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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not appreciate the way the dentist spoke to me?

58 replies

littlemisssunny · 24/01/2013 12:24

I do have pmt at the moment so it might be me who is being unreasonable!

I changed to an nhs dentist last year, and the dentist I saw was lovely, talked things through etc. I had a temporary crown in December and booked an appt for jan to have the crown fitted.

I had to rearrange twice as I had flu and then vertigo (rang up in time and explained, no problem) then I rang on the day of my next appt to check the time as I hadn't had a text reminder, to be told the new dentist (same surgery, but dentist i saw first time had left) doesn't work that day and I should of had a letter to arrange, so I just rebooked, a bit annoyed but didn't complain as I get nervous about the dentist and was glad to get out of it!!

Anyway I went today and told them I hadn't been brushing my teeth as much as I should as I was laid up with flu and vertigo and struggled to get up to even go to the toilet.

She had a right go at me when she had finished saying I need to brush my teeth even when I'm ill otherwise I could get gum disease. It wasn't what she said it was the way she said it. I know I need to brush my teeth and again explained why I hadn't.

I left then as I didn't want to say anything as I was upset.

I have to go back for a filling in a couple of weeks and an dreading it already. The dental nurse was lovely and I think a bit embarassed for me.

I am thinking about asking to change dentists after my filling as they have lots there.

So do I need to get a grip or was she being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Numberlock · 24/01/2013 12:32

Aah, you've also had an encounter with the mouth police!

Theicingontop · 24/01/2013 12:35

Well what she said was reasonable, how was her tone? If my dentist said that to me in a professional manner I'd have been a bit embarrassed, but I'd have brushed it off. If she'd said it in a rude, condescending way I'd have been annoyed.

When you say 'a right go' do you mean rude, raising her voice, what?

merlottits · 24/01/2013 12:36

It wasn't what she said it was the way she said it

That sums up PMT doesn't it?

I hate dentists, rich judgemental nobbers. My dentist has halitosis!

dexter73 · 24/01/2013 12:36

My dentist used to be like this. It actually made me laugh to myself as she would give me a right telling off sometimes and she is only in her late twenties! I think people must have complained about her as she did get a lot better and wasn't so condescending and bossy after a while, and she was actually a very good dentist. Just ignore her strops.

TheCraicDealer · 24/01/2013 12:39

I had a similar run-in with my dentist a year ago when I went back after a three year absence. She was not happy and I was very upset when I left. However, the next time I went she was fine and very much had the attitude "right, let's get this sorted for you".

From their point of view, they must get bloody sick of hearing the same excuses as to why people haven't been looking after their teeth properly over and over again, then having to try and patch them up! Also I sympathise with people seeming overly harsh- I know I can be like that, even though I really really don't mean it. I just don't realise when I do the tone IYKWIM.

If she's like that again, ask to see another dentist the next time. And if they ask, tell them you didn't like the way she spoke to you.

Original poster

littlemisssunny · 24/01/2013 12:39

She was very condescending and rude, I had explained why I hadn't brushed them much already. I know what she said is true and I don't mind her saying it, she just wasn't professional about it.

Perhaps I should just go crawl under a rock so noone can offend me

OP posts:

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems · 24/01/2013 12:41

Well YABU to not clean your teeth regularly when you're ill since by not doing so you have to see the dentist more often and I hate the dentist so take all available measures to keep my teeth in good condition They should have sent you a text to let you know your appointment needed to be rebooked

Numberlock · 24/01/2013 12:41

They could also look at it that's their (extremely well-paid) job to do this.

nickelbabe · 24/01/2013 12:46

i don't think they should get nasty about it, or pissed off.

I went to the dentist for the first time in about 8 years (on an emergency appointment) a few years ago and the dentist was lovely.
I hadn't been for so long because my "temporary" filling had dropped out on the same day it was fitted and I didn't dare go back.

I wasn't told off or made to feel crap, I was treated like any normal person who had been taking good care of their teeth and visiting every 6 months.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 24/01/2013 12:47

I agree, number. My dentist is lovely, but the hygenist is really, really rude.

TheCraicDealer · 24/01/2013 12:47

True, but if I were in their position it would be refreshing to hear "Sorry, I'm lazy and don't floss or brush twice a day. Please sort me out".

