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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex driving the kids about without passing a test...

84 replies

monstermissy · 03/02/2013 08:48

Just a quick poll really please, exp has never passed a driving test he had some lessons around 8 years ago but none since. His gf bought a car and so he drives it with her in the passenger seat and i assume they have L plates but dont know. The kids say not. Now ive asked him to please not drive the kids about untill he has passed his test. I dont think iabu?

He has driven them every week unknown to me even in the snow the other week. My concern is hes not actually having lessons to go with this driving hes doing. He is coming to pick them up in a couple of hours and i want to bring it up but i know he will cut me dead etc (he is a EA twat if that makes a different with a massive god complex)

OP posts:
FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 03/02/2013 09:10

If he hasn't bothered to take a test then he's also quite likely not be insured properly.

Sparklingbrook · 03/02/2013 09:11

Do provisional licences lapse?

AKissIsNotAContract · 03/02/2013 09:12

'surely this man would not put his children in the car if he wasn't completely confident that they would be safe?'

Do you really believe that no parent ever does things that are a risk to their children's safety?

SilveryMoon · 03/02/2013 09:15

AKiss No, I don't believe that no parent does, but most.....
you'd assess the risks of your actions and take the safest course of action wouldn't you?
It's safer for my dp to drive the car, but because he has 20 years experience of driving, that will probably always be the case, but they are not unsafe when I drive (routes and roads that I know), I just kind of think giving this dad the benefit of the doubt, that he wouldn't do it if he couldn't

gobbledegook1 · 03/02/2013 09:15

Provided his provisional is in date and he is insured on the car as a learner driver and displays 'L' plates and she passed her test more than 2 years ago then it is entirely legal. I drove with kids in the car as a learner.

Sparklingbrook · 03/02/2013 09:18

monster has already said he is a twat with a god complex which I think does put a different slant on things judgement wise IMO.

QuietNinjaTardis · 03/02/2013 09:20

On one of these road wars type programmes a provisional driver was driving a car with a passenger who was supervising. She had no L plates. Her car was seized as it is illegal for a learner to drive without L plates. Check his car when he comes to pick them up. If there are no l plates then its illegal and you can tell him to come back for the kids when he has them. When he's gone call the police and report him. If they stop him They'll also check whether he has insurance etc. if he's got them and the girlfriend is in the car then there isn't much you can do I don't think.

Original poster
monstermissy · 03/02/2013 09:20

Well whenever he has our children with him then yes i do think its my business. Its my business what my children are doing. i have to ensure they are safe and what hes doing is within the law. What he does once hes dropped them home i couldnt give a shit.

Also its the lies isnt it, why tell me she does the driving with them about when its just not happening. It so tiresome to be lied to about every single thing. although i should be used to it by now.

OP posts:
SCOTCHandWRY · 03/02/2013 09:21

Is your ex insured to drive the car? Provisional driver insurance is very expensive these days. For my DS its £90 a month to have them added to the insurance as a top up to my insurance.

Sparklingbrook · 03/02/2013 09:23

If your DC had a friend whose Dad was learning to drive, and they came to pick your child up and the dad was driving with L Plates on and the Mum in the passenger seat would you be entirely happy letting your DC in the car with them? Just putting the question out there. I don't think I would be, rightly or wrongly.

Original poster
monstermissy · 03/02/2013 09:23

I really have no idea if hes insured of course he will say yes if i ask him.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 03/02/2013 09:37

To drive on her insurance as a learner would need a special arrangement and extra payment. If he is EA like you say he's probably told her not to bother. And if he gets caught by a speed camera or in an accident he will say she was driving. That's not your business of course but if he's behaving irresponsibly with your children in his charge that most certainly is.
If you know where he's living, a quiet word on the 101 line might be in order.

VitoCorleone · 03/02/2013 09:41

Its actually not that expensive to get insured as a provisional license holder, my insurance was £30 a month before i passed my test, its not as much because you have somebody qualified to drive in with you.

VitoCorleone · 03/02/2013 09:43

And i only passed my test last week, so when i say it was cheap when i was learning i dont mean years ago.

SCOTCHandWRY · 03/02/2013 09:45

Age dependent I think- and also depends on the insurer of the qualified driver.

Binkyridesagain · 03/02/2013 09:46

I'm on DHs insurance because it makes it cheaper, even though I'm a learner, why I don't know, seems stupid to me.

As to the OP, if he his not displaying L plates or has no seats for the DCs (if required) then you have grounds for saying no, insurances and license status are his business and can be lied about if you ask him about them.

BacardiNCoke · 03/02/2013 09:48

Like SilveryMoon I'm also a learner driver and I drive with kids (and DH of course) in the car, quite a lot of the time TBH. But I've been a learner drive on and off for the best part of 10 years. Blush I could probably pass my practical test no problem if I ever managed to get that bloody stage! (Keep failing the theory, I just freeze and my mind goes completely blank Confused).

So I can see why you're concerned but it does depend on his level of experience. And if he has the L plates on he is within the law so there's not much you can do.

BacardiNCoke · 03/02/2013 09:50

Sparklingbrook I had to renew the photo on my provisional last year as I'd had it for 10 years. Blush Mine expires in 2044.

10storeylovesong · 03/02/2013 09:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Sparklingbrook · 03/02/2013 09:52

Oh right, thanks Bacardi. So the photo needs renewing but not the licence. Interesting.

SCOTCHandWRY · 03/02/2013 09:54

Binky, it is very much the op
business! A learner driver is exactly that - a learner, inexperienced in vehicle handling and therefore I wouldn't be happy with this situation.

The insurance issue is also the op business as in the event of an accident, she may be left unable to claim for injury to her children - uninsured drivers are EVERYBODY'S business.

AThingInYourLife · 03/02/2013 09:58

You don't get to tell him that he can't drive his children around until he has passed his test.

Whether he has passed his test is not your business.

You can make a fuss about L plates, but that's it.

FastidiaBlueberry · 03/02/2013 10:01

I love the way people are so eager to tell women that their children's welfare is none of their business.

If her kids are seriously injured in a car crash and this man is not insured properly, I bet it won't be him who will be doing the 24 hour care.

I'd report him for not driving with L plates. This may then trigger an investigation into his insurance.

MammaTJ · 03/02/2013 10:02

When I got added to my DPs insurance, it didn't cost any extra.

FryOneFatManic · 03/02/2013 10:03

When I was learning to drive 20 odd years ago, my instructor told me he'd reported a bloke to the police. This bloke had had a few lessons, thought he knew it all and didn't bother with any more, or bother taking a test, which was easier back then. The instructor had been seeing him drive around, and no L plates, no-one in the car, etc the chap was just arrogant enough to think it didn't apply to him. The chap got caught and dealt with.

But I also remember a case where a chap kept driving while banned, time and again, driving illegally and dangerously and even spells in prison didn't sure him. So not everyone will stick to what is legal.