To give a homeless man a meal deal rather than the money?

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

There is a homeless man sat outside the Tesco Express with a little cup asking for money. Instead of giving him
Money I went inside and bought him a meal deal (crisps, ham sandwich and drink) and gave that to him. He was very polite and grateful about it and I thought nothing more of it until my friend then later accused me of being patronising by presenting him with food rather than te money.
When I lived in South Aftica I would often give food rather than money as in many cases the money went on drinks and drugs etc.
Am I being unreasonable to "control" the expenditure of this man (as put by friend) and not just give him money. I'm quite concerned now that he would have been offended, as my friend certainly thinks so!

I give money and I don't give a flying fuck how they spend it.

^^This. Well said.

I will only give food to beggars. I would never, ever give money as I suspect it will be spent on drink or drugs. As someone else said, beggars can't be choosers, so it's food and if that isn't good enough, I suspect they aren't real beggars and tough titty!

Completely agree bubamarra. People do what they think is the best thing to do. You want to give money, fine. If you want to give food, thats also fine.

I give food/hot drinks to homeless people sometimes. Not because I care what they choose to spend the couple of pounds I give them but because I very rarely carry cash,so I pay on card.

I used to buy coffee for the Big Issue sellers when I was younger because I never had cash to buy the magazine.

Over the course of a day spent sitting in the street begging,it is likely a beggar will be given enough money to buy their way into a shelter or for whatever they want to spend that money on. However in the meant time they are freezing cold,thirsty and hungry. Or boiling hot,thirsty and hungry. If one person gives good then that's one thing they don't need to worry about so much on that particular day surely?

I don't feel a particular warm fuzzy glow about how wonderful I am for giving someone a bit of food and/or a drink. It's just something I do.

I think you could say the same about anything though - I chose not to give my money to x company because of some of their affiliates and their practices, I chose not to give money as a gift to someone if I was certain they would just end up spending on someone else etc.

Homeless Charities, such as St Mungos in London urge people to NOT give money. They know from their client group that the majority does go on substances and alcohol. It ultimately makes their life on the streets no better and prolongs it.

I think it is up to the person- I would give food or a drink-there is no way I would give money. If I give money I give it to the charity and not the individual.

Time to wheel out my Lovely Story

Friend's DH, very well-paid, public school, cushioned life, etc, never really 'saw' homeless people iykwim. Guy comes up asking for money. H ignores him, friend decides to deliver small lecture on what is actually "wrong with these people" and why they "don't just get a job like everyone else". H goes back to same young man; enquires as to immediate needs in order to get self housed, helped and look for work. Ends up handing him £500 cash for room, suit, shoes, haircut, fares, food (this was a while back.) Gives guy his card saying he'd like to hear how he gets on but no obligation, good luck. Chap rang him up a few months later, in work & renting bedsit :) Job done :)

It's terribly rude to assume everybody who's on their uppers will drink & drug all their chances away.

"It ultimately makes their life on the streets no better and prolongs it."

But isn't that their choice to make, Pan?

It seems charities and people working with the homeless are divided, according to their own experiences of a complex subject.

What I find offensive is the MC stranger assuming homeless = drunk and druggie and thinking that their loose change buys them a measure of authority over another person.

What I find offensive is the MC stranger assuming homeless = drunk and druggie and thinking that their loose change buys them a measure of authority over another person.

Its not always an assumption though is it. Sometimes its blindingly obvious. And I can't see what authority its actually buying. They can accept the food, (or the money), or they can say no. There is a choice there.

I suppose it is tethers. But I'd not want to be 'supporting' someone's choice that prolongs them to be so vulnerable to assault, robbery and dreadful healthy issues. It's a 'warmth of concern' for someone else that stops me doing that. When I worked in M/c centre I used to give a cup of take-out coffee from time to time to a young bloke and his dog.