Not you though, OP! Hope you're feeling better.

ShatnersBassoon · 24/01/2013 12:47

My dentist is very blunt and doesn't try to disguise her disappointment when I need treatment. She's Latvian, and claims she hasn't yet learnt how to be factual and kind at the same time, but I think she just gets sick of crappy patients like me and doesn't care if we go away feeling like naughty children.

Don't take it personally.

Numberlock · 24/01/2013 12:55

Also, given the fact that there is no such thing as free dental care anymore along with the financial problems of many people in this country, it's hardly surprising that people don't go/can't afford to visit the dentist. They can think what they like when you've left the treatment room, it's just poor customer service and bad manners to be rude to your patients.

How many of us in our jobs would get away with speaking to customers like this?

dippywhentired · 24/01/2013 12:55

Maybe she had PMT too! Seriously, dentists are people like everybody else, and whilst we should be professional at all times, sometimes having to tell somebody the same thing for the 20th time that day (having seen that you had the same discussion 6 months' ago), can get a little wearing! But yes, we are all 'rich, judgemental nobbers', so take no notice of me .

Startail · 24/01/2013 12:58

Dentists are a bit pompous, I think it's a qualification for the job.

Original poster

littlemisssunny · 24/01/2013 13:13

I did apologise though and think I had a valid reason. I know they probably get tired of hearing excuses but I apologized and was honest, I knew I should have been brushing and I said that, so it's not like I wasn't admitting it.

I work in retail and certainly don't feel like being nice all the time, especially if people are nasty but I have to be nice cos its my job, even if I don't agree with what they are saying!

OP posts:

Numberlock · 24/01/2013 13:16

I don't think you need to feel guilty (or apologise). All dentists may not be rich, judgemental nobbers, put I'm sure even dippy would agree that a bit of PR wouldn't go amiss in the profession, especially given the large amounts of money that exchange hands, both in terms of treatment costs and salaries.

NorthernLurker · 24/01/2013 13:16

I think it's experience that shows. My (mature ) dentist is lovely. She knows damn well there's no point telling me off and she works with me.

LessMissAbs · 24/01/2013 13:18

Perhaps she was shocked? I must admit I do find it shocking when people don't brush their teeth twice a day. Are you elderly or do you have mobility problems? Do people really not brush their teeth because of having flu? When I was flat out with pneumonia, I still managed to get myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth!

Probably she allied it to the 3 missed appointments, she wouldn't have had time to check the reasons behind them.

I suspect her attitude was aimed more at giving you a shock into seeing the necessity of brushing your teeth, rather than being rude.

dippywhentired · 24/01/2013 13:19

No, you're right that she shouldn't have been rude to you. But, if she hadn't told you about poor oral hygiene leading to gum disease, then she wouldn't have been doing her job. So, if she was stroppy with you, then YANBU, but if it was your PMT that made you perceive her manner to be rude (rather than you just not wanting to hear it), YABU.

SouthernComforts · 24/01/2013 13:21

Arf at 'mouth police'

My new dentist made me laugh, I always get nice comments about my teeth, I'm lucky that they are naturally straight and white, but when he looked in my mouth he was really surprised and said "Oh, well these arn't desperately bad!"

Is that a compliment, or does he just see a lot of god awful teeth?

Numberlock · 24/01/2013 13:22

shocked? I'm sure she's seem worse things in people's gobs than a lack of brushing for a couple of days.

Original poster

littlemisssunny · 24/01/2013 13:23

less I had vertigo as well as flu so I couldn't even stand without feeling sick and like I was going to fall over, I do normally brush my teeth if I'm ill.

They weren't technically missed appts as I changed them within the time and 2 of them were when the old dentist was still there, and the 3rd was never actually booked as she didn't work that day.

Like I say I have no problem being told I need to brush and the consequences but just felt a bit like a naughty child being told off.

OP posts:

fubbsy · 24/01/2013 13:26

YANBU to not appreciate the way the dentist spoke to you. Even if it was just a misunderstanding and she was behaving professionally, it's still perfectly fine to change dentists if you were not happy. You don't have to give a reason.

coraltoes · 24/01/2013 13:26

When told "you haven't been flossing" I reply "no I haven't...keeps you in business though doesn't it?" and they always smile. Life is too short for dental floss!

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