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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want her back.

105 replies

Ross86 · 30/01/2013 14:51

Ok..... I've never done this before! I am a guy..... And will receive much criticism and I deserve to do so! It's a long story but ill shorten it. Basically I am a 26 year old police officer who was in an amazing relationship with a midwife we had great jobs and a great relationship, I went off to training college and cheated! I know it was a scummy thing to do but please hear me out. I waited so long to get into the police and she stood by me all the way when I finally got in I changed for the worse I got so excited I lost sight of all my friends and my girlfriend. I now have no friends left and no girlfriend I'm not here for sympathy! Since loosing everyone I have changed and done a lot of growing up. I have not asked her back as I think she is seeing someone else! I've wanted to ask her back everyday but have waited until such a time I felt I was good enough to be with her! She always spoke highly of mums net and that's why I have come here to see if you guys think people can change! I would give up everything including the job I worked 5 years to get in to to have her back. I don't feel I deserve her but I know how happy we were and how well we worked.

OP posts:

YellowTulips · 30/01/2013 15:46

Have you changed? Really?

I mean, if you really cared about her would you not just be happy that she has found someone else and moved on?

She is not a possession you can "fight" for. You fucked up and she didn't put up with it. Expressions of regret 8 months later are simply the latter pages of the "the script".

Using a website forum you know she posts to is also a bit bloody creepy.

If she wanted anything to do with you she has had 8 months to get in touch. The fact she hasn't speaks volumes. She isn't missing you, she doesn't need you, she doesn't want you.

Amazing how the realisation that someone has moved on usually matches the timing of the "I realise I have been an idiot" statement.

Take a leaf out of her book. Leave her alone, grow up and move on yourself. Learn from what happened and stop behaving like a petulant "its all about me" moaning child.

LeucanTheMopsis · 30/01/2013 15:47

"she might ... remember the asshole she broke up with"

Well... yes. I think she might very well remember the man who didn't care enough to refrain from shagging someone else.

Maria33 · 30/01/2013 15:49

THe fat that you care doesn't stop you being an asshole.

I'm leaving now. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

ChasedByBees · 30/01/2013 15:50

I had an ex come back three months after we'd broken up to say he'd thought about it and wanted to get back together. I found it quite freaky - I'd moved on and the time to apologise and make amends had long passed. He kept on contacting me through my parents, the Internet etc. I got the police involved to tell him to stop harassing me. Be careful of how you progress here because if you are a police officer I can't imagine being in trouble for harassment going down well at work.

Sorry isn't always going to fix things. A bit of a hard lesson in life but if you were 'an animal' to her and your friends I'm not surprised they're not looking back.

I think you need to move on. The regret you feel now will be a good reminder not to act like a tool in the future.

What do you mean by acted like 'an animal' anyway?

Maria33 · 30/01/2013 15:51

Original poster

Ross86 · 30/01/2013 15:51

I'm not moaning! I've just come on here to find opinions that's all. You can judge but no one is perfect we go through life and at times will need those closest parents/friends/partners/family to forgive us at one time or another. I didn bury my head in the sand for a long time decided it was the world that was wrong and not me! Thought I could fight the world on my own and was strong enough but the world kicked back a lot harder than I kicked out at it! Sorry if it offends you that I feel like I have changed.

OP posts:

Fakebook · 30/01/2013 15:52

Omg!!!!'!!!!!11111111 You need to let go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

Narked · 30/01/2013 15:55

Boo hoo.

8 months have passed. She's moved on. You've had a road to Damascus moment. Great for you. No one else cares.

coraltoes · 30/01/2013 15:55

officer Coral reporting for duty. Ross, you have the right to remain silent and accept the following charges: 1 count of being unreasonable, 1 count of thinking with your penis, 1 count of needing to leave her alone.

Now jog on boy, there are criminals to catch in them there streets.

LeucanTheMopsis · 30/01/2013 15:56

Oh do stop talking drivel. Fighting the world indeed. You shagged about; that's not exactly fighting injustice or making your way in a harsh world, now is it?

YellowTulips · 30/01/2013 15:56

Maria33 - "I'm leaving now. It's like shooting fish in a barrel"

Never a truer word spoken. I am leaving too before I cringe to death.....

Losingexcessweight · 30/01/2013 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster

Ross86 · 30/01/2013 15:56

I won't harass her! Trust me I'm not like that. If she has moved on I will too! I'd just kick myself if there was a small chance we could be together and I didn't explore that possibility.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 30/01/2013 15:57

You sound like someone who's read too many self help books.

You made a mistake, you realise it, you regret it. That's fine. But your ex has moved on and is with someone else, so walk away. You did the wrong thing before, now do the right thing.

All this 'fighting for her' talk is bollocks. You can't make somebody want to be with you just because you've decided they're the one.

LeucanTheMopsis · 30/01/2013 15:58

"Trust me"

Original poster

Ross86 · 30/01/2013 15:58

Ok, the general opinion is leave her alone so I will. Thank you for your opinions

OP posts:

Cortana · 30/01/2013 15:59

"I've just come on here to find opinions that's all."

On the forum your ex uses? Not the thousands of other available.

The opinion seems to be you're a bit of a stalker and after 8 months you need to get a grip and move on.

Also you write like some cliche from a shit teen romance.
"Thought I could fight the world on my own"
"to be better myself as a person"
"strong enough now to deal with her rejection and also mature enough now to understand that rejection which is why I have waited till now"
FFS did you help write Twilight?

Although I hope your ex never sees this, if she does no doubt she'll be well aware that's she's best rid.

YABU.

MmmnoodlesoupIsDueXmasEve · 30/01/2013 16:03

Oh op, you came to the wrong place!

IrnBruChew · 30/01/2013 16:05

coraltoes

I think you're being very selfish op. yes you've seen the error of your ways but leave the poor woman alone. I'm sure if she had any sort of feelings left (which I highly doubt) she would have been in touch by now.

Original poster

Ross86 · 30/01/2013 16:06

I wish I wrote twilight! I'd be a richer man!! Look your all probably write that's why I came here to get some perspective thank you all. Ill leave it if it was meant to be maybe it will happen one day but I will move on and leave her be.

OP posts:

StrawberryMojito · 30/01/2013 16:07

If I were you OP I'd get this thread deleted. It is a blatant attempt to contact her but on a public forum. If she were to take offence at her private life being made public she could make a complaint to your employer and then you may find yourself in the grim situation of not having a job or girlfriend.

IrnBruChew · 30/01/2013 16:08

I thought you came here to try and find her so she can read this thread and fall madly in love with you all over again...

Original poster

Ross86 · 30/01/2013 16:09

I don't know how to delete it! I've got her details I'd contact her direct if needed

OP posts:

StrawberryMojito · 30/01/2013 16:10

Press report and send a message to MNHQ.

cupcake78 · 30/01/2013 16:11

You cheated because the people you were training with have you the excuse and opportunity to do it! It could have been any profession, any training course but it just happens to be the police force. Tbh this is irrelevant.

You ever heard of the saying 'don't go back to cold cabbage'?

Move on op, learn your lesson, accept the regret and aim to become a better person. Find a new girlfriend and treat her with the respect she deserves.

Whether you realise it or not you are feeling sorry for yourself. Life can be tough, your job must have taught you that.

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