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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use dd's birthday gift cards on myself?

302 replies

Lira · 26/01/2013 20:58

DD (5) recently had a birthday and a giant party. She got a loads of presents from family (grandparents always spoil her rotten), and ended up with either presents/money/giftcards from her school friends that came to her party.

She doesn't need a single thing. She's got clothes for the next year, and a stack of vouchers from Christmas to get her new clothes and shoes when she eventually does need them. She doesn't need any new toys/books etc either.

My house is swimming in toys that haven't even been opened since her party 3 weeks ago.

My Hoover died today. So i was thinking of using 3 of the Argos vouchers she got (£30 worth) to help buy a new one. They expire by December anyway, and i can't see her needing anything from Argos before then.

I couldn't bring myself to touch her birthday money, however, as that can always be saved.

My friend reckons i should just 'borrow' the cards and pay dd the £30 back when i can.

But i honestly don't think she'll miss them and shouldn't feel obliged to 'owe' dd back in too much of a hurry.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 11:10

Ha lafaminute

From someone who has no qualms about stealing, that is a very funny statement. You assuming others are lying because of your own questionable morals...

HyvaPaiva · 27/01/2013 11:11

I'm really shocked by the agreement on here that this is fine. It's not! Give her the £30 right now, the vouchers are yours. Sometimes as a teenager I'd get vouchers for shops I didn't like, so mum would buy them from me, a direct cash for vouchers arrangement. That's fine. Otherwise, stop it. That's such a shame. I don't care if she doesn't need anything: on principle, it belongs to her. What does that teach her? If you want it, take it? You wouldn't do this to a 30yr old daughter would you? But because she's little it doesn't matter? Hmm

Indith · 27/01/2013 11:13

By the way I often borrow from my ds1, not £30 as he doesn't have that much but change for parking and stuff. I ask, he rolls his eyes and gives me his best "you daft mummy" look and says yes. He knows I always pay it back.

Viviennemary · 27/01/2013 11:13

I think it's wrong to do this. I wouldn't be pleased if my gift voucher or money was spent on a hoover.

DizzyHoneyBee · 27/01/2013 13:03

Lafaminute, how do you know? I, and no doubt many other MNers, have never stolen from my children (or anybody else for that matter).

Have you?

As for whether or not the OP is stealing, the theft act of 1968 states:

"A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it"

So, I ask: Has the OP asked her daughter if she can have the vouchers? Has the OP got the intention of returning the money to her daughter? If not, then it is theft.

whatyoulookinat · 27/01/2013 13:13

Can't believe some of the reactions here. Of course ynbu. You are buying a Hoover not exactly a treet but an essential item. I've used some of my ds's money for new shoes, clothes etc for them as they have plenty of toys.
if you feel guilty just pay her back when you can.

freddiefrog · 27/01/2013 13:17

YANBU if you give her the cash back at some point.

DD1 got £20 New Look voucher for her birthday, our local one is crap with a tiny kids section and she couldn't find anything she wanted.

I spent the voucher, and owed her the cash, which she's since had back in spades.

JeanPaget · 27/01/2013 13:18

Wow, I'm really shocked so many people think this is ok.

Not only are you stealing from you daughter but I imagine the people who gave the voucher's to your daughter (not to you!) would be furious. I know I would be. Your poor daughter Sad

FadBook · 27/01/2013 13:48

I'm shocked at how many people think that this ISN'T ok to do Grin

I bet the OP feeds and cares for her dd in the best possible way; perhaps they have day trips, treats at the shops and an ice cream every now and then. They may even go on holiday once a year, have new clothes each season. Where does the money come from to pay for these kind of things?

The money received now pays for these kind of treats throughout the year.

My dd was spoilt with lots of presents and money for her birthday last year and Xmas last month. It all got lumped together with my money and dp's money. As and when she needs something, she gets it.

I know that the people that chose to give money, did so knowing I would make the right choice for dd and/or my family, and that dd would some how benefit from our choice.

Last summer we were on holiday for her birthday. Some of her bday money paid for our day trips, a nice meal out, a bucket and spade. It's all relevant. She had a fantastic time with lots of memories, that's priceless. I know a family member who gave us some money has always said if it pays for coffee and cake while dd is in a ball pool then it's an experience isn't it.

