to sometimes think that SAHMs are "living the dream" and really envy them

[Fizzler99]

Ok so I don't have kids yet.

I work ridiculously long hours (as in out the house 6.30am-8pm minimum and often work late nights and weekends too). I have a long commute each way (can't afford to live where I work as property so expensive) and the job is very, very high stress. I earn a decent wage, but I am quite junior so I'm not on mega-money despite what my friends and family seem to think

I don't intend to keep this job forever, but I need to establish myself in my choosen career then I can hopefully 'down-grade' to something less stressful.

One of my colleagues has just given up work to become a SAHM. It just sounds like living the dream. No more waiting on cold station platforms for delayed trains at 6.30am, no more hideous commute, no more stressful job and nagging boss and office politics, no more late night working and surviving on takeaway or the contents of the office vending machine for weeks at a time. I am so jealous!

Please give me a much-needed reality check. Please tell me the reality of being a SAHM. For those of you that have gone from having a quite high-flying career to SAHM, please tell me how the two compare. I think I really need a reality check!

im going to contradict myself now as just remembered a scenario from a few months back where a friend who is a SAHM (one child, cleaner) sent me a list of things and food she wanted me to do/cook for her child's birthday party - becuase she had no time - I was abit (hmm) about that! as having said I can do what I want at the office I do mean for 10 mins at a time and from 9-5.30 I am confined to that place!

did think cheeky mare - apparantly it was becuase Im so organised - well yes I have to be out of the house every day by 6.30!

cheeese's post is good!

And bless you OP thinking your hours are long - you'll be in for a shock once you realise that you can NEVER clock off

Not sure what the point of the op is. Some women love being SAHM and prefer it to being a WOHM. Some women love being a mum and working too. There is no one size fits all

You could stop working and be a sap (stay at home person) as long as you can fund it.

Personally I think being a sahp or anyone not working through choice is a luxury.

Some sahp are there though not through choice but due to childcare costs.

I took vol redundancy as my package was a years wage so had a year with ds and now looking for work - would rather stay with ds but needs must.

I put my DS on the bus at 7.30 this morning, went home had breakfast and went back to sleep. Woke at 11 and went to the gym, had lunch at the gym. Came home did housework and prepared evening meal.

Life of Riley

Ps I was with my last employer for 11 years during which I had a 4 year period of working 7am till 9/10 at night and weekends at certain times - it's hard but you are being paid :) however I have definitely found having a baby far harder! I got landed with a (beautiful) non sleeping baby I haven't had more than a few hours sleep in single unbroken chunk in 2 years - seriously it's like some sort of endurance test. So while it has been lovely spending this time with him it hasn't been a breeze - I wanted to do it as he is only young once hey - bit stressed looking for a job now but it was worth it :)

Let's not forget that if you do decide to go for the parenting job, it might not turn out to be the parenting job you thought you were ready for. My life is unrecognisable from 10 years ago, with 2 boys with SN. Love them to bits, but it's hardly living the dream.

I felt exactly like you OP before I had DS. I worked pretty long hours and was quite stressed at work, although I loved my job. I was soooo jealous of SAHMs and always thought it was what I would want to do.

After a year of maternity I was gagging to get back to work! It really is not all its cracked up to be. Its not really all that stressful at all, but for me that was part of the problem, I felt my brain going dead! I think that I would find being a full time SAHM totally unfulling and boring. I suppose if I knew I would be doing it full time long term, I would probably start running a toddler group or something like that to keep me occupied but still, it can just be a bit soul destroying I think. Some people are great SAHMs but I am not! I now work 3 days a week and that is perfect for me.

I think if you are in a high flying career now, you may find the transition to full time SAHM a bit tricky, but everyone is different.

Hahahahaha ahahaha
living the dream?
Do you know anyone who's dream it is to be elbow deep in poo, rocking a colicy screaming baby?
Don't get me wrong I love being a sahm but its not living the life, I haven't slept for longer than 2hours at a time for 5months.

It depends on lots of things, to include: number of children, timeframe between each one, finances, special needs, wider support circle. SAH is very difficult.

Wow op gets to stand quietly while waiting for her train with no one running riot or embarassing her or screaming or whinging or rubbing snot on her clothes. Bliss!

I am a SAHM. I love my dc and am glad to be here, but I would NEVER describe it as 'living the dream'.

Maybe if my husband was v rich and we could afford help and I could spend all day shopping and getting manicures, etc...

