to sometimes think that SAHMs are "living the dream" and really envy them

[Fizzler99]

Ok so I don't have kids yet.

I work ridiculously long hours (as in out the house 6.30am-8pm minimum and often work late nights and weekends too). I have a long commute each way (can't afford to live where I work as property so expensive) and the job is very, very high stress. I earn a decent wage, but I am quite junior so I'm not on mega-money despite what my friends and family seem to think

I don't intend to keep this job forever, but I need to establish myself in my choosen career then I can hopefully 'down-grade' to something less stressful.

One of my colleagues has just given up work to become a SAHM. It just sounds like living the dream. No more waiting on cold station platforms for delayed trains at 6.30am, no more hideous commute, no more stressful job and nagging boss and office politics, no more late night working and surviving on takeaway or the contents of the office vending machine for weeks at a time. I am so jealous!

Please give me a much-needed reality check. Please tell me the reality of being a SAHM. For those of you that have gone from having a quite high-flying career to SAHM, please tell me how the two compare. I think I really need a reality check!

I totally understand you not leaving her to cry Beebies, I wouldn't either, regardless of the pain issues. There's a difference between a child looking for attention and one who is especially clingy who gets distraught. You just have to motor through the tough times in that situation unfortunately!

Cailin.

Just by doing what you are, you are starting your ds on the road to independant learning. When he is a bit bigger if you do things like baking and letting him help to measure ingredients and count you are starting maths.
I am a qualified teacher (FE) and from what I have experienced here and as a home edder these skills in a child should not be under estimated. I had 16/18 year olds who were unable to complete a task independantely without fuss.

hhhm about the joining clubs bit. Depends where you live, what your expenses would be etc eg i can't drive so i need to get taxi's everywhere and a lot of clubs cost money (swimming and stuff). Everyone i meet at groups talk non stop about their babies - i'm already bored thinking about how many times i got up in the night without hearing about someone else too.

Also depends on DH's. if your works away/long hours then you don't get much respite or help with chores.

Days being your own is not quite my experience, i seem to spend my days attending an endless stream of hosp/dr apps (due to birth injuries), baby clinic, jabs etc.

On the plus side, i don't give a monkeys about going to the loo in peace and always left the door open anyway :)

Unfortunately dh commutes and works long hours, he leaves at 7am and gets home between 8-10pm and bedtime is a strict 6pm as I NEED some me time
Although as dd1 hasnt been sleeping these last few days, I'm goin gto try letting her stay up till 7pm. I feel slightly envious at giving up an hour

I know it will get better, I tell myself that daily. I look back over the past 12 months since dd2 was born and can see how much easier it is now (and often wonder how I got through it). I'm an avid follower of the mantra, this too will pass.

morethanpotatoprints - I so agree with you that the foundations of learning are set at home. As parents, we can teach our DC so many skills that school just won't have the time or resources to cover.

'living the dream'

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

MrsKoala - it takes a while to get past the endless baby talk at groups. You have to persist and try to get to the point with a few people where you can talk about other things - it does happen! My playgroup friends and I barely mention our kids (unless there's something big going on) and have plenty to talk about. I don't go to clubs or swimming lessons or anything - they're expensive and not really worth it IMO.

Beebies - I am lucky that DH is usually home by 6. It makes a huge difference, and I do find the days when he is out later harder. Once he gets in DS is all over him so I get peace until bedtime :)

oooh I just remembered, I do get 3 hours a week to myself! Its when I drop my girls off with my mum, drive to my psycho therapy appointment (1 hour) throw every thing at her (1 hour) then drive home again (1 hour)

I live for those 3 hours

I work part time. I am living the dream [GRIN]

Having worked full time in a stressful job sounding very much like the OPs, and had a year on maternity leave looking after baby twins, mostly alone as no family nearby, I can hand on heart say being an SAHM was much much easier for me. Probably because my babies slept well and are generally a pleasure to be around. I know its different for everyone.

The novelty of constant plagroups, coffee mornings and discussions about poo soon wore off though. I think part time is the way forward - I still get to spend time with my babies on Mondays and Fridays (and weekends) and I still hang on to my career.

By the way, most WOHM are still on duty 24/7. I get up at 6am so I can shower and get ready before they wake. I get in from work around 6.30, bath babies and put to bed, then start on cooking, laundry, housework, online supermarket shopping etc. If the babies wake in the night I don't have some supernanny waiting to deal with them - I am still a parent even though not there all day every day.

:) Once a week as soon as DH gets in I go up for a loooooong bath and DH is under strict instructions not to let DS anywhere near me for the evening until it's time for a hug and kiss before bed. I read a book, it is just lovely. Simple things, eh :)

well ds is only 4mo so there aren't many groups to go to yet. i go to one but one person is a pain - very competitive and repetitive and even a bit unpleasant sometimes (but you get that everywhere i know - she's putting off the nice people tho and we don't want to exclude her as i hate that kind of hurtful exclusion). The other group near me is on at 9-11am and ds sleeps then - so as i've usually been up all night i take advantage of some sleep.

don't get me wrong it's the best job i've ever had, but if you don't have friends and fam near it can be lonely. DH works abroad a lot so there are weeks when i don't speak to another adult (apart from mn!).

