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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having your parents over on mothers' day isn't abnormal?

29 replies

breatheslowly · 02/02/2013 12:32

DH thinks that a card is normal, but that having lunch together isn't normal. He is concerned that I might be setting a precedent of getting together for tiny events which will take up the rest of his life.

OP posts:
ScarletLady02 · 02/02/2013 12:34

I wouldn't say it's abnormal. We don't get to do something special every year but I'll make the effort to go and see Mum, even if it's just for a quick spot of lunch. On year we went to visit my Nan. She knew my Mum was coming, then me and my sister hid round the corner and knocked on the door 10 minutes later with armfuls of pizza and wine Grin We did face-masks and watched trashy movies.

It was lovely.

sleepyhead · 02/02/2013 12:39

Whatever you want to do is normal.

Last year I took my mum & gran out for afternoon tea. The year before I can't remember what I did - probably sent a card and a wee present to my mum but didn't see her.

Different families have different traditions (or none) and put different amounts of emphasis on Mothers Day. My mum never really bothered with it above a card, and I'm not bothered either so we just do something nice, or nothing depending on what else is going on at the time.

LindyHemming · 02/02/2013 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandemoniaa · 02/02/2013 12:52

He is concerned that I might be setting a precedent of getting together for tiny events which will take up the rest of his life.

Perhaps he should have become a hermit? Only while there's no need to embrace the ludicrously mercenary culture that encourages people to make a huge event out of nearly every day in the calendar, lunch on Mother's Day is hardly excessive. Or indeed likely to "take up the rest of his life".

We laugh in the face of nonsensical non-celebrations in our family but equally, being invited over to lunch with ds2 and my ddil and dgd on Mother's Dat (along with ddil's dm) makes for an enjoyable family event.

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 12:57

whatever you want to do is normal if you want to have lunch with your mum or mil then that is fine maybe your H can't be bothered to get into all that every year but it isn't weird or anything

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 02/02/2013 12:59

Sounds like he doesn't value Mothers much Sad

2rebecca · 02/02/2013 13:00

Doing it once doesn't have to be a precedent, but when I was young we didn't visit grandparents and mothers day was about us spoiiling our mum, and I think mothers who are still doing mothering come first here so he's maybe concerned about you cooking on what should be a special day for you.
I've rarely visited parents or inlaws on mothers day sice having kids myself.

HeathRobinson · 02/02/2013 13:04

Perhaps he/the kids want to spoil you. You are doing the active mothering. If you have your parents over on MD, when's it your turn?

I did 26 odd years of doing something for my mother on MD. Now it's my turn. I don't see that as selfish, I expect to step back when my dcs have kids too.

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 13:06

Perhaps he/the kids want to spoil you. You are doing the active mothering. If you have your parents over on MD, when's it your turn?

maybe it is that I dont do anything with my mum on MD apart from visit and give her flowers then so my own thing,

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/02/2013 13:13

Out of interest is there anything he likes to do which could arguably be seen as 'setting a precedent'? going to the gym a couple of times a week? Watching football matches? A night out with colleagues every now and then? Smile

badguider · 02/02/2013 13:17

It's quite normal but it can be kind of tricky as everybody had a mum, so if you have your parents over, what about his mum? or if your parents and pils come to you are their mum's alive? what about them?

Our family mostly sticks to cards and flowers because otherwise it would be impossible to choose whether to go to dh's mum's or my mum's and dh's mum wants to go to her mum's etc. etc.

Pandemoniaa · 02/02/2013 13:31

I don't see the need to make Mother's Day the sort of emotional fiasco that Christmas can be in some families but equally, I don't see why the OP's DH is so concerned about it "taking over his life". In the greater scheme of things, going to lunch with family on one day of the year is a very minor commitment.

Waitingforastartofall · 02/02/2013 13:37

I would always go to my Mums on mothers day, this year I will be going to the cemetery. dp will be working I just want to spend the day with ds with minimal fuss and reminders that its mothers day Sad. sorry for sad post you should do exactly what you feel is right.

Waitingforastartofall · 02/02/2013 13:48

I wasn't posting to be woe is me by the way. more to say to do whatever suits you best. a family meal is generally a nice thing but then ours are quite low key. I shall spend the day eating chocGrin

SkinnybitchWannabe · 02/02/2013 15:02

Its not abnormal.
I have my whole family..obviously including my mum..over for lunch on mothers day and I do the same for my dad in fathers day.
We do the same on birthdays and also just for the hell of it random days.

Original poster
breatheslowly · 02/02/2013 21:35

Thanks for all of your responses. I a fairly confident that he isn't saving mothers' day for me, he thinks the whole idea is a bit overdone. He isn't protecting me from doing the cooking as he does most of that and seems to enjoy it. He just gets really precious about his weekend days getting booked up, but I get bored if they aren't.

OP posts:
Smellslikecatspee · 02/02/2013 21:54

Oh fuck, when's Mothers Day?

HollyBerryBush · 02/02/2013 21:55

March sometime. Dunno when! Its round about the time my own mother died.

PickledInAPearTree · 02/02/2013 22:03

10th this year.

tass1960 · 02/02/2013 22:31

I hate Mothers Day - my mum died on Mother's Day 2009 and while it's not the same date every year it's still shit !!! My own boys are great but I would rather forget it (except for the trip to the cemetery).

EuroShagmore · 02/02/2013 22:39

We've had my parents over for Mother's Day lunch before. It doesn't happen every year!

2rebecca · 02/02/2013 23:45

If you want to socialise and he doesn't then you could go out without him. I'm not precious about mothers day and have done sporting events/ other stuff without my husband. You don't have to do everything together.
I don't like to spend weekends visiting and being visited and enjoy weekends when nothing is planned, but my weeks are currently busy.

Glittertwins · 03/02/2013 06:36

It's March 10th this year. DH will be away and my parents will be here. I don't think there was any planning on the 3 things colliding on dates.

nagynolonger · 03/02/2013 08:22

Me and DH always stuck to the card, a bunch of flowers for our own mums when they were alive. We often visited with the DC on the Saturday so that both grandmas got to see the DC. I can't remember every doing anything special on the Sunday once I had my own DC. We never did the whole family get togethers with GP and GRT GP. We had big family parties at other times but if you get together with one side on Mothering Sunday it does mean the other side is left out.
I know some families do it one year with her family and then a year with his (and the same for Christmas), but I don't think thats's a great idea because it should be about a couple and their own young family as well.

When ours were younger we always did the breakfast in bed and flowers and home made cards. We always went to the Mothering Sunday service at church and the DC gave out flowers to all the mothers, grandmas, aunties. When we got back DH would make lunch and as they got bigger all the DC would help out. Now mine are older I don't always see them all. I don't expect them all to come home but it's great when they do!

I'm not sure if I will see DS1, DDil, and GC on the Sunday this year. I will have my teenagers at home. They will buy chocs and hover when they are opened I expect.

My own mum and grandma both died on mothers day weekends so it tiggers lots of memories for me even after many years.

nagynolonger · 03/02/2013 08:28

Sorry about the spelling again!