool drop off maybe? Or can he finish a bit earlier by moving things around? Even if he can't then at least make sure you get to bed as soon as he gets home and let him take over for a bit (assuming he isn't ill too).

I know kids take priority but you need to better in order to care for them properly which means resting as much as possible (easier said than done i know).

Are there any friends and family around who could take the 3 year old for a bit while you and baby rest? People are willing to do a lot more than you might think, if you're willing to ask.

I hope you and DD are better soon, sounds like a horrible few days.

fatlazymummy · 03/02/2013 09:43

I used to be in this position, as a single parent. I used to lay on the settee, put Dvds on for your toddler, take paracetamol, do the minimum possible. Your body will recover, even though you feel like crap right now.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 03/02/2013 09:45

I would set up camp in your room. Snacks, tv, and just keep everyone safe. Dh can take over as soon as he comes in. It won't be forever but it will feel like it

Sokmonsta · 03/02/2013 09:46

Speak to your hv and see if you can have a Homestart volunteer, even temporarily, if one is available immediately in your area. Otherwise you'll be better before they start!

josiejay · 03/02/2013 09:47

Sorry just realised your family are not nearby, but maybe someone would be willing to travel and stay with you for a couple of days depending how far away they are.

McNewPants2013 · 03/02/2013 09:50

When I am ill and DH has to go into work, he makes some sandwiches for the DC dinner, I have a lock on the kitchen door ( only locked at night normally) so that gets locked and me and the DC lay down and watch tv all day or they can play with toys ect.

Tailtwister · 03/02/2013 09:50

You poor thing OP, I know exactly what you're going through. It's one of those things nobody tells you about before you have children.

Firstly, your DH needs to find some way of helping. Is he able to take your 3yo to pre-school?

Secondly, is there anyone who could collect or return your 3yo? Get into contact with the staff, sometimes there's someone who wouldn't mind making a few extra pennies and helping you out. I know you don't feel you know any of the other mums well enough to ask for help. However, I would say that it's worth putting out a distress call just in case. I know I would be more than happy to help in the same situation, regardless of how well I knew the person.

The other option is no pre-school, but wall to wall CBeebies.

As for the 7 mo, there's not really much you can do, especially if you're nursing. I remember being ill and feeling like I was having the life sucked out of me when DS1 had it too. They just take what they want/need, regardless.

Get your DH to stock up with anything and everything you can think of needing so you don't have to go out. Don't do anything you don't have to, leave washing up etc for your DH when he comes home. If you're so ill you can't care for the children properly then your DH will have to come home from work, there's no way around it.

Finally, you will take longer to get better. Be as kind to yourself as you can. I hope you get better soon.

Original poster
Kveta · 03/02/2013 10:05

Dh is working from home tomorrow now, so might be able to do preschool run thank god.

Online ship arrives this eve, so should be ok for food even if It's baked potatoes every night

No friends can help as all work, the one who doesn't is 40+4 so can't expose her to this.

Family won't help.

Thanks we will just struggle on through,

OP posts:
DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 03/02/2013 10:10

Maybe try posting on the local board on here? Where about are you?

I'd certainly lend a hand to someone in your situation, even if they were a stranger.

duffmiver · 03/02/2013 13:26

I had this over the new year and could literally not stand up. As you are unable to function it is not your responsibility to arrange care for the children it is your OH's. The flu is shocking and anyone who has had the real flu will tell you this instead of telling you that as a parent you will manage.

sparkle12mar08 · 03/02/2013 14:33

Your dh will simply have to take a couple of days unpaid parental leave basically. It may make things tough next pay check, but you can't function like this, that's the point.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2013 15:18

DH will have to step up. Also, I find TV is a great help. DD doesn't have TV in the day unless everyone is sick. If we are all sick it is a TV fest. Means I can lie on the sofa and she is happy.

I find it really difficult to keep hydrated because DD's needs always come first. Get a big refillable water cup and keep refilling it. You need to hydrate.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 03/02/2013 15:26

Oh you poor thing. Being ill with kids sucks. I would do whatever you can to get the 3yo to preschool (so long as they're not ill too) - taxi there and back?

Otherwise, sofa, duvet, DVDs.

Get well soon.

attheendoftheday · 03/02/2013 16:01

It's very tough. Normally I'd say you have to muddle through when ill (totally agree with cbeebies and not bothering with preschool) but flu is serious (hate it when people call a heavy cold flu).

I would question whether your dh can't take more time off. He has a legal right to unpaid parental leave, and if he was a single parent he'd have to take it.

CailinDana · 03/02/2013 16:49

Your DH "can't" take any more time off work? Even though effectively there's no one around to look after his children? You absolutely can't do it, you're not well enough, therefore he either has to sort someone else to do it or do it himself. His job does not come before your health and the safety of your children.