to sometimes think that SAHMs are "living the dream" and really envy them

[Fizzler99]

Ok so I don't have kids yet.

I work ridiculously long hours (as in out the house 6.30am-8pm minimum and often work late nights and weekends too). I have a long commute each way (can't afford to live where I work as property so expensive) and the job is very, very high stress. I earn a decent wage, but I am quite junior so I'm not on mega-money despite what my friends and family seem to think

I don't intend to keep this job forever, but I need to establish myself in my choosen career then I can hopefully 'down-grade' to something less stressful.

One of my colleagues has just given up work to become a SAHM. It just sounds like living the dream. No more waiting on cold station platforms for delayed trains at 6.30am, no more hideous commute, no more stressful job and nagging boss and office politics, no more late night working and surviving on takeaway or the contents of the office vending machine for weeks at a time. I am so jealous!

Please give me a much-needed reality check. Please tell me the reality of being a SAHM. For those of you that have gone from having a quite high-flying career to SAHM, please tell me how the two compare. I think I really need a reality check!

i work full time and have one DD.
i wouldn't consider being a SAHM as living my dream, i actually think its really hard work if you're going to do it properly.
i wish that my daughter grows up to be confident, happy, sociable, friendly, kind, and balanced. to that end, i send her to nursery.
she gets the most varied of education and experiences there. she interacts with kids and adults of varying ages.
she loves it and has blossomed during the past 15 months at nursery (she's nearly 2).
i enjoy my work, and i feel good during the day that i am giving my daughter the freedom to become her own little person, make her own friendships and have her own experiences.
this works for us.
i think if you're going to stay at home with your children, you have to be so much more than be just a parent, you have to facilitate their interaction with the outside world, and people outside the family unit, and prepare them for school, and give them experience of music, creativity, art, mess, playing, outdoor activity, the list is literally endless.
personally i would struggle, as i dont have the knowledge or ideas to ensure my dd experiences everything, I would struggle with motivation if i was doing this on my own at home with her all day.
i dont want my daughter to feel different in any way, i want her to go to primary school and fit in, and be normal. the worst thing for kids is to feel different to everyone else, and this is another factor that influences my decision.
along with this, i want to be a good role model to her. i want her to have a good work ethic. to know men and women are equal, and can both work full time.
i also want her to know that at weekends i'm all hers, and we can do everything together.
i dont know, for me being with her every day would be too much for both of us, and certainly wouldn't be living any dream i have! everyone is so different, my best friend is a SAHM of 3, i think she's mental, she think's i'm mental ;-) whatever works for you i say!

I wish my Mum had gone to work. She was a SAHM while my brother and I were young and clearly hated it and resented us as a result.

Amber, I found your post very sad. I want to have children because I want to be a parent. I'll be a parent for the rest of my life, it will last beyond babies, childhood and even adolescence. I'm not having a baby because I want "a baby"; I'm having a baby because I want a family. And I want to provide for that family, to house my children in a safe, warm, clean home I own, to clothe them nicely, to feed them healthy and nutritious food and to (in the future) pay for them to go to university, for weddings, cars and deposits on flats.

THAT'S why I'm (going to be) a WOHM.

Porridge your goals are commendable but I notice you don't ever mention making your children feel loved or spending time with them - it's all about money. You might find when you become a parent that you place less importance on the material things like clothes, food and deposits on flats and just want to be with them and enjoy their company.

Cailin: I agree with you. I would love to wave a magic wand where I don't need to work and I can still provide a home, meals, clothes and funding for the future, but I can't. In order to provide those things, I need to work. That doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with my children - the opposite in fact - but when you boil it down to the options of "never have children" and "have children and go to work so they don't starve" it's fairly simple

I didn't read porridges post like that at all, I have to say. I think
most of us tend to not add ' I love my children' to posts because it kind of goes without saying. For the record, I love my children, they are the most important thing in my life, I love spending time with them... I'm
Sure that's equally true of WOHP and SAHP.

