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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what SAHM,s with kids at school do with their days?

453 replies

totallyfrazzled · 29/01/2013 22:53

I am mainly a SAHM but both my children are now school age. I do work PT, but as I work freelance my work days are erratics so I often find myself being a SAHM for a full week. Despite the fact that I do work, albeit slightly randomly, I find that I cannot give myself credit for the multiple tasks that I perform in anyone day at home....getting the DC's dressed and ready for school, driving them to school, clearing up the breakfast chaos, making the beds, doing the shopping, blah blah blah, preparing the evening meal, collecting the DC's, getting thru the homework, etc etc etc. i seem to be able to fill a whole day with domestic drudgery and still I am treading water, i.e. I am keeping everything at a status quo rather than actually achieving anything. I feel duty bound to keep on with domestic duties whilst not actually in renumerative employ. I feel guilty doing otherwise.Wondering if any one anyone else is in the same boat?

OP posts:

PeppermintLatte · 02/02/2013 00:24

clippedphoenix i thought you worked part time? If you do, then i don't understand your last post?

I'm all for SAHM's if you can afford it as a family and it works for you. What i'm not all for, is SAHM's who act all self righteous and look down their nose at mother's who have to work and can't always be their for the kid's at the school gates at 3pm. It's heartbreaking enough for some women who desperately want to be at home for their babies, but wouldn't be able to afford to feed them if they were, without those in a more fortunate position acting all smug and self righteous, making the mother who works feel guilty.

Permanentlyexhausted · 02/02/2013 00:25

Oh dear, Clippedphoenix, oh, dear!

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 00:27

This reply has been deleted

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PeppermintLatte · 02/02/2013 00:30

I'm sure no mother works outside of the home 24/7 clippedphoenix 37 hours to keep a roof over said childs head, maybe, but not 24/7.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 00:32

Bring it on worra..

I totally support stay at home mums. i totally support part-time mums. i totally support full time working mums that have a huge support system, as in a gran or a husband at home to do the other bit.

I don't support a woman that has a baby and doesn't do the looking after and farms them out. Why have one?

This thread was suggesting that a full time mum was lazy.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 00:34

here we go.

Nutters

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 00:36

Are you being a bit silly peppermit? as in taking things litterally as in the words not the meaning?

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase · 02/02/2013 00:38

I've been a SAHM mum for the last three years, before that I was a high flyer, earning three times what DP was, yet still doing all the stuff Had to stop after a nervous breakdown, caused almost certainly by not taking any maternity leave and dragging newborn babies to work with me.

Being a SAHM didn't suit me. I was passionately relieved when DD started school. For a few weeks the house was immaculate. Then I decided 'sod it'. And I wrote an 85,000 word novel that I'm about to tout around. The house is filthy, the garden is a state, I've just about kept on top of laundry, washing up and shovelling food into the family. Fukkit. I'm doing what I think I ought to do, and DP has been hugely supportive. (Still wishing I had a cleaner, a cook and an au pair).

PeppermintLatte · 02/02/2013 00:38

clipped what if, hypothetically, a woman finds herself pregnant, partner leaves her once child is born, she has no family local or her family all work and can't help with childcare? And she finds she has to work full time or she can't pay her rent/mortgage, feed her kid etc.. What other option does she have but to "farm her kid out to a nursery?"

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2013 00:43

"Bring it on Worra??"

I feel as though I've just stepped on to the Jerry Springer show.

Are you going to follow that up with a click of your fingers in a 'Z' shape and move your head like a pigeon?

Yes there have been some suggestions that 'full time Mums' (whatever that means) are lazy but so what?

Are you so uncomfortable with your choice that you feel the need to insult WOHMs?

They're still full time Mums you know, just like you and I.

Uhh huh girlfriend.... >

PeppermintLatte · 02/02/2013 00:44

Worra

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2013 00:47

Or possibly Harry Hill's TV Burp....

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2013 00:56

YY but this is all about your 'choice' isn't it?

Do you accept that some people don't have that choice and actually that makes them a fucking excellent parent because they're taking responsibility for providing for the child they brought into this world?

Do you also accept that some parents just aren't like you and that they need to work for their own sanity?

Not '24/7' because no-one works those hours.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 01:00

Yes of course i accept things. I don't however insult people because of my views. I do however question parents that have to get away from their children as much as possible due to their own "sanity"? then i would say they should'nt have had them.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 01:03

My child also became more important than me.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2013 01:09

Do you not think this is 'insulting people because of your views'?

Us homemakers and carers end our days knowing we did the right thing by bringing children into this world, not farming them out and actually unfashionably looking after them ourselves

People who choose to work for their own sanity, do so more many reasons...at least that's what I've gathered from being on MN for nearly 2yrs.

There are parents here with kids who have SN, with kids who are just very difficult to handle 24/7, parents who live in tiny cramped conditions, parents who feel they've worked so very hard in their careers that they don't feel giving it all up is in their or their DCs best interests at all.

If you still say they shouldn't have had them, then fair enough that's your opinion.

But why you get the hump when someone doesn't agree with you is beyond me.

You have said you'd rather live on benefits...well there are plenty of parents for whom that would be a definite no-no.

Horses for courses.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 01:13

This thread wasn't about that though was it?

It isn't about parents that have SEN children, why are you doing this?

I also don't have the hump.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 01:16

Why on earth does every thread have to encompass the millions when its not necessary? Sticking to a topic would be good.

Narked · 02/02/2013 01:23

I wouldn't leave a goldfish with my MIl. How is a random grandparent a better option than a trained nanny?

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 01:24

I stated what i do and what i believe is right, which is compromise where a child is concerned.

My child was more important than me the minute he was born and I centred my life around him, not the other way and that in my opinion is the way it should be.

If you choose to argue with that worra then up to you.

FreudiansSlipper · 02/02/2013 01:26

I am one of those parents that got bored being at home (as explained before I like to have more structure, I get lazy when I do not have much that I have to do) ds went to nursery all day 3 days a week at 21/2 and loved it I went to work and studied. He is now at school I still study and work and soon he shall be going to after school club a few days a week

I manage to sleep very well and we are both very happy and ds is a very secure confident little boy

are you the better parent or I? I am not sure I do not really care and that really is for our children to answer when they are older how well we have done but in the meantime most are doing what they feel is best in their situation

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 01:27

A trained nanny? nah. Not good enough.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/02/2013 01:30

I am of the opinion that the best person for their child is their mother and i won't ever be told different. All day with another person isn't good enough for that child, never will be.

Narked · 02/02/2013 01:31

But a grandparent is because they're genetically linked to the child????

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