AIBU to think there is a problem on MN discussing anything at all to do with income

[amillionyears]

There are a lot of threads started nowadays, that are causing offence to people who are on low incomes.

It is getting increasingly difficult for those on higher incomes to discuss quite a lot of things.

I dont know if the answer is for those with more income, to not talk much about anything, or those with less income to let them talk about what they want to talk about.

I dont know the answer to all of this.
I would like both sets, or indeed anyone in the middle, to be in harmony on MN!

If you're talking to a bunch of strangers you don't know and therefore don't know the circumstances of, certain things are always going to get people's backs up. It's human nature. That doesn't mean that people should stop posting their problems, or be entitled to helpful replies - but don't be surprised at the odd comment here and there.

I have to admit, I wouldn't have time for people moaning about not being able to afford school fees. There's a very black and white solution to that one plus I don't agree with private education anyway

Someone on here has said about putting something in the subject heading to alert people of its content.

Not sure how I feel about that.
That doesnt seem to quite sit right with me.
Makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

But no hope of progression...

The most important lesson I learnt was when I was a wee gel of 19, just at Uni, life full of all sorts of possibilities. I went to an older friend's house and met her mother, let us call her Sarah.

Sarah was 55, she had three cleaning jobs. She worked from 5 am until 7 so that she could get home, get breakfast and get the kids to school, then a job from 9.30 am - 2 pm so she could be home after school, supervise etc, then back to office clean 7 pm-9.30 pm. Her dh had upped and disappeared years ago.

She worked harder then anyone I knew, she had been working since she was young (had to leave school, difficult life) and she had nothing and never would have anything NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE WORKED.

That is just not right.

At least in professional jobs there is the possibility of advancement.

School fees are a complete luxury (sen aside) however i am surprised that there are few threads about changing schools due to redundancy as i have heard Of that problem coming up for quite a few people in rl.

It's till not really clear what the issue is though amillionyears.

The only issue seems to be the difference between people who are poor and the people who feel poor. And that doesn't seem to be a major issue as long as ops post with some sensitivity and self awareness.

I think you are trying to resolve a bit of a non problem tbh.

Hully that is only a 9 hour day though. Lots of people work way more than that for not a huge amount more money.

Okay - here's something I have not posted for fear of being flamed for a) putting children in nursery in the first place, b) for feeling conflicted / worried about money when I earn a decent salary, c) for taking into account my own ambitions in terms of building a career and d) stealth boasting. It's about returning to work after mat leave, and I mention approximate figures because it makes the situation clearer.

We have 3 nursery age DC counting the new baby so fulltime nursery childcare = £2000 per month. My take home wage is around £1200 per month [NB not a stealth boast, I know this is a comfortable wage and certainly don't believe that I'm entitled to more]. Commuting costs are around £300 per month. It makes financial sense to stop work if you just look at my salary on its own. With DH's salary included things are less cut and dry, but family members keep telling me I'm mad to stay at work because I'm "paying for the privilege of going to work". I want to keep working because a) further down the line I will probably earn more, and childcare will cost less, b) if I take a career break, the odds of getting back into the industry are low and c) I'm grateful to have a job in case anything happens to DH's job.

AIBU to continue working?

I fear being flamed because I've seen posters on previous threads that mention money selectively focus on one aspect of the OP (e.g. salary level) and ignore the rest of the post. I also fear being flamed because we chose to have 3 children close together (well, number 3 was a surprise but still a choice IYSWIM).

No, not poor. But not are they carpeting their second parlour with £50 notes just because they can afford private schools.
Whether private school fees are a luxury or a necessity again depends on your pov. For some they probably are viewed as a necessary expense, depending on your own background/experiences/expectations etc.

If with your df's salary you can afford to work and don't mind the children being on child are then no yanbu.
If you working would stretch family finances to breaking point or seriously impact your current lifestyle then I'd say yabu and selfish.

in child care

@frozen yanbu. And im glad you posted that as i may be in a similar situation soon and wondered what on earth women did in that situation.