It's ridiculous that some of you on here are accusing the op of stealing?? A Hoover is a necessary household item that without, would mean her dd living in a messy and eventually dirty house, compared to a clean and germ free house.

I think this is the first time a thread has wound me up.

Op - get the hoover, ignore those that make you feel guilty for doing the right thing.

Virgil · 27/01/2013 13:49

We bought our house by raiding the DCs savings accounts. We needed every penny.

Given that we put most of it in there in the first place I didn't lose any sleep over it.

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 13:52

For those who don't think it's theft, would you expect an older child, who has an understanding of the concept of money and what they can do with it, to hand over their gift cards?

REally, a gift for a child to buy a family meal????

Love the justification of stealing your daughters money for a meal! Priceless

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 13:53

Also, please answer the other question about other family members and their money too. Elderly relative etc.. is that ok to take?

Why is it ok to take it from a small child?

PickledInAPearTree · 27/01/2013 13:55

Buy the Hoover, give back the thirty pound at some point into savings, not a big deal if you ask me.

For Christmas a lot if my family gave md and ds joint money and said treat you both, I ended up putting most if it in savings for him. Kid is 2 and has more cash than me this month! I also save into an isa for him.

So I wouldn't feel guilty at all about it.

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 13:55

The money received now pays for these kind of treats throughout the year

So effectively saying that it's other people's generosity means yours and others DC gets those treats!

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 13:56

Buy the Hoover, give back the thirty pound at some point into savings, not a big deal if you ask me

Agree totally with this. Many of us have said just this. But she doesn't want to put it back and doesn't think she should have to.

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 13:57

Just a question here, at what point does your childs money, become 'their' money?

Virgil · 27/01/2013 13:58

As well as raiding the DCs accounts to buy our house I also spent a toysrus voucher of DS1's at Christmas on a present I had to buy for another child.

DCs have masses of toys and really do not need anymore. In using the voucher I saved money from the household funds. Plus the voucher would have expired anyway before DS got to the Point of needing toys.

If he was lacking in toys I would have taken him to toysrus and let him spend it. As it is we can't move for plastic tat.

I am their parent. I make purchasing decisions. I monitor the amount of toys/sweets etc they have. It is completely different from an adult who makes their own purchasing decisions.

PickledInAPearTree · 27/01/2013 14:00

I would put it back when I was more flushed - didn't op say she would but not for a bit?

When ds gets cash I spend it on everyday stuff and transfer it into his account at some point online S it's easier.

PickledInAPearTree · 27/01/2013 14:01

I can see both sides here.

When Virgil shuffles off her mortal coil the kids will get the house.

I'm sure these things all even out over time.

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 14:01

virgil so if they don't need more, why accept the gifts for them in the first place?

Yes the voucher would have expired. If you used it to buy another child a present then you should give your son the monetary equivalent because you took money given to him meant for him and used it for yourself.

It's theft.

Virgil · 27/01/2013 14:07

I put £500 into each of their savings accounts every month. He has enough.

And you would seriously refuse to allow your child to accept a gift from a friend because he has enough. Ridiculous (and rude) and I don't believe you would do it. And whilst we are at it, is re gifting theft too then?

He's a minor, I'm responsible for his money. I make the decisions which best benefit the household. The OP should buy her Hoover.

SilveryMoon · 27/01/2013 14:11

I've done similar OP
My parents put £50 in birthday cards for ds's and also buy them a gift to open.
The £50 is to go into their CTF accounts.
The year before last (so ds1's 3rd birthday)
I'd gone to the supermarket before my parents were due to arrive. I got to the checkout, and my card was declined.
I checked both bank accounts and both were dry. Credit card maxed out and a trolley filled with a weeks worth of food.
I had to take that £50 (and more from my parents) so we could eat that week.
Tough times.
I have since, put the £50 in ds1's CTF account.

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 14:11

Everything given to my children, remains their property!

I have never regifted one of their toys, in place of buying one myself. Ever.

If someone asked me what my children wanted and I felt they had enough, I would tell them as such and say it was up to them what they bought but not to worry about anything specifically.

Any cash given, would go into their piggy bank or into their account (as opposed to my account for them)

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 14:12

virgil at what point do you think it would be unacceptable to take your DS's many? How old?

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2013 14:12

money not many