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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my 5 year old into changing rooms/toilets with me

38 replies

youbethemummylion · 01/02/2013 20:26

I take my 5 year old DS to Karate at a local sports centre on a weekday evening. Sometimes when we are short on time he has to get changed there, other times he just goes for a wee before the lesson starts.

Anyway this week I just took him into the female changing rooms to use the toilets as it is hard for him to get his belt off etc and also he does not like to go by himself into the mens he is a bit scared and shy I think.

There were a couple of young girls in there say about 7 years old getting chaged for gymnastics but we did not hang about just went round the corner where the toilets are then out so DS wasn't staring at them or anything.

Later on while DS was having his lesson I went into the reception area to read the notices etc one of the girls came up to me and said 'your little boy is a pervert cos he came into the girls toilets' I was quite shocked and said 'no he is too young to go into the mens by himself'. She just skipped off to her friend and they were laughing and sniggering looking over at me.

I can't decide wether to think that this little girl is just repeating things she has heard adults talking about etc or if maybe at this age DS should not be coming into female changing rooms/toilets with me?

OP posts:
OutragedFromLeeds · 01/02/2013 20:28

It's fine.

I think the other child had heard it being said and doesn't really know what it means.

WorriedMummy73 · 01/02/2013 20:30

Wow, what a rude little girl! My concern there is that she knows what constitutes a pervert at her age. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking your son into the ladies with you - he's still a little boy. My son is now 8 and wants to go to the mens by himself - I'm terrified of perverts in there! I wouldn't even worry about what some rude child said to you.

BarbarianMum · 01/02/2013 20:31

It's fine.

As a general rule of thumb boys can go into female changing rooms/toilets until the age of 8.

PopMusic · 01/02/2013 20:31

YANBU. He's only 5. I would not dream of sending him to the men's loos by himself at this young age.

Don't take any notice of these silly girls.

Original poster
youbethemummylion · 01/02/2013 20:35

Thanks, I thought it was fine but then because of this strange reaction from the slightly older girls I started to doubt myself.

OP posts:
Chottie · 01/02/2013 20:35

No I do not think so either. I would have challenged those little girls too. I would asked why they were laughing and what was so funny. Hadn't they seen a boy before?

I hope your DS was not upset. I would not have let my DS use the mens toilets on his own at 5 years old either.

Chottie · 01/02/2013 20:38

I remember when DS started to use to use the mens toilets on his own. I was worried. I'd be lurking outside monitoring who was going in and out :) Looking back I'm surprised I wasn't arresting for loitering :)

Since then one of our local toilets has been shut as it was used for cottaging.

BackforGood · 01/02/2013 20:40

What a rude girl! Also, how sad that someone has been filling her mind with such rubbish.
Agree with everyone else. 8 seems to be the age when they become too old to go into female changing rooms / toilets.

seeker · 01/02/2013 20:42

Either this little girl has a very worrying family life, or she was doing something she had been dared to do, or this isn't true.

Catchingmockingbirds · 01/02/2013 20:45

I do the same with my 5 year old when he gets changed for his martial arts lesson too. It's perfectly fine.

Original poster
youbethemummylion · 01/02/2013 20:46

It is most certainly true, I was so shocked she had said it I just went back to DS's lesson but after I had calmed down a bit I was kicking myself for not finding her parent or whoever she was with and letting them know what she has said, and yes I agree she probably didn't even know what it meant or if she did I feel sorry for her being exposed to that sort of language at such a young age.

OP posts:
IAmLouisWalsh · 01/02/2013 20:47

I change DS in the female changing rooms for swimming. He is 6. Lots of other mums do the same. He wouldn't manage on his own.

AnaisB · 01/02/2013 20:51

She was 7 - if you've had to come on mumsnet to check whether you were being unreasonable imagine how hard it is for her to learn all the rules and exceptions to rules.

So yanbu (and she was rude).

Dominodonkey · 02/02/2013 01:01

YANBU - I used to go swimming with my dad and go into the men's changing rooms with him. We always used a cubicle.
When I was 6 (and quite tall) the pool staff stopped us on our way in and asked my age, when my dad said I was 6 they said I had to go into the ladies alone.

I remember it well - i remember crying hysterically as I couldn't work the locker and just generally found it all a bit overwhelming. A nice lady helped me.

I did get the hang of it all but to wait until 7 ie Junior School would have been better.

halcyondays · 02/02/2013 08:27

It's fine, he's only five.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 02/02/2013 08:41

I wouldn't even let an 8year old go into any changing room/public toilet alone.
So YANBU regarding your 5 year old.

seeker · 02/02/2013 10:57

Oh, god- this will run and run.

My one contribution. Not letting a NT 8 year old go into the appropriate gendered changing room or loo is seriously bonkers. If a NT 8 year old needs help getting changed and organising his/her stuff, then something has gone wrong somewhere. However, not letting a 5 year old go into whichever changing room matches the gender of the accompanying adult is equally but differently bonkers. Thank you and goodnight.

mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 10:59

it is not fine. he is too old.
on the other hand, what on earth are you going to do? you can't go into the mens with him.
family facilities needed.

seeker · 02/02/2013 11:00

5 is too old??????????

chandellina · 02/02/2013 11:03

Of course Yanbu.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/02/2013 11:06

My DS went into the mens changing room at his gym when he was 5yo.

HIS CHOICE.
It was an open changing room, (ie no doors but two walls so you couldn't spy on them) .
There were plenty of staff and all the other boys in his class did the same, which was why he wanted to.

But I wouldn't have sent him where I/He didn't feel safe.

The girls have probably been seeing all the Saville coverage on TV? Not realised the seriousness of what they were saying?

Maryz · 02/02/2013 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 02/02/2013 11:21

YANBU

specialsubject · 02/02/2013 11:34

OP's little boy is FIVE. He's fine in the ladies. In a couple of years he goes to the mens, which is not full of perverts any more than the ladies is.

the little girls have just dared each other, are using words they don't understand and are just trying to wind you up. Don't let them succeed.

jenniepanda · 02/02/2013 12:13

Our leisure centre has notices all around that says children under 8 must be accompanied at all times in all areas. YANBU and in our centre I would have reported those rude girls for being without a parent/adult.