My own family set up was the same as yours growing up and i find it odd how we were considered 'rich' compared to families with sahm.

Frozen in that situation i would probably work pt until school before fulltime after. But we had a massive gap between dc to get round the more than one in nursery at a time thing. And we only have 2 dc.

Oh ethel

She worked from 5 in the morning until 9.30 at night and did her own childcare in between because she couldn't earn enough to pay for ANY and she didn't want her kids to run wild and wanted them to have chances she didn't have.

She was like a hamster on a treadmill, earned just enough for the very basics with nothing for emergencies. She couldn't be sick, school hols were impossible. The point is, in her circs, she worked as damn hard as she could and got nowhere. Can you really not see that?

It is true for many, many, many people.

I can see she was a v hard working person and deserved a lot of respect. However, i dont see why she should have more sympathy than a headteacher of a difficult inner city school actually.

Frozen north pole.

Can I ask though? Your op is perfectly understandable without any need to detail your costs, salary or nursery charges. So, if you fear people will pick on the salary, why detail it?

Your issue is AIBU to continue to work when my salary and commute charges barely cover the nursery charges for my 3 dc?

The figures are irrelevant arn't they and the problem is not affect by the amounts - just the net result.

Plus, I am not at all sure you would be flamed anyway as it is a problem about career paths, independence and choices.
It's way more likely o be a sahm/wohm Bunfight.

pretty - ah, that makes sense. No, doesn't stretch us to breaking point as long as we are otherwise reasonably careful.
ethel - glad it was useful, I know a lot of people who decided to stay home in my situation but also a few in my workplace who did not.
youbroke - yes, part time would actually be ideal. I am on a 2 year full time contract though, so no job security and I don't have the same rights to flexible working. If I fulfill this contract well, my hope is that they might offer me a 3 year contract next.

Tomorrow is my first day back in the office; I'm sitting here trying unsuccessfully to get DS to take a bottle of milk . I really hope my children don't resent me working when they get older.

what pag said

ethel, can't you?

really?

well, as an absolute minimum, the headteacher has the right to belong to a union, has holiday and sick pay and gets a pension.

ethelb - can you really not? To keep working like that and know that life was never going to get any better? That no comfortable retirement waited when she had had enough? To have no leeway, no safety net, no nothing - if you cannot find some empathy and respect for that then you are a cold person indeed.

Pag - I see what you mean. I probably could have been clear without it. I suppose the figures illustrate the extent of the issue in a way that I found helpful writing it. Honest question though: do you think including the figures would annoy anyone? Might it come across as a stealth boast? I genuinely don't know - I wouldn't take it as such but then I only came across the phenomenon of genuine or perceived stealth boasting rather recently.

I guess I was also trying to give an example of a post that I've been conflicted about writing, since people were asking about issues that people might be reluctant to post about.

I can understand it irking people when others post details of their comfortable salary but where does it end?

People with really poor health must be irked when they read a thread about something 'trivial' like not being invited to a wedding

People who can't have children must feel irked when someone posts to moan about little Johnny being an irritating brat today

Etc etc.

Salary/income is just one small part of what makes up the whole in terms of wealth, so unless people are poor in all respects are they not allowed to post details in case it offends someone?

But there is no need to detail the salary. Childcare costs as a proportion of salary is something we all understand. Why should the figures be necessary?

The issue I think is that if you are reasonably well off, in general you mix with people in rl who are in a similar economic position. This leaves you very naive about the real financial issues that the majority of the population have. So posts here about financial issues often come across as being incredibly entitled, or ridiculous, or insensitive.

I hit up against this issue is rl as well. I'm a nanny. It amazes me that a couple who both earn over £80,000 a year can describe themselves, in total honesty, as being middle earners. There is large amount of fretting over issues that most people will never face, because they don't have the money to make the choice - private schools, holiday arrangements, the best sources of food. I can only assume that they somehow think I am affected by the same issues, because they love to share the angst.

Put the details if you want Satan, but don't be surprised if people respond as they would to an insensitive arse.