To give a homeless man a meal deal rather than the money?

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

There is a homeless man sat outside the Tesco Express with a little cup asking for money. Instead of giving him
Money I went inside and bought him a meal deal (crisps, ham sandwich and drink) and gave that to him. He was very polite and grateful about it and I thought nothing more of it until my friend then later accused me of being patronising by presenting him with food rather than te money.
When I lived in South Aftica I would often give food rather than money as in many cases the money went on drinks and drugs etc.
Am I being unreasonable to "control" the expenditure of this man (as put by friend) and not just give him money. I'm quite concerned now that he would have been offended, as my friend certainly thinks so!

Thank you I just remember one day I had spent about £150 on a haircut and some nonsense stuff and I went to my boss in tears saying - how could I have done that when what's going on downstairs is so awful...my boss just said, look, you earn your mney by giving a shit, and, although it didn't stop me feeling bad, it made me actually realise that what I was doing was important and that was the main thing. Without wanting to sound arrogant, I used to love making them laugh and hearing them say 'emin, you are so funny, thank you..' and stuff. Just two minutes out of my day to hear someone who had nothing laugh or just appreciate something I'd done. It meant the world to me.

miss alien and eminemmerdale thank you for your perspectives. What an interesting thread. I've got some thinking to do.

What does everyone think about giving the Big Issue seller a pound but not taking the magazine? I seem to recall hearing somewhere that this was frowned upon, can't remember why. I just don't have the time to read it and the once or twice I have done, wasn't really my cup of tea.

Id say fake the paper so they have less to cart around :-)

Also it could be used to raise awareness and diacussion

Miss alien - thanks for your comments. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister.

Bloody hell. All of that because of a sandwich.

I am exhausted reading some of that ffffffffffffffs.

I think you did the right thing though, i would have done the same and not expected the morbid dissection of the kind gesture afterwards. (I used to give a homelesss man cigs until my boss saw me and said i would have every homeless person in london after me if i continued!!)

quick point - when I worked at the day centre, I did two xmas days (when we cooked a meal and gave presents out - donated) Each time I bought 60 fags and handed them out like sweeties! smoking is rubbish but having all those fags - I even had one person say 'you bought them for us didn't you?' I am not a Beckham, but yeh, I knew they would want a smoke so I did it.

11 pages debating about an act of kindness??? Isn't doing good all about intention? If the man didn't want it all he had to do was say so.

Keep giving people.
When we stop givin and start analyzing we know that we are screwed.

emin in the mid-1980s I worked in a hostel for the homeless for 2 years, and yes it was very very draining emotionally. The stories of dire circumstances and histories every day was just the pits. Most of the people weren't off the streets, it was mainly a resource for those eligible for LA housing but th esupply was so poor they ended up with us.
And yes we bought stuff out of our own pockets, esp at Christmas and long term resident's birthdays.
Just the most appalling happenings in a country the 6th richest in the world.

It would be so worthwhile for a political party to come into power and singlemindedly address homelessness once and for all. It was possible after WW2 and it is certainly achievable now, with a bit of intelligence. As you say, we are a wealthy country and well within our grasp.

from a Leicester homless charity .... I would give you the London links but none of you like tory owned media.

www.thepavement.org.uk/story.php?story=810

In July, local police cautioned 20 people for begging on the streets of Leicester in the first two weeks of a scheme to tackle the problem. But, joint operations between the city council and the police revealed none of them were homeless. Instead they were professional beggars, much like the fictional character from the Sherlock Holmes' case The Man With The Twisted Lip. Toni Soni, the head of hostel services at Leicester council, said: "There are people who are actually professional beggars who are doing it to make a living. If we did find they were rough sleepers, we would try to engage them in our support services.?Äù Sergeant Adrian Underwood, of Leicestershire police, told the local paper Leicester Mercury that some people could pick up to ¬£200 begging on a Friday or Saturday night. Previously, the police launched a 'three strikes and you're out' approach after begging emerged as a major issue for people living, working and shopping in Leicester.