Greeny - I don't think it's an imposition of 'authority', and as I'd said, the charity St Mungos indicates it's more than just an assumption that the majority goes on alcohol/substances no matter what the class of the person doing the giving. But yes it is complex and I'm not 100% confident I'm doing the right thing. Apart from giving.

I hear people saying to do this all the time and I do think its patronising. My family took in a homeless man once, he told me how he had turned to alcohol after becoming homeless. (Landlord had rented out his flat after a long stay in hospital and he didn't have enough money to find somewhere else and had no family). Lots of homeless people turn to drugs and alcohol as a result of being homeless, not the other way round. I know which I'd prefer if I was on a cold street. So I don't care if the quid I give them is going to their next pint or drugs, it will keep them warn for a bit and get then through the next night.

Some people here seem to be saying that I should have bought him alcohol rather than food because it would have made his night more bearable.

That is frightening and easy to believe Dave. Something similar happened to me once and I was homeless for six weeks although I had a job. I was working nights and slept in my car during the day. It was horrendous and I know I had it easy in comparison to some.

Seventh you did a nice thing,I don't understand why people are judging you for it on here.

Everyone gets hungry...I'm sure when you're homeless knowing when you're next going to eat is a big issue.

He might not have been homeless because of alcohol/substance issues. He might not even drink! How insulting would it have been to make that kind of assumption about him?! Very.

I've been following this all day and have wondered how to put my perspective into it. I used to be the manager of a homelses day centre. 95 % of the clients who came in first thing in the morning for breakfast, were either rough sleeping, in a night shelter that kicked them out in the mornings or Big Issue sellers. The rough sleepers nearly all had substance misuse problems and were desperate for breakfast before they went back onto the streets to beg for money for their habits, ditto most of the night shelter crew. the Big Issue sellers were usually in vulnerable accomodation, ie short term hostels, dodgy bedsits.. and, despite the poster upthread who said they are all 'clean', this is simply not true, a lot of them still had the substance problems. Our job was to try to persuade people to use our facilities - education, health, art, alcohol/drug services, whatever, but it was so hard. All a lot of them really wanted to do was either phone the DSS to either shout at them for not paying them their benefits that week, or try for another crisis loan. It's like nailing jelly to a wall. I was interviewed on tv and radio about the whole should we give money or not, and I really cannot answer that. I would just say give whjat you, at that time, feel you want to give - a £1, a sandwich or your time. It was the most emotionally difficult time of my life and it took me a long time to be able to spend my money on frivolous things like haircuts or make up without feeling rubbish and guilty. Some of them I couldn't stand - just like anyone you meet, some of them were self pitying and some downright unpleasant. But no-one, no-one wants to be in that position

I think it was a nice gesture. Don't worry about it

I don't think they're saying that Seventh. I think they're saying that might be some people's choice if they have the money to make the choice and perhaps the reasons for that are understandable. But as eminemmerdale says above maybe it's about just giving what you feel you can afford.

Well anyway thank you for an act of kindness in a sometimes cruel world. My mum and sister have both been homeless and lived on the streets , in bitter temperatures , drink and drug problems galore. Sometimes its the little things that count and it is always nice to be considered . It would have taken a split second to chuck a pound in a pot but im sure that person felt a little better that you had considered his needs as a fellow human trying to survive when you actually took the time to chose a meal for him and thought hey he could be hungry. It was a good thing and im glad there are kind people out there , my sister recently died of a drug drink painkiller overdose but my mum is in sheltered housing in london . I hope she would encounter someone like you who as much as none of us can cure tje problems they face, doesnt mean we dont give a shit .

So thank you.

And now im going to have s little cry .

missalien Just - you've just said it so much better than any of us could - I wish you everything good x

I think it's a kind thing to do

However as the late great Bill Hicks said 'drugs are pretty important to a drug addict'.

It was your post eminemmerdale that let mw say it as your comment about spending money on frivolous things rang very true and it came across thar you really cared . So thank you from thw family of the people you have helped .