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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that a divorce costs more than three times what a wedding does?

23 replies

BrittaPerry · 31/01/2013 22:50

I know I always heard that divorces are expensive, but you hear that about weddings too, don't you?

It cost us £110 and ten minutes to get married, I assumed that a (hypothetical as yet) divorce would be the same kind of thing if we were both ok with it. DH just signed a form and posted it back to his ex for his first divorce (they were separated, but as soon as he got a new girlfriend - me - she divorced him for adultery. Can't blame her one bit for wanting to be rid of him asap.)

I know, it was my own fault, but shouldn't you get some kind of leaflet before you get married? Maybe not about divorce, that would kill the mood, but about the legal implications? I looked them up myself, but I doubt most people do. All we got was a throwaway comment about reregistering the kids to legitimise them, which we of course ignored.

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 31/01/2013 23:34

Surely its irrelevant as you shouldn't get married if you think there is a possibility of divorce.

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 31/01/2013 23:38

Well, yeah, but a lot of marriages do end in divorce. I just kind of assumed that entering into a legal arrangement should be harder or at least equal to exiting it.l

The wedding was just a case of going in two weeks before to sign forms and prove that we knew each other,then going back, standing up answering questions for five minutes then signing a form.

Sounds like even the cheapest easiest divorce will be harder/more expensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrittaPerry · 31/01/2013 23:42

I didn't even know what the questions would be, and I got told off for saying 'yes' instead of 'I do'.

Clearly I wasn't taking it seriously enough, but we could have met each other three weeks earlier. If we get divorced, it is two years and at least £500.

Small, I know, in the scheme of things. Kind f avoiding thinking about big things :-/

OP posts:
manicbmc · 31/01/2013 23:42

I am saving up for mine. The ex is paying half. Grin

laptopcomputer · 31/01/2013 23:44

"legitimise" the kids? Hmm

foreverondiet · 31/01/2013 23:45

I know a lot of marriages end in divorce, just meant it shouldn't be a reason not to get married....

laptopcomputer · 31/01/2013 23:45

There is more paperwork etc with a divorce, therefore seems reasonable it wuld cost more?

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 31/01/2013 23:51

I thought it was just "person x would like to divorce person y because of z, sign here to agree' then another one with 'person x and person y now have no financial links, sign here to agree'

Or at least that was what his first divorce looked like.

And I know! Legitimise! Apparently you are meant to do it if you marry after having kids together. Weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrittaPerry · 31/01/2013 23:53

I know, its not a reason, I think I just assumed (now things are going wrong) that it would be as easy. We have no assets, i hear that the children are sorted separately anyway.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 01/02/2013 00:03

Legitimise! Apparently you are meant to do it if you marry after having kids together.

Actually, you re-register these children after marriage. The status of illegitimacy, as such, no longer exists in English law I believe.

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 01/02/2013 00:11

It was explained to us that the reason you re register them is to hide that they were born out of wedlock and legitimise them. This was by a very old school stern registrar. We just went Hmm and ignored her. Does it make any difference at all, do you know?

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 01/02/2013 00:15

You do have to re-register the children that you had together before you were married. The child then gets a new birth certificate that overwrites the original one. I'm surprised that any registrar is using phrases like "out of wedlock" nowadays although, strictly speaking, that is the correct expression. But as I said above, illegitimacy is not a status nowadays.

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 01/02/2013 00:30

Why though? What happens if you don't?

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 01/02/2013 00:42

A lot of the cost is solicitors fees.

You can do a diy divorce for a fraction of the cost if all in agreement wants it.

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 01/02/2013 00:47

The cheapest I have found is nearly £400! I can afford it, especially with 2 yars to prepare, but I dread to think what would happen if he contested it!

OP posts:
Original poster
BrittaPerry · 01/02/2013 00:56

"Court fees of £385 will be payable unless you are eligible for a fee exemption"

Looks like it can't be avoided, plus those forms apparently don't work if kids are involved.

Meh.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrittaPerry · 01/02/2013 00:56

Not that we are even definitely divorcing, mind. I'm just informing myself of choices.

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 01/02/2013 08:00

It's a legal process, there has to be a cost. Even if you do it yourself there is still a workload created and legal bods are expensive. H and I will be divorcing in due course and we will split the £400 between us. I don't really resent that there is a cost tbh, if there wasn't, can you imagine how many daft and impulsive people would file for divorce every time they had a row?

ZillionChocolate · 01/02/2013 08:35

Marriage is supposed to be a serious legal commitment, of course it's difficult to get out of. Otherwise you should just exchange haribo rings.

Sorry you're having problems OP.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 01/02/2013 09:49

My divorce cost the bare minimum - I filled out the forms myself and all I had to pay was the court fees which were around £150.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 01/02/2013 09:54

Oops! Looks like the court fees have gone up a lot since mine!

SPBInDisguise · 01/02/2013 09:57

Britta, sorry to hear you're going through this

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