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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow your 14 year old to go to a party and have 1 or 2 drinks?

95 replies

tjah04 · 01/02/2013 12:30

It is a house party with other kids from school.

Personally I am shocked but have been told that I have no idea and to wait until mine get older and I will understand.

I do not understand. My Dsis says that it is a compromise with a teenager and she is working on mutual respect.

I am worried that this type of compromise undermines a parents authority.

What do you think?

OP posts:
irishchic · 01/02/2013 12:31

Erm, no bloody way would I be allowing this, my dd is 12, it aint happenin when she is 14, nope!

Toughasoldboots · 01/02/2013 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PureQuintessence · 01/02/2013 12:33

My friend, was a bit like your Dsis, and had a light bulb moment on a Monday morning in the car on the way to school with her 15 year old dd.

"Mum, do you know, this was the first weekend in a long while I have not been drunk both Friday and Saturday night". Shock

LaurieBlueBell · 01/02/2013 12:34

When hell freezes possibly. Until then not a chance though I'm sure lots will think it's ok.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 01/02/2013 12:34

Speaking as a parent no I would not be sending my 14 year old to a party with permission to have one or two drinks. They won't stop at one or two anyway ..........

However, I remember as a 14 year old going to parties with woodpecker cider whoch my mum would have bought for me. No way would she have given me wine or anything but in those days we all seemed to be able to get our parents to buy us cider.

I do think though that if we allow teenagers to go to a party we have to accept that they are going to try and have a sneaky drink whether we give permission or not. So, you either don't let them go which is a bit harsh really or you let them go knowing they will probably drink.

This is what your sister is thinking as well I am sure so maybe she is hoping that if she says they can have one drink that will be enough. I see her POV but I think they will not stop at one or two!

SkinnybitchWannabe · 01/02/2013 12:34

My eldest ds will be 14 in may and there's no way I'd let him drink.
I'm not naive enough to expect him to wait until his 18th birthday to try it but hell would have to freeze over before I let him.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 01/02/2013 12:35

Forgot to add-let him at 14.

NorthernLurker · 01/02/2013 12:36

I have a nearly 15 yr old. She does not go to parties. She has agreed with me that she will not be going till she is older. She also knows what her friends have got up to at said parties and thankfully she has her head screwed on well enough to be horrified at the tales of underage sex and excessive drinking that then come out afterwards. If she really wanted to go to a party I would probably let her but I would be frank about the risks and temptations and I would not expect her to drink at all and said party. You can have mutual respect without letting them do exactly what they want! 14 yr olds should not be drinking at all.

willyoulistentome · 01/02/2013 12:36

NOOOO!

AmberSocks · 01/02/2013 12:38

no.

But if we were having a party at home with family and friends i would let them have a drink.

Sugarice · 01/02/2013 12:38

You're right not to give her any booze but I bet you it'll be there anyway if you let her go and will she refuse it if she is offered any.

That's the hardest thing , is your dd feeling strong enough to say no if it's offered and if you've forbidden it.

Mine have drunk beer behind my back, it's almost impossible to prevent it unless you stop them going or your child is strong willed.

Sidge · 01/02/2013 12:38

Er no, not my 14 year old. She has never been to a party (excepting family ones/wedding receptions etc). I'm sure when she's 16 or so it will be different but not now at 14.

I don't see any need for young teens to have parties really. And certainly not with alcohol.

Mabelface · 01/02/2013 12:40

Not in this lifetime. My 13 year old daughter is off to a party tonight, but it's non alcohol and very well supervised.

TequilaMockinBird · 01/02/2013 12:42

Yes. DD is 15 and has now been to 2 3 parties (1 when she was 14) and had a drink.

I wasn't going to let her but after speaking to the mums of the girls who's house parties she went to, I relented. She usually has a small bottle of lambrini, is supervised, in a house, and has my trust.

Teens in a group want to drink (for whatever reason). If you don't give them permission to drink sensibly, in a safe environment, then they will find a way to do it behind your back, which can be dangerous.

My DD has never come home drunk, but has come home with an empty bottle for me to recycle.

Ill probably get flamed for this but it's not that long ago since I was a teen, and my DD is 100 times more trustworthy than I ever was Grin

bedmonster · 01/02/2013 12:42

When my Dsis comes over on a friday night from time to time, if I open a bottle of fizzy I let her have a small glass.
DN is and is allowed a half a crabbies or similar, or a small G&T at a party/special occassion.
TBH, I don't see an issue personally with small amounts of alcohol during the earlier teen years at home in a controlled way and as a part of socialising every now and again, but it's a different kettle of fish at a party with little or no adult supervision.
I know a few teenagers who are allowed to drink at parties and some who aren't.
It's greatly down to how alcohol is viewed at home by responsible adults though I think. I wouldn't have an issue if it were one or two drinks and I could trust them to stick to that - but that's the key word - trust.

HelpOneAnother · 01/02/2013 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sugarice · 01/02/2013 12:44

OP, do you know if adults will be there keeping an eye out?.

soverylucky · 01/02/2013 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeafLeopard · 01/02/2013 12:45

DS is 14. I allow him to have a small drink at home under supervision on special occasions - eg he has had a glass of champagne on xmas day / NYE or a small bailey's coffee after dinner.

However I have seen pictures on FB of his friends with fosters / magners / bacardi breezers etc at parties, no way would I be encouraging that.

Totally hypocritical as at that age me and my best friend would be at the park drinking cider, malibu or 20/20 most weekends without parental knowledge.

sazpops · 01/02/2013 12:45

I'd say it would depend on the circumstances - are the parents going to be there supervising? Do you know them well?

When my DD1 was 14 she was invited to a friend's party and the parents (with whom we were also friendly) asked us if it would be OK for her to have a couple of glasses of cider. We were fine with that as we knew they would be the ones handing out the drinks,and we trusted them. If the kids are helping themselves, then probably not.

Cornycabernet · 01/02/2013 12:45

No I wouldn't.

Floggingmolly · 01/02/2013 12:46

Why does your dsis imagine that allowing her 14 year old to drink alcohol will encourage "mutual respect"? I'm missing something...

SkivingAgain · 01/02/2013 12:46

There is no way I'd give permission or enable it by providing cash, but ds will do what he chooses and take responsibility for any consequences.

Icelollycraving · 01/02/2013 12:47

I remember getting really pissed at parties from about 15. I dread ds growing up!

Foggles · 01/02/2013 12:48

If you don't allow it - they might sneak 1 or 2

If you allow 1 or 2 - they'll have 3 or 4

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