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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask why do people 'loud parent'

467 replies

ElevenCent · 01/02/2013 18:24

This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.

I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!

Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 19:18

its online,i dont have a tone with you, we do however have the words on the screen

exoticfruits · 02/02/2013 19:22

People persist in misunderstanding! I took mine to art galleries-museums etc -why wouldn't you?
The loud parent isn't listening to the DC-they are not taking up the cues-they are not giving them time to think-they are giving a monologue that just becomes background noise and the DC opted out long before! You never hear the child's voice in performance parenting, and when they do find one the parent gives up because the child isn't giving the 'approved' answers! i.e. they are childlike in response and not out to impress the casual listener.

exoticfruits · 02/02/2013 19:22

I also can't think that addressing a child with delayed speech as if they were a public meeting is much help!

WorriedMummy73 · 02/02/2013 19:23

Scottish, that's no argument, given that writing DOES have tone to it. Otherwise how would people study literature? One of the things you look for is tone in the language used. So yes, you do have a tone in your writing and it's quite sarcastic and belittling to others at times. And yes, I find that offensive. As for the words you use, would you use those words in a face to face conversation? I think not. Not unless you're constantly arguing with people in reality!

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 19:25

would i say this in rl,you bet
i think loud parenting is v peculiar,and undertaken quite conspicuously
why would i seek to downplay this pov in rl. i do laugh about loud parents in rl

Pagwatch · 02/02/2013 19:29

Exotic

It probably wouldn't ifit really is a public address tone of voice.
Like I said upthread, when the tone and content seems designed to be overheard it isn't for the child.

But (fwiw) i was actually told to speak loudly and clearly to ds.
Part of his problem wasn't just failing to repeat language but he struggled to hear speech clearly amidst background noise. It's an auditory processing thing - he couldn't screen out ambient noise but we had to kep getting and maintaining his attention.

It did make me look like a wanker sometimes but I didn't mind really. Same old..

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 19:29

Some people have completely got the wrong end of the stick about loud performance parenting.

No one here has said anything belittling about talking to your child or using very clear enunciation (especially with SEN children).

It is specifically those parents who are not engaging with their children/babies but are talking very loudly AT them and then looking around to see who is watching and then looking smug.

WorriedMummy73 · 02/02/2013 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

amazingmumof6 · 02/02/2013 19:30

worriedmummy73 thank you

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 19:31

lets be clear im not getting into a verbal you say i say with you
im not biting
youre trying too hard its obvious

WorriedMummy73 · 02/02/2013 19:34

Trying to hard at what exactly? And would you look at that - a thank you from amazingmumof6 for taking her side. So yeah, looks like maybe she WAS offended by your, frankly, obnoxious and bordering on bullying comments but maybe didn't feel up to taking you on herself. By making the comments you made, you WERE biting. End of.

JollyRedGiant · 02/02/2013 19:35

I figure that a 3 month old is not going to understand anything I say. So why shouldn't I talk about complex mathematical theory if it's what interests me?

Francagoestohollywood · 02/02/2013 19:36

You are being a bit disingenuous here Worried, we all cross the line often on MN, it is one of the reasons while we like it.

On MN it is easier to be understanding, generous, sarcastic, and unfortunately rude at times, than in RL

FrameyMcFrame · 02/02/2013 19:37

WorriedMummy, seems like it's you who are doing the attacking here not scottishmummy!
Your 'tone' is pretty aggressive!

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 19:37

Yes, but do you do it sufficiently loudly and then look around for applause?

Francagoestohollywood · 02/02/2013 19:37

Why, not while.
The tablet is wearing off...

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 19:38

talk about what you want frankly,as repated on thread its not the talking
its the loud,conspicuous delivery,this isnt mums talkin to their kids
this isnt about whether or not you talk,sing,go galleries.but its already been explained

WorriedMummy73 · 02/02/2013 19:38

Franca - but it's not ok if it's having a go at someone who said they were genuinely upset by comments made. That's just nasty. And being online only makes it worse because it's cowardly. Just because it's online that doesn't make it ok to be rude.

Tensixtysix · 02/02/2013 19:39

I just want to say 'Oh FFS shut up woman!'

FrameyMcFrame · 02/02/2013 19:39

JollyRedGiant, nobody minds anyone talking about anything to a baby...

It's when they DO IT SO LOUDLY for the benefit of the general public rather than the baby.

aarrrhggg

WorriedMummy73 · 02/02/2013 19:41

Framey - no, aggressive would be 'bring it on', 'I'm going to get you' stuff. Why is it ok to have a go at someone who says they were upset? But I'm being aggressive? Weird.

bruffin · 02/02/2013 19:43

That's the type of parenting at the museum today the exotic. The children wernt showing any interest at all the mum was talking at them and was ignoring them completely when they were making their escape.
Yes Pagwatch on the train it was distracting, it was distracting. It was both parents loudly parenting Fenton. We weren't sitting next to them we were half a carriage away and all you could hear was Fenton this and Fenton that. Fenton was a baby and spilt his drink and everyone in the carriage got to know about

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 19:44

You are accusing another poster of being aggressive even though she has not used the phrases 'bring it on' and 'I'm going to get you' or similar. But you are aghast that anyone would accuse you of the same.

WorriedMummy73 · 02/02/2013 19:44

Oh, the baby was called Fenton! I thought it was a kind of person, like a chav! I was very confused...

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 19:45

i quite like fenton as a name, dont they make ginger beer

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