to sometimes think that SAHMs are "living the dream" and really envy them

[Fizzler99]

Ok so I don't have kids yet.

I work ridiculously long hours (as in out the house 6.30am-8pm minimum and often work late nights and weekends too). I have a long commute each way (can't afford to live where I work as property so expensive) and the job is very, very high stress. I earn a decent wage, but I am quite junior so I'm not on mega-money despite what my friends and family seem to think

I don't intend to keep this job forever, but I need to establish myself in my choosen career then I can hopefully 'down-grade' to something less stressful.

One of my colleagues has just given up work to become a SAHM. It just sounds like living the dream. No more waiting on cold station platforms for delayed trains at 6.30am, no more hideous commute, no more stressful job and nagging boss and office politics, no more late night working and surviving on takeaway or the contents of the office vending machine for weeks at a time. I am so jealous!

Please give me a much-needed reality check. Please tell me the reality of being a SAHM. For those of you that have gone from having a quite high-flying career to SAHM, please tell me how the two compare. I think I really need a reality check!

I would like to point out though, re sleepless nights or having to deal with kids with noro virus, that you have to do that when you work as well!

I was a SAHM when my children were small and i absolutely loved it. It helped that i made friends with a bunch of other mums with children the same age so i was never lonely and we all had fun together. I work part time now as my DD are older. I do understand though it is not for everyone.

I don't have children yet but am pregnant with hopefully my first (early days yet). I plan to 'live the dream' but my dream is not full-time SAH, I work freelance from home with some long travel/client meeting days.

Based on what a couple of my friends/colleagues do, I hope to take on about 3days a week work (mainly from home, travel about once a fortnight) and take my LO to a local nursery or CM to let me do that. I think that'll be great.... but I worked a LONG time and very hard to get to the stage I could set up freelance and make a decent living from it.

I should say, I would SAHM if I had a child with additional needs, or a small-holding type home that required a lot more work than my wee flat does...

i lost the will to live at reading you don't have kids yet.

trust me love, when you do you will much prefer cold train platforms at 6.30 to 2 hourly feeds from a leech who will not leave you alone for the next 25 years ( at least)

and as your watching jezza kyle, whistfully thinking of those heady days when you were out there, in power suit, doing something called 'commuting' you will think back and think that you much prefer it to the frontal lobotomy which is SAHMdom

For me, being a SAHM (well, I work very very part time) is pretty much soul destroying. I can imagine it's not that bad if you have a rich partner who can bankroll you for endless days out and activities.

Mostly though, to be a SAHM means a drop in salary so swanning off to baby yoga is not an option because you need to heat the house/eat/cloth yourself/fix the car and all the crap that comes with it.

I didn't find it as bad on DC1 6 years ago because the cost of living wasn't nearly as high, petrol wasn't an issue and we did more. With DC2 who's 1, thinking about petrol to go places, drinks and food all come in the play.

I went back 3 days with DC1 and then slowly increased to FT again but 4 days was the nicest balance for me.

I wish childcare wasn't so costly, I'd love to work in the day again as opposed to at night when I'm shattered from doing a 12 hr shift with a toddler and all the hair pulling that comes with it.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I worked until I gave birth at a week overdue, because it was easier than being home with a toddler. Does that answer your question?

The title of this made me laugh, as I am a SAHM who thinks YOU are living the dream!

As one poster above said, the grass is always greener! You pretty much exchange one kind of routine (and the good and bad that come with it) for another and all that it entails.

I think maybe someone like Beyonce has the ideal set up :D

I would much rather work than be a SAHM! Ive done both, and i find work much easier!

Yes, YABU - being a SAHP is different for each person. It sounds like it is completely irrelevant to you at the moment anywhere - why are you even thinking about it? There are lots of things you could be jealous of - someone with a better paid, low stress, flexible job, living next to their office for example.

*anyway

I love being a sahm spending time with my lovely children. I wouldn't describe it as "living the dream". I have no identity of my own, no self esteem. I am shouted at. Whined at, puked on, snotted on, weed on, pooed on, moaned at on a daily basis.

I get massive amounts of joy from seeing everything my children do. But I'm worn out. The demands on on me are enormous and constant. There is so much pressure to do the right think, be the right kind of parent.

I have no career, no income of my own. I'm not sure what I will do when my children are older and I need to go back to work.

Op maybe if you have children in the future and possibly become a sahm you could come back and let us know if you are living the dream?

Loving this thread! SAHM for 20 years (lady wot lunches) and that was a mistake.

I remember part time mothers telling me they would go back to work for a rest! Babies/toddlers/small children are so precious but they have no off button, ever.

I am glad that my children take me for complete granted ie I have done my job properly, but it has left me dependent on a man which is a huge mistake. Don't do it!

I agree with you to some extent. When I first had DD, even though I had PND and was horrible sleep deprived I remember thinking "no matter how bad this gets it will never be worse than teaching practice" that was so stressful it made my curly hair go straight!

I now work PT (LOVE my teaching job) and for me that is absolutely lovely.

I have been a SAHM for the past 3 years. I have a 3yr, 2yr and 10 month old.

