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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get rid of our (new) childminder for this?

58 replies

choixduroi · 31/01/2013 10:36

We've had a picker-upper since the start of Jan, who does 3 hours a day (collects kids from nursery and school and looks after them til I get home from work). Basically her attitude has deteriorated and everything is too much trouble. Last week I had to go away overnight for work. I'd already arranged that she would work an extra hour for two evenings until DH got home. On the Thursday DH was really sick and stayed home, and he sent her away one hour early (but she would still stay late the next day). She was rude to him and said we were messing her around. The next day (with me still away) she texted him to say she wanted a day off, i.e. was not going to show up. It was clearly a kind of 'punishment' for us. Eventually she agreed to show up, but I felt pretty stressed as I could not have got back to pick them up.

She plays quite nicely with the kids but has trouble setting boundaries/with discipline, and more worryingly keeps telling us that they run across roads and she can't control them (they would never dare to do that when out with us). It worries me that she can't take control of the situation (they are 3 and 6).

AIBU to get rid of her on this basis? Or should I give her another chance? I worry that if there's already a bad attitude after a few weeks, things could get worse. We are paying her pretty well. She said how great she would be when she started, and basically hasn't been. I interviewed another childminder last night who I already had a bit more confidence in.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 31/01/2013 11:21

What Aitch said.

FunnysInLaJardin · 31/01/2013 11:21

The most important thing with a CM is reliability. We used a lovely CM for a bit and she was great with the DC but she would let us down at the drop of a hat. You can't live like that and so we have to tell her we were moving to another CM. It was very difficult but we are so glad we did it

megandraper · 31/01/2013 11:22

If she can't control your kids near roads, then you need to get rid of her.

Original poster

choixduroi · 31/01/2013 11:23

to put this in context, we've just moved abroad (from the UK), in the UK we had a nanny who was great, I don't think we ever had any issues or bad feeling with her, and we were able to talk about stuff. Because we now only need someone for a few hours we've ended up with a student who is not super motivated and not that qualified (although has worked as a nanny for one year in the past). It's my fault for hiring her..

OP posts:

PureQuintessence · 31/01/2013 11:24

Aside from her not controlling the kids, you are messing her around. Why on earth did you not honour your agreement and pay her what had been agreed? Not your fault your dh was "really sick". She might have turned down other work to accommodate you. But even if she did not, you were still messing with her.

You should have paid her for both hours you agreed in advance, you are coming across as mean and stingy. I would not want to work for you.

She is not a CM, she is a Nanny, if she is working out of your home. This also means that you are only paying her NET, and need to pay her tax, as far as I am aware....

PureQuintessence · 31/01/2013 11:25

Ok, I see you are not in the uk.
Do you have a contract with her?

gordyslovesheep · 31/01/2013 11:26

she lost 1hrs pay - she is entitled to be pissed off

she is not a childminder either - how old is she, what contract do you have with her, what are her qualifications?

Floralnomad · 31/01/2013 11:27

I would get rid because she has no control of your children but agree with all the others that said you should have paid her the extra hours . If you said you needed her for 2 hours that's what you pay for its not her fault your husband told her to go home .

Original poster

choixduroi · 31/01/2013 11:38

we didn't fix the overtime exactly. We knew I was going to be away for those 2 evenings. We said, look, you might have to stay a bit late, Dh will try to get home as close to your usual time as possible. If he's a bit late, we will pay you overtime for those hours. This is something we often did with our nanny in the UK. I can see it might be construed as a bit messing her around don't think what we did warranted her reaction of waiting til the next morning and then threatening not to turn up. She was hired at a good pay rate and gave us this whole spiel about how flexible she was and how she would go the extra mile. But anyway the safety issue has kind of decided me now to go ahead with the other person.

OP posts:

brainonastick · 31/01/2013 11:41

Well, it sounds like you were both being unreasonable tbh.

Learn from this, and make sure you have a very clear written agreement with the new childminder/nanny over contractual hours, payment for agreed overtime, holiday and sick pay rates on pay on both sides etc.

valiumredhead · 31/01/2013 11:43

It doesn't matter what rate of pay she is on - you messed her around and if the pay is that good then an hour would be a significant loss.

Go with someone else but please sort out pay /overtime first.