" No matter how full on a job is, it could never be as RELENTLESS as being a SAHM. Recently we all had the norovirus. Can you imagine changing bed sheets eight times in one night whilst trying not to vomit yourself? "
Hope you're all better. I o take issue with this though. What do you think Peking parents do when they or their children are sick?

I worked part time (up to 3 jobs at one point), spent my mornings off pottering around the shops or going to the gym etc etc meeting up with friends. I didn't have a fantastic career or earn a huge wage but it was good enough and for me, that was living the dream. We even had 2 holidays a year.

I'm now a sahm. Do not underestimate the enormous effect that hormones can have on a mother. Depths of despair, complete and utter exhaustion - sleep deprivation is a form of torture you know!

Ceevee - I do wonder a bit about SAHMs who complain about housework and night wakings - WOHMs have to do that too don't they? I suspect the issue is not actually the housework or night wakings but the fact that because they are SAHMs their partners view these things as entirely their job and so they never get any break from them, resulting in them feeling like a worn out drudge. I never understand why SAHMs put up with being up 5/6 times a night (with a non-bf child) while their working partner sleeps - that is totally unfair in my book. Staying at home doesn't mean you can suddenly do without sleep. DH has always shared nights with me, since DS was born plus he also does a reasonable share of housework. I am on duty 8-6 while DH is out of the house, but once he is in the house we are both on duty. I certainly don't work 24/7 or anywhere near it.

oh god. we got norovirus recently, and my pelvic floor is not what it used to be, so as well as everything else, every time i vomitted i peed too. All duvets had to be chucked and i had to shampoo the stinking carpets while wretching - oh the glamour! this would have happened had i been working tho so i can't blame being a sahm, i do however blame the fezzers at the doctors surgery spreading it about.

i agree Cailin, however, i think if someone has to drive or do something which needs a lot of attention, it is usual to expect the sahp to do nights. Altho i need sleep, i can function at home on zombie mode. it wouldn't be safe for some to go out to work like that.

I agree to an extent MrsKoala, although I do think it's possible even for partners who are in demanding jobs to help with nights - most adults can function on 6 hours sleep easily enough, which means that the SAHM can go to bed for a few hours while the partner stays up till 12/1 with the child, then the SAHM takes over while the partner sleeps till 7 (depending on work patterns of course). It's madness for the SAHM to get 2 hours sleep while her partner gets 8. No one can function on months and months of never getting a full night's sleep - psychologically it's torturous.

142 very detailed and helpful replies and the OP has not come back to say thank you for the"reality check" she asked for. Bad form OP.

There are plenty of men who are in office jobs and still claim to need a full night's sleep (as in 8 hours) - that's just bollocks IMO.

SPB and CailinDana - exactly! Not sure why SAHMs think that WOHMs can just sit around all evening and that our DCs won't get ill.
In fact probably more likely to pick up bugs from nursery/childminders whereever.

And I know it can be hard at home all day but I had 4.5 hrs sleep due to DTs teething, and I still had to be up at 6am, dressed and out of the door, be on the top of my game in a technically demanding job (can't afford to make mistakes and have people at work thinking I've lost my brain power) and then get home and start all over again. Roll on Friday!

I would imagine she's busy at work Jessie

LOL - don't forget those working full-time with kids who are on their own like me! (Since we're getting a bit competitive. )

Doesn't matter how shit the nights are, or how shit everything is - like when the childminder says she is ill, or the after-school club has to close early, or you get a call in the middle of a meeting saying they think DC1 has broken his arm, there is just little old me to do ALL of it!

And yes, I really, really do envy SAHMs, because in my world it is a luxury to be a SAHM. Unless I win the lottery I will never work part-time or be a SAHM. I love my job, but I'd love to be at home a bit more too for the DCs but also for me!

I only skimmed read so sure others have said this already but being a SAHM is WORK! - I have been back at work (full time) after having my son about 1.5 years now - I had 7 months off work when he was first born and it was very tiring - I think it depends on the person/child perhaps but the key difference is that in the office I get to decide for yself what I want to do - eg if I want a cup of tea and a quick chat or surf on the internet I can - with a baby you cant always just do what you want when you want and a job finishes when you leave the office (ignoring the BB on the train home!) but a SAHM never stops her work.

If I could I would have taken more time off work wqith my son but it sounds the dream but long days cleaning and no one to talk to is NOT that exciting though would concede during warmer weather when your child is in a routine so that you can get out and about it can be nice.

Yes, it's jolly nice. I had to laugh at the idea of someone describing it as stressful. My blood pressure's now so low I sometimes fall over. I had a fairly high pressure job before. But it's not for everyone and it's not something you can realistically do forever.

Disclaimer - I only have one child (a toddler), i get plenty of sleep, my DH is supportive and helpful and I do a bit of freelance work and some study too.