As it is, constant cleaning, feeding and playing is not very glamourous!

I love being a SAHM. I can be there all the time for the DC and put them first most of the time and feel very close to them. I struggled when working full time juggling everything and felt I was missing out. I like going to all their school events and feel liberated from the competitiveness some of my friends have. I like that it is stress free if we have a snow day etc or kids are ill. Time is my own rather than someone elses. With 5 DC there is always plenty to do so i don't get bored ever. Plus I study 16 hours a week and volunteer also. Of course there is a downside such as loss of career etc and financial risks but I love it so it is worth the risks.

This is not living the dream. Not today.

Play groups are full of competitivemums and there is no conversation about anything except dc. Boring !

I hardly think being a SAHM would be living the dream. The very thought. It might be preferable to tearing round worrying about childminders nannies and nurseries and so on but living the dream. No.

I am a SAHM. At the moment it feels like living the dream as my DCs are turning into quite sweet little boys and entertain themselves a bit. However, I remember the sleepless nights; the tantrums of DS1 and how long the days felt when I didn't get a rest - more like a living nightmare than a dream.

Living the dream (IMVHO) is going back to school/university when you are in your late 20s or 30s. Nothing better than a second childhood when you are old enough to appreciate it!

spanky2 - agree about the competitive mums. Some of them are so competitive and not just about their DCs. At DCs school they compete over children, holidays, how busy they are and there is also a trend towards how thin. It is so tedious.

At the moment, dear OP, everything is about YOU. YOU are tired, YOU are working hard, YOU, YOU, YOU.

Once you have kids, being YOU is a luxury, something you have to fight for....something you vaguely remember...if you envisage that staying at home would give YOU a better quality of life, please think again....it pretty much becomes ME, ME, ME....yelled at top volume...with no off button, aged 0 to probably 18....oh, they don't give you lunch hour to do the shopping or emails.....6.30, you'll learn quickly, is a very reasonable hour...

I am not wired to be a stay at home mum. I cram a full time job (with commute) into four days, then I become a stay at home mum for the remaining 3 days of the week, for lunches, Boden online shopping, playdates and baking lol.

goldiehorn - I find it really weird when people say that they don't find being a SAHM fulfilling. Particularly as I found it exactly the opposite and I don't really understand how people don't find it fulfilling.

Before children start school you are their main source of education and everything they know about the world. I found this in itself a great opportunity to learn about things myself that I did not know about - I know all the trees that are in my local park, I have learnt all the planets and a little about the solar system, dinosaurs I could recite the names of and identify them in my sleep. We are now starting to learn about the human body.

Putting education aside, there is also emotional and social development. Everyone will probably mess up their children one way or another (by being over-controlling or not) but for me, I feel that if I make an effort to understand what children need then I will do a better job at not messing them up.

Oh, for one moment of peace - my youngest is currently leaning over the screen demanding to be fed like a bird. They never sit still at the table. It's been years of repeating the same lines. Sit. On. Your. Chair. Use. A. Fork. Yes, yes I should get off the computer but am just ekeing out a little me time whilst they eat. Why aren't they just eating? SAH parenting is groundhog day hell. I would do it again but it probably aged me.

Its easy to think that SAHM have a dream life, whilst not working sounds fab it does have its downsides. Being financially reliant on another adult for money, lack of adult company and being in the position that if things go wrong in the relationship then getting back into the job market can be very tough.

The grass always looks greener but rarely is.

Dilidali - your children are over-demanding of you on your days off because they don't see enough of you. When you are a FT SAHM, children don't demand all of you and you have plenty of me-time (much more than when working without DC).

Really, yummymummyreally? I agree I am her main source of education, but I am not a teacher. I decided to teach her what the school won't teach her....where I come from, kids don't go to school before 6-7, she's had the opportunity to learn about the solar system, maths etc, at school. I did not teach her to read, I taught her to love reading.
What I can't teach her here is how to interact with different ages, personalities, etc (very little family around, no millions of mustachoed aunties and mischivious cousins)...the nursery provided that for her, now the school, her friends, her clubs etc. I don't believe in helicopter parenting (I am not saying you do), I let her go, be puzzled, watch her trying to understand and then being there when she comes with the questions, dilemmas, scraped knees...that's where the emotional inteligence comes from. If she learnt all her social skills from me alone, I'd be a bit worried

Yeah, I suspect this was a thread created to sit back and watch the competitive defensiveness...