At the moment I see a series of sticking plasters and no joined up housing policy. I see families in B and B accommodation when large flats and houses lie empty. I see developers building flats that don't sell while people roam the streets having lost their accommodation. I see no place for people to go if they have drink and drugs problems. I see brownfield sites being used for posh developments instead of locally relevant ones. I see developers being given free rein to exploit greenfield sites with minimal consideration given to local housing needs. I see wealthy people converting bedrooms to gyms and dressing rooms and home cinemas while their children's teachers are virtually sofa surfing.

We need to bring back a connection between housing size and the number of occupants. We need to build more family flats rather than houses, and get families designing the homes they are going to live in. And we need to make rents realistic in terms of income and travel to work times.

boffinmum we're in the same city and I cannot believe the amount of building work going on! it's incredible. And the two main shelters for the homeless, whilst having gone 'upmarket' have actually reduced their available beds.

Dave and porridge, I believe that too. Few years ago I got made redundant. Landlord kicked me out ("no DSS"). No private landlord would even talk to me while I was unemployed, and social housing services said I was not a priority as I had no dependents. I was very lucky that I had family to support me; otherwise, I would have been on the street. And I'm an academic professional.

Er, didn't mean to sound like a twat saying "I'm an academic professional". Just wanted to illustrate that it could happen to anyone, not just the allegedly feckless.

When I worked in the prisons I worked with a lot of homeless charity organisations and bother agencies linked to helping and supporting homeless people. They almost always advise against giving money and to always offer food, drink, clothes, etc instead.

I passed the homeless man who I gave food to on my way to work. I work in a large "formal household" looking after the children in a VIP family. Their mansion in an affluent area has 12 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms but we live in a house they rent centrally so, and I quote, the Mum can be closer to Harrods. Their rent is around £5500 a week.
It upsets me so much when I pass by the homeless on my way to work with people who buy Perrier specially to put in the iron.

Perrier in the iron blimey!

Now we're going to want to know who they are

I saw a 'homeless' guy outside a tube station discreetly trying to chat on his mobile phone. I just managed to stop myself from shouting, 'how do you charge the fucking thing, sit around waiting for a bolt of lightening to hit you?'

It is possible he charged it at a shelter every night, I guess, but the fact he was trying to hide it made me feel he wasn't homeless.

Since then I have stopped giving money to homeless people (but still would offer to buy food to those who seem genuine).

Cally, same!

In my case, I had completed my degree and I was about to commence a PGCE course to train to be a teacher. Since the first school I was placed at was quite a distance from the university I obtained temporary lodgings in shared accommodation. Unfortunately this came to an end at the end of November, and I had nowhere to go until my next placement which was mid January. I had no family, so I worked in a care home nights and slept in the car during the day. Horrible times, and I did at least have shelter of sorts and food and clothing.

What is difficult to explain though (and I am going back ten years now) is the sense of complete isolation from the rest of society you feel, I spent Christmas Day 2002 sitting in my car looking out at a lake where my parents used to take me as a child and wondering what they'd think if they knew where I was. Horrible!

YANBU in the slightest.

Even if you are 'controlling' his spending choices that's tough fucking luck and surely a ham sandwich is better than nothing at all?

I don't give money to beggers, I prefer to give to charity who can make better spending decisions.

Emin, I have some involvement with the community building side of that and we have had very little influence over the social context of the housing. It is largely extremely expensive and given that the homeless hostel now costs £700 a month for people to sleep in, I just despair, I really do. I mean, what planet are councillors and developers on? Currently they are telling poorly paid key workers to live in Huntingdon and St Neots as it is cheaper, and forget about living in Cambridge. What then, I pray, is the point of that green belt development, other than to line Guy Pemberton's pockets? Surely that should be helping to house single key workers as well? Or is Cambridge now a ghetto for the posh?

oh porridge, that sounds utterly tears-worthy.
The sense of isolation must have been profound.
For one year, prior to the hostel I was u/employed - that was extremely isolating, it felt at the time. But to be without home or support is a tough one to recover from i'd imagine.

I always thought it was generally suggested that you don't give cash to people on the streets. We live in a nice city and there are usually beggers in most prime locations.

I have sometimes given money in a rash moment, but I think there is a scheme where you can buy food vouchers to give out. They can only spend it on food, but can obviously pick what they want. Keep meaning to look into it and possibly have some with me for when I'm feeling kind.

Can't really see that food is any more or less patronising than giving money.

Porridge, I'm so sorry to hear that