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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rid of our (new) childminder for this?

58 replies

choixduroi · 31/01/2013 10:36

We've had a picker-upper since the start of Jan, who does 3 hours a day (collects kids from nursery and school and looks after them til I get home from work). Basically her attitude has deteriorated and everything is too much trouble. Last week I had to go away overnight for work. I'd already arranged that she would work an extra hour for two evenings until DH got home. On the Thursday DH was really sick and stayed home, and he sent her away one hour early (but she would still stay late the next day). She was rude to him and said we were messing her around. The next day (with me still away) she texted him to say she wanted a day off, i.e. was not going to show up. It was clearly a kind of 'punishment' for us. Eventually she agreed to show up, but I felt pretty stressed as I could not have got back to pick them up.

She plays quite nicely with the kids but has trouble setting boundaries/with discipline, and more worryingly keeps telling us that they run across roads and she can't control them (they would never dare to do that when out with us). It worries me that she can't take control of the situation (they are 3 and 6).

AIBU to get rid of her on this basis? Or should I give her another chance? I worry that if there's already a bad attitude after a few weeks, things could get worse. We are paying her pretty well. She said how great she would be when she started, and basically hasn't been. I interviewed another childminder last night who I already had a bit more confidence in.

OP posts:
KC225 · 31/01/2013 10:42

Are you talking this January? Four weeks ago? If you don't feel great already then I doubt things will get better. The fact you have interviewed new child minder last night tells me you have already made up your mind

BuntyPenfold · 31/01/2013 10:44

Why would you wait? It's already going badly.

I would be having very stern words with the 6 year old regarding running across the roads.

Scholes34 · 31/01/2013 10:47

What KC225 said.

You should treat your childminder how you would expect and like your own employer to treat you - respectfully, no last minute changes to arrangements, and if these are needed, you should have built up a good working relationship by that stage that she will know your need is genuine and that you will express your gratitude.

FunnysInLaJardin · 31/01/2013 10:47

I would get rid. How old is she? She sounds rather immature to me

RhinestoneCowgirl · 31/01/2013 10:50

I would not expect a childminder to be airily telling me that she 'can't control' my children and that they've been dashing across roads. Would be a thumbs down for me.

Is she really inexperienced?

ChippingInLovesMN · 31/01/2013 10:52

If she's coming to your house, she's not a childminder. What childcare background does she have?

It sounds like you'e already made your mind up, so when you employ someone new, make sure you know what you're doing.

valiumredhead · 31/01/2013 10:53

I don't understand, she got to go home an hour early but was pissed off about it?

Where did you find this person,did you check out references etc?

WowOoo · 31/01/2013 10:53

Try another. She is complaining about having trouble with them crossing the road and that would make me very worried. The discipline thing too.

Our childminder was forever reminding me of things I SHOULD be doing with them. She was pretty strict and an older woman and perfect until she retired.

I'd say things are not going the way you expected and give her her notice.

brainonastick · 31/01/2013 10:54

I totally agree she isn't going to work out for you.

The only thing I picked up is that you say your dh sent her home an hour early, as he was home ill. So do you not expect to pay for that hour? If that is the case I can see why she is annoyed with you, as you have broken your contract with her.

Crinkle77 · 31/01/2013 10:54

Well she can't just decide to have a day off at the last minute. If she needs time off she needs to give you notice. More importantly you need to be able to trust that they are safe and if you can't do that then I would get someone else.

StitchAteMySleep · 31/01/2013 10:56

Get another, if she can't control them when she crosses the road with them, she isn't a very good childminder.

Poledra · 31/01/2013 10:59

In the situation where your DH sent her away an hour early, did you not pay for the time anyway? If I choose to collect my children early from my CM, she doesn't reduce my bill - she was available to look after my children but I chose not to use that time. If you DH sent her away so you could reduce the payment then that is unfair.

However, she needs to be able to control the children - there is no way my Cm would tolerate this from my children. When they are disobedient on the roads, she will then make them walk beside her and hold her hand, regardless of what they want. That would be a dealbreaker for me.

valiumredhead · 31/01/2013 10:59

I would also have strong words with your children, they are 3 and 6 and the 6 year old at the very least should know better than to run out in the road whoever he is with.

DeepRedBetty · 31/01/2013 11:00

If she isn't going to be paid for an hour, or thinks she isn't, that's the only tiny chink I can see of reasonableness in her. Otherwise pay her what you owe and start the new one asap.

WhateverTrevor · 31/01/2013 11:00

She can't stop them from running across roads?
She would have been gone the minute she said that.

valiumredhead · 31/01/2013 11:02

Oh yes, did you pay her for the hour she was sent home?

Original poster
choixduroi · 31/01/2013 11:08

we did pay her for the hour until when she normally goes home, she just didn't get the extra hour iyswim... so she didn't lose out, she just got one hour overtime that week (the day after), instead of 2..

I agree on having strong words with the children, I was shocked by this as they know about road safety and are usually very good.

I think we will have to let her go, it's not very nice saying it etc but I think more for the safety element. It comes down to the fact that I am feeling a bit mm about the kids spending 15 hours a week with her. She is 28 but very immature. Thanks for your comments!

OP posts:
Saltire · 31/01/2013 11:10

She's not a childminder if she is in your own home - she's a nanny.
thats irrelevant though, if you don't feel happy with her, and feel that your children aren't being cared for properly then get rid.

valiumredhead · 31/01/2013 11:12

So she miss out on one hour's over time? Sorry Confused

valiumredhead · 31/01/2013 11:13

I meant sorry I am being thick and easily confused today!

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/01/2013 11:16

She "keeps telling us that they run across roads and she can't control them". Um, so she's telling you she can't be bothered to do the job of keeping your children safe. I would not continue to employ her, no.

Original poster
choixduroi · 31/01/2013 11:17

she works 15 hours per week. Last week I originally asked her to work 17 hours (2 extra). But in the event it turned out to be 16, as one of the overtime hours fell through. I think it was more the attitude, rude response and then the 'punishment' by threatening not to turn up the next day. I would get fired from my job if I behaved like that to my boss!

OP posts:
NannyR · 31/01/2013 11:19

I can understand why she was a bit annoyed though if she had to cancel or rearrange something in order to work late for you, then she wasn't needed or paid for the extra time.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 31/01/2013 11:20

if you told her two hours overtime and then didn't pay her, you absolutely are messing her around.

Longtalljosie · 31/01/2013 11:20

She sounds problematic - but if you booked her for two hours overtime you should have paid her for them, regardless.

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