Gosh, must be nice to be a dad, because no one would ever question whether they love their kids just because they have a job

I agree with every word of the post by atthewelles Fri 25-Jan-13 10:51:58

Sums up beautifully everything I wanted to say :)

Much as I love my kids and husband, being together 24/ I would consider stifling and unhealthy for all of us.

I work, kids all at school, didn't when they weren't - couldn#t give a rats' arse what other people do or think about SAHM. Live your own life!

Amber - boy, can you tell all your kids are little

skittish whats that supposed to mean?you sound very patronising.

alsoi dont see how spending all your time together is unhealthy?they will naturally spend more time on their own as they get older,when they have more interests they can pursue on their own.

and i am definitely open mined,i wasnt saying you shouldnt work,i was genuinely asking for reasons why,apart from finanial reasons i havnt heard a decent one yet.

And being a SAHM iin a lovely warm house with plenty of cash to go out and about and a car and a cleaner is, I suspect,a million miles form being a single SAHM in a tower block on benefits on a rough estate.

Amber, some people want to work because they have interesting and well paid careers, If you have never had one you simply have no idea how fulfilling that can be. Sorry if that sounds patronising but you sound worryingly daft naive.

and i hate to say it but they are home educated not shooled,we are not "schooling" them.

That's good Amber. I'm glad they aren't being shooled

Amber, you say "apart from financial reasons" but really, that is why EVERYBODY works Certainly there is a social aspect but I imagine people who would carry on working after a significant Lottery win are few and far between.

People work to fund the lifestyle they want. I certainly don't have a fancy lifestyle by any stretch of the imagination but if i didn't work, I wouldn't have ANY money! I wouldn't be able to have somewhere to live, food to eat or to clothe myself.

I was a nanny before i had the kids,i really enjoyed it but wouldnt leave my kids to go back to it,im also interested in midwifery but wouldnt do it til my kids are older.So i do have an idea how fulfilling it can be,but i am more fulfilled by being at home and being with the people i love most.

you ant say to someone "you only enjoy sah beause you never had a career" thats like saying "you ant be a veggie you obviously never had a nice leg of lamb" or something.

do you know i went bak and correted shooled about 3 times and somehow it still came out wrong!

I still have pine needles under my keys!

I have thought long and hard and decided that I if when I win the lottery I would still go to work. Maybe not full time, and maybe move to a different area of work where I wouldn't worry that the career ladder was pretty short, but even with £££££££s in the bank I would still go bonkers if I didn't have the intellectual stimulation and sense of accomplishment that I get from doing my job well

I presume you WOULD though - be a nanny, a nursery nurse, or train as a midwife, in other words, work if you had no other form of income? Do you see what I mean?

It's always cake crumbs on mine, haha!

porridge i wish my mum had worked too,she was there for the practical things like making dinner and stuff but she never shown u any love,played with us,she now admits he hated it,she only had 2 8 years apart aswell!

if she had worked i wouldnt of missed out,i would of learnt some life skills aswell,we werent allowed in the kitchen unless we made a mess.

yes,if i HAD to,of course i would.

i mean in case we made a mess not unless!

Amber are you seriously saying that even n your wildest dreams you can't think of anything to equal being at home with pre schoolers 24/7? I guess the Booker is safe this yearm

nothing that i would want to do,no.

Amber- you said you genuinely do not understand why anyone would work apart from financial reasons. IMO that is not the mark of someone broad minded, and it's a little worrying that someone is home educating their children if they genuinely can't get their heads around any other reasons.

Anyway... Let me start you off. Many many jobs are essential to the well being of humanity. We need doctors, surgeons, architects, builders, teachers, nannies... It seems strange to feel that these jobs ought only to be done by childless women and men. Also, many people enjoy their career, it adds an extra dimension to their life alongside the joys of parenting, hobbies etc. They realise that it's not a case of either being a parent or working- they can do both. They get fulfilment out of continuing their work life while being a mum/ dad

There are many other reasons too. How sad that you can't get your head Round that

You dont need to talk to me like im thick,i understand the practical reasons,but dont understand why someone would WANT to,its different.

Just like you can understand why i do what i do,that is fine,we are all different.

Sigh.