BridgetBidet · 31/01/2013 11:51

YABU about changing her hours. You may well have left her right out of pocket if she could have taken other work, or if she has her own children she may have had to make arrangements to have them looked after herself. If she can't control your children that is a separate issue and get rid - but if you request she is there for particular hours you should pay her for them regardless unless you can tell her well in advance they are changing. You are messing her about, she has a right to be annoyed about that.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 31/01/2013 12:05

Her not being able to control your children isn't great and you may want to reconsider using her on that basis, but you really should have paid her for the overtime - you had asked her to do it, she had agreed and then at the last minute you decide you don't need her. That's not her fault and you should have paid up.

pigletmania · 31/01/2013 12:15

If yur not happy I would let her go

Floggingmolly · 31/01/2013 12:20

You didn't fix the overtime exactly... If there was a chance she would have been needed for an extra two hours per day, I find that a bit hard to believe

TalkativeJim · 31/01/2013 12:27

They RUN ACROSS ROADS??!!

She'd have been gone the minute she said that, sorry.

fairylightsinthesnow · 31/01/2013 12:43

I think you need to find someone else and I also think she (and some posters) are over reacting about 1 hr - you could be held up in traffic for that long - if she specifically highlighted her flexibility to you, she shouldn't be flouncing over an hour. It can only be, what, a tenner maybe at most? If she is financially sorted enough to take the next day off it can't have been that crucial. I had informal dealings with a friend's nanny once, lined her up for a few hours childcare a week away. Our plans changed and I cancelled it within 24 hrs of the initial arrangement and still a week from the actual day and she was incredibly pissed off.

Original poster

choixduroi · 31/01/2013 12:46

It was up to one hour, on two days...

I haven't been mean or stingy at all, I paid her upfront for the first two weeks because she was short of money.. I'm paying her today not tomorrow on her request this week because she needs the money for her rent on 31st, I do try to accommodate her. Taking into account what others have said I will pay her the overtime hour from last week and explain that I should have paid it, but still she will have to get the chop, I think.

OP posts:

moogy1a · 31/01/2013 13:13

Could you possibly change your thread title?
CM's are qualified, registered, insured professionals who work in their own homes. What you have is a student doing some babysitting.
CM's seem to get enough stick without being mistaken for irresposible people who are nothing to do with the profession.

raspberryroop · 31/01/2013 13:24

Op - your paying a good rate for some flexibility and sound perfectly reasonable to me - lots of students with good qualifications who would bite your hands off for a nice little jobthat fits around studying !

FunnysInLaJardin · 31/01/2013 13:30

way over reaction to the 1 hour IMO. And yes she's a nanny/babysitter not a CM. But my CM is lovely and flexible and we sometimes need to chop and change plans ie DH might think he will be late picking up so we put her on notice but in the event he isn't. We would pay her for the extra time if we used it but she certainly wouldn't have an issue if we didn't need it in the end and wouldn't hear of us paying for it. I'd get rid

RedRidingChops · 31/01/2013 13:38

This person isn't a childminder. She's a nanny, or babysitter more likely. Childminding is a profession that requires qualifications, insurance, registered by a professional body. I just wanted to point that out! It's like complaining about your Dr when you mean the person who cleans the surgery!

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 31/01/2013 13:39

I think you were both unreasonable, if you had said you needed her for an extra 2 hours then you should have paid her for 2, it wasn't her fault she got sent home but she shouldn't have been rude. If I'm booked for babysitting and the family cancel at short notice I still charge them for 2 hours as usually it means I've had to turn down other work.

Yabvu to call her a childminder or a nanny she is a babysitter.

Yanbu to fire her as she obviously isn't capable of caring for your children in a safe and professional way

Scholes34 · 31/01/2013 13:39

OP - look at it from the other point of view. If your employer said you might need to work late, you'd have to make arrangements for someone to get home to your DCs. The fact that you might subsequently not be needed undo the need to make alternative plans.

When you start with your new nanny, be respectful of their time and needs and mutual respect will get the attitude from your employee that you're looking for.

My DS2 is just learning about serfdoms and the feudal system . . .

fromparistoberlin · 31/01/2013 13:51

TRIM HER life is too short, listen to your instincts

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