I am DYING to go back to work. I am not a good SAHM (and I have lots of help). I have just had 2 job interviews (over the phone as am in Africa but returning to UK next week) and am walking on air as I have been asked back for second interviews (in person, when I get back next week) for both of them. Oh to commute, and talk to adults, and use my brain, and earn money! I CAN'T WAIT.

i know SAHMs (including me) who can't afford to work. They watch their skills stagnate and face the prospect of being virtually unemployable when the children go to school. If their relationship ended they/we'd be fucked. It's a choice yes, but it is a risk with the only real alternative to be not to have children at all.

I've also never worked so hard. At work you can go and have a cup of tea or lunch break. I envy DH's commute and lunch breaks - i would love 3 hours to snooze or read per day.

I adore ds and i love being home tho.

I'm living the dream as a sahm.

I'm up at 6am, and the dd1 gets to bed at after 9pm. She's 3. Then I have to tidy, clean, wash up, and then I get to bed a 11pm. And it all starts again. I don't get paid, and it's very lonely at times.

If any of them wake I get up with them as dh is a lazy sod, and won't even do this at the weekend

I think for everyone including dh.

My biggest sacrifice is being a sahm . I spend most of my day tidying cleaning and running errands for everyone else. None of it is noticed or appreciated . I tutor my dyslexic ds1. Yes I get to spend time with my dss. We are having to remortgage our house to pay of the debts we have built up while I'mnot working and our new boiler . Me and dh have no money for ourselves . I work 13 hour days. I never get to leave work as it's at home. My role is ridiculed by working mums and taken for granted by my family .

I've got toddler twins and I work two days per week.

I find my SAHM days much easier. No commute, no pressure, nobody else's expectations to deal with (except the kids, obviously), no feeling like I'm not good enough, no need to look smart, etc. And I say that as someone who has a very interesting, rewarding job.

I don't think people should be patronising you, OP. I could have written your post when I was younger (except for the long hours bit) and I still feel the same now. For me, managing a house of rampaging toddlers is much easier than performing in a demanding job.

I'm doing pretty well as a SAHM. DH works but mucks in with the kids when he's here and we have a cleaner once a fortnight so the house can never get beyond a certain point. We can also afford for me to study so that I can do something for myself and keep my brain occupied with what I like.

On the flipside, I have been doing this for 4 yrs now and there have been plenty of times when I have been exhausted beyond measure with babies who did not sleep, frustrated and stressed out with bratty toddlers (still going through that!) and quite lonely for adult company.

I'm not living a dream as such, just doing a job that suits me and that I enjoy. Like any other job it is demanding and there are moments where I hate it and wonder what the hell I'm up to. But they are few and far between - and that's how it should be, whatever you decide to do with yourself.

I'm on fourth month of maternity. Some days I love it, like today both DS1 and DS2 having a nap at the same time and I am drinking coffee and cruising the web.
Other days I can not wait to go back to work, it's easier and I enjoy being around adults. Plus I spend soooooo much money being off work!

I've been a SAHM since DS was born two years ago and I absolutely love it. I work from home very part time but it fits in with DS so he doesn't go to childcare and we don't have family nearby to help. There are moments when I find it boring or stressful but I would say 95% of the time it's absolutely brilliant. But I think I only enjoy it so much because there is never ever a day when I don't leave the house (barring illness or very bad weather) and because DS isn't solely my responsibility - as soon as DH is in the house absolutely everything is 50/50.

The reason I love it is because I am in charge of my own days and I am a very sociable person so I spend most of my time seeing friends. DS plays with their children while I have a chat and a laugh - heaven! I do some housework, but no more than I'd have to do if I was working (exception being making and tidying up after lunch), DH does the rest. DS knows that if I am eating or drinking tea I am off limits - this was absolute rule from the moment he was able to understand. I am absolutely not at his beck and call. He is absolutely not allowed in the bathroom with me. I am very lucky that he really is a lovely good-natured child who I genuinely enjoy being with. He does annoy me at times (as I do him!) but mostly we rub along very well and have a lovely time together. It is so nice to wake up in the morning and think "what do I have to do today?" and the answer is to hang out with my son and my friends, as opposed to when I was working when it was a rush to get out the door to do a very stressful job (teaching) that left me exhausted.

I do think it's horses for courses. Enjoying being a SAHM takes a certain mindset. If you're going to stay in the house all day, or if you're married to someone who ends up seeing the children as being entirely your job, then it's going to be pretty hellish.

OP it sounds more to me like you are wasting precious years on a job that is draining the life out of you. You can change that without becoming a SAHM and I think you would be doing yourself a massive disservice if you didn't.

There are just so many different ways of being a SAHM or being a WOHM - not all women who work are in high powered jobs where they have their own autonomy and get to meet interesting and stimulating people all day; equally being a SAHM to three under threes, living in a high rise flat with a lift that doesn't work, a DH who doesn't help out and a very low income is not going to be much fun at all.

I have had a very easy time as a SAHM - esp. now that my DS is at secondary school - we had our child late in life, mortgage paid off, DH is supportive and enjoys being a 'hands-on' Dad, never have any concerns about 'who' earns the money - it is all 'joint'. DS was a very 'easy' baby (ie: he slept a lot and was no problem to take out with me). I have had plenty of opportunities to use my (work) skills to do lots of interesting voluntary work so I am always out and about meeting stimulating people and using my brain - on my terms, ie: I don't have to do what someone else tells me .

So yes, for me its been great, but it won't be the same for lots of women.