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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex driving the kids about without passing a test...

84 replies

monstermissy · 03/02/2013 08:48

Just a quick poll really please, exp has never passed a driving test he had some lessons around 8 years ago but none since. His gf bought a car and so he drives it with her in the passenger seat and i assume they have L plates but dont know. The kids say not. Now ive asked him to please not drive the kids about untill he has passed his test. I dont think iabu?

He has driven them every week unknown to me even in the snow the other week. My concern is hes not actually having lessons to go with this driving hes doing. He is coming to pick them up in a couple of hours and i want to bring it up but i know he will cut me dead etc (he is a EA twat if that makes a different with a massive god complex)

OP posts:

pigletmania · 03/02/2013 10:04

YANBU even tough its legal I would not be happy with it until he's past his test. I don't think learners should carry chidren imho

Smellslikecatspee · 03/02/2013 10:05

Personally I wouldn't bring it up at all, just check for L plates when he comes and if there are none call the police :)

But then I can be. Bit PA too.

edam · 03/02/2013 10:09

fastidia. Of course it's the OPs ruddy business! Her ex may be a incredibly responsible learner who puts his children's welfare first. Or he may be an arrogant sod who thinks he's a great driver and doesn't need to bother about little things like insurance and licences.

I'd want to know, does he have L plates? Does he have proper insurance? Has he passed his theory test? (Not even bothering to take it could be a sign of arrogant entitlement i.e. a danger on the roads.)

ohfunnyhoneyface · 03/02/2013 10:10

I would be sceptical that he has insurance and an in date licence. I would call the non-em police, explain the situation, tell them what time he's coming to yours and let them stop him and check his licence etc

They'll appreciate the tip off and I bet he isn't displaying L plates.

tiggytape · 03/02/2013 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKissIsNotAContract · 03/02/2013 10:12

I also find it a bit odd that his GF bought the car but lets him drive it. My DP is a good driver but I still wouldn't want him driving my car because it's mine.

CSIJanner · 03/02/2013 10:16

What Tiggytape said. plus cars eats. If in doubt, call 101 and report. If there's no problem with insurance, full license driver over 21 with 3years sitting next to him, l-plates, provisional license and car seats, then you have to leave your objections aside. If there is, then he and she will get done.

VitoCorleone · 03/02/2013 10:18

Just to add, i wasnt on my DPs insurance either, both the car and insurance where/are in my name only.

But yes age can be a factor, im 26.

Original poster

monstermissy · 03/02/2013 10:20

There's alot I think should be flagging up for the gf that dosent seem to be but that's her problem I guess.

I will go out and look for L plates, we don't live on the road so I've never seen the car. If there are L plates and he says he's insured then I have to accept I can't make a fuss about it. Still not happy about it. I wonder if he's told her he hasn't got a full licence? He told me millions lies.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 03/02/2013 10:23

I think that's the whole point monster. You know him, how his mind works, and what he is capable of lying about. You don't trust him is the bottom line and I am guessing the driving thing is one of a million other things.

It sounds like a horrible, difficult situation.

ChocHobNob · 03/02/2013 10:27

YABU in the respect that as long as he is driving legally (GF present, all insurances up to date, licences up to date, L plates displayed, car seats used) there is nothing you can do about it. You can of course express your unease at him driving them while on a provisional but as he is within the law, he has no obligation to stop driving them.

There has also been a lot of speculation on this thread, a provisional driver does not always add loads to insurance, it made no difference to ours. My H bought a car and has absolutely no problem with me driving it as a learner driver because it's classed as "our family car".

KobayashiMaru · 03/02/2013 10:32

I drove around for 4 or 5 years before I passed a test, without having lessons and with my children in the car. They were no more at risk than in anyone elses car.

NumericalMum · 03/02/2013 10:54

I think it also matters how far he is driving. If it is a 5 minute drive with no motorways etc then I think OP is being Unreasonable. If it is 30 minutes with motorways etc then it is a different story. I know accidents happen anywhere but really I would hope however much of a wanker he is he wouldn't deliberately put his kids in danger if he is going to the trouble of seeing them.

As for not driving with kids in the car when you are a learner. How on earth is a parent supposed to learn then? Leave the kids at home alone?

Original poster

monstermissy · 03/02/2013 11:09

He has L plates so I'm going to have to suck it up. My eldest has been driven by him this morning and has just been telling me his driving is pretty shit and he yells alot at other drivers... Of course knowing him as I do its a worry but I accept I can't stop him. Really good to be able to gage others opinions tho. I think because I know him I lose sight of what us normal and what isn't.

OP posts:

Original poster

monstermissy · 03/02/2013 11:11

The little two are driven locally but my eldest has just been driven over 150 odd miles.

OP posts:

frustratedashell · 03/02/2013 11:19

Do the children feel safe in the car, or are they too young to know?

12ylnon · 03/02/2013 11:25

Oook, I think you are being a little unreasonable.
I'm a learner driver and I drive with my DS in the back. My dp is always in the car when I drive, we have l plates and we have all of the correct insurance (we got a very good deal, so it wasn't too expensive).
I'm a good driver, and only very occasionally make mistakes (stalling is my big one, we have a very stiff gear box and it throws me).
I wouldn't dream of driving if I truly thought I'd be putting ds or dp in significant danger. We drive on a few main roads and only usually on routes that both me and dp know.
I haven't taken a test yet, or had many lessons because they are so expensive. This is a good, practicle way of me learning in the meantime. I think having ds in the back is actually good for me. I will have to drive with him in there after I've passed, so I may as well start now.
My ds is 7 and probably wouldnt notice if the car had l plates or not. I think you should find out if he has insurance, but I also think you should trust what he says as what he's doing is perfectly legal.

Original poster

monstermissy · 03/02/2013 11:41

I've trusted that he wouldn't drive them as he told me when I first mentioned it it was fine and not to worry no problem. He's the least trustworthy person I know for a whole variety of reasons.

However like I've said I can't do anything about it so will have to suck it up. My teenager thinks his driving is crap but he dosent seem too bothered I suppose, the little one is too little and the middle one just desperatly wants his dad to be his hero that 'dads awesome' is all I get (which would be wonderful if dad actually was awesome) even when I had to pick them up from his cause he had got so pissed he'd passed out in the middle of his living room floor.

Ive had to fight for them to see him regularly as they do want to. I just want them to be safe with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

monstermissy · 03/02/2013 11:43

He lies about stupid stuff like saying they have had lunch when they haven't. Or they have done stuff they didnt. I'll never trust him I'm afraid.

OP posts:

FlorriesDragons · 03/02/2013 11:58

I drove my children and DH in my car while I was learning. Admittedly I had L plates but it certainly isn't illegal.

ElliesWellies · 03/02/2013 11:59

Has he taken them on the motorway then? Or your eldest at least? Because someone correct me if I'm wrong, but learners aren't allowed to drive on motorways.

FlorriesDragons · 03/02/2013 11:59

Oh dear, sounds like there are a few more issues than the driving here.

Sparklingbrook · 03/02/2013 12:00

I believe that to be the case Ellies.

ElliesWellies · 03/02/2013 12:01

Which would mean he would not have been displaying L-Plates on motorway as any police would pull him over...

StickEmUp · 03/02/2013 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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