To give a homeless man a meal deal rather than the money?

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

There is a homeless man sat outside the Tesco Express with a little cup asking for money. Instead of giving him
Money I went inside and bought him a meal deal (crisps, ham sandwich and drink) and gave that to him. He was very polite and grateful about it and I thought nothing more of it until my friend then later accused me of being patronising by presenting him with food rather than te money.
When I lived in South Aftica I would often give food rather than money as in many cases the money went on drinks and drugs etc.
Am I being unreasonable to "control" the expenditure of this man (as put by friend) and not just give him money. I'm quite concerned now that he would have been offended, as my friend certainly thinks so!

My SIL is an alcoholic. So far it has cost her her marriage, children, job and three houses. She is usually chucked out for keeping the places in squalor. If you give her money, she will spend it on vodka. I hope she won't end up on the streets, but there is a possibility, I suppose.

I find it rather odd that some of you think it would be fine to give her money for vodka.

I have given both money and food/drink, I remember one young lad walking through the nearest town to where I live and he 'don't flame me' looked homeless,he was very scruffy,and was very dirty.

He was looking in the window of a bakery and was literally drooling,I went in and bought him a pasty,cake and a coffee,he had by then walked further up the street,so I followed him and said excuse me can I offer these to you? He said honestly,for me? I said yes for you,he was very grateful and he sat on the bench near us and ate them.

At the end of the day that was someone's son and I would like to think if ever my own ds stumbled on hard times someone would offer him a hot meal.

None of us know what is around that corner.

I have really enjoyed (not quite the right word) this thread as so many good points and links have been posted.

I still think that for me the best thing to do is to ask on my way into the shop if there's anything they might like, get it for them, and pass the time of day afterwards. And keep Shelter etc on my list of charities.

I once offered on my way into Greggs (yeah yeah) and he wouldn't take anything but tea with half a dozen sugars, despite friendly encouragement. I know some of the nicer hot food shops (eg the place where £4 would buy roast pork, stuffing, apple sauce, crackling and roast potatoes in a polystyrene tray with a lid) simply wouldn't let them through the door, so going in to buy it is a genuine favour.

Grovel, yes I've heard this before. I wouldn't give money to someone clearly has an addiction. I doubt many who are addicted to drugs or alchol actively set out to put thenselves in that position. Once you're in that cycle its hard to get off. Do people think an active clearheaded choice is being made each time an alcoholic or drug addict buy their next hit or drink? Its a choice clouded and directed by the addiction itself.

For posters who are insinuating that those who dont give the choice of money are patronising, I would say it would be socially irresponsible to hand that person a bottle of wine, or another fix (which in many cases you will effectively be doing), when their bodies are actually needing nourishment to survive. The drugs you get on the street are often cut with shite, depending on what that shite is, it could actually kill someone. I don't want to be responsible for that, or give money to see someone sink even further down. Why would anyone want to do that baffles me.

It may be taking a choice away, (although the word choice is debatable anyway) and people may insinuate all they like that people who don't give cash are doing it for themselves. However, I'm doing what I think it the most responsible thing to do under the circumstances, whilst not ignoring the problem altogether.

I see a big issue seller outside a supermarket nearly every day. I dont enjoy reading the big issue and i am not sure how they would feel about me giving cash as selling the big issue is not the same as begging.

At xmas I gave the seller a voucher for the supermarket as a present.

Was I right or wrong?

I did it every morning on the way to work. Went into mcdonald's to buy my hot chocolate, the same homeless man would be there, I'd present him with a coffee too. But, I did ask first, to see what he wanted. I think that's just polite.

Maybe I should have asked him. I put a lot of thought into the meal deal, tried to pick a sandwich that looked filling and had "normal" ingredients that everyone would like. I also chose the largest drink and plain crisps thinking they are the more popular.
I did ask him if there was anything in the bag he didn't like with an offer to swap.

Maybe if I'd asked him before I'd gone he'd have been too embarrassed to ask or perhaps he would have asked for something I couldn't afford or something I'd been unwilling to give like fags or alcohol.

I think I'm only restricting his choice if I controlled ALL the money he received.

I think I can see what Greensleeves is trying to say though

yanbu

Those two differing views are interesting.

The guy who was homeless saying he´s OK if they use his money for drugs as maybe it prevents them committing a crime.

But surely not a good long term solution??

Either getting them off the drugs or back into employment so that they can fund it themselves would be better?

Its not a good long term solution. Its a sticking plaster for the here and now.

why shouldn't he buy drink or drugs? a meal deal doesn't get you away from a shit life, a bottle of cider sure does

I bet the vast majority of people on her have drunk too much after a bad day at work.

I suppose a bit if me feels that I don't want to put my money into the drugs trade, which damages millions of lives. I see the point about choice, but drug addiction hardly leaves you free to make a real choice.

There is a big issue seller outside our local m&s and I always pick him up a coffee on my way out, but I've asked and I know his order now!

Giving someone who has nothing, something to eat, when done in the sprit of kindness, is not patronising. Being holier than thou about someone elses choice to act kindly is patronising. The world would be much nicer if we all just stopped to ask how someone was, and if there was any thing we could do to help.

he has a decent excuse to get pissed

If he wants to buy drink or drugs-up to him-I personally don´t want to give money to the drugs trade.

It was a gift. You dont get to dictate gifts. Those who say that it is unreasonable to give a gift instead of money is quite up themselves!

If he/she wants to buy drink and drugs entirely up to them. I wouldn't personally be funding that, but looks like theres plenty of others who would. They might have a decent excuse to get pissed, but its a perpetual circle isn't it, as the getting pissed is playing a large part in keep them down in a shit situation in the first place.

I don't like the Big Issue and have given them the money without taking the magazine before. I reckon that is okay, they get to sell it again.

I've never given a street beggar something rather than money. My pal's OH gave a beggar a McDonald's meal once but then felt bad in case he choked or it made him ill. That seemed random and bizarre to me.

SEVENTH Better to do something than nothing. I have given money on occasions. And I give some money to homeless organisations. I would imagine the bigger the city the bigger the homeless problem.

"I suppose a bit if me feels that I don't want to put my money into the drugs trade, which damages millions of lives."

But you wouldn't be. The homeless person would.

If you have given them money, it is no longer yours.

I just fail to see how can someone be criticized for a good deed. Discussing whether giving food, drink, etc is patronising is like contemplating about first world problems, tbh. It really doesn't reflect a position that is fully aware of how horrible homelessness is and what it entails. These people might need drink or a fix BUT they also need food. It's not like these people have already had their 5 a day and then we come and try to stuff more food down their throat instead of giving them money to do what they want with it. I choose to buy them food and hot drink, someone else can do whatever they want. I think there are so many levels on which we can help them, choosing one does not prevent other people from offering some other form of help.

YANBU I would rather buy a homeless erson food than give money, unless Big Issue seller. Mabey I would ask him what he liked