AIBU to think there is a problem on MN discussing anything at all to do with income

[amillionyears]

There are a lot of threads started nowadays, that are causing offence to people who are on low incomes.

It is getting increasingly difficult for those on higher incomes to discuss quite a lot of things.

I dont know if the answer is for those with more income, to not talk much about anything, or those with less income to let them talk about what they want to talk about.

I dont know the answer to all of this.
I would like both sets, or indeed anyone in the middle, to be in harmony on MN!

*Soz, ethel, one of my posts got lost.

What do you mean childcare, housing, clothes?*

See? From this morning.

Chunderella, as was said earlier, you can still discuss the pros and cons without disclosing figures

eg

DH's salary is such that...however etc etc

@hully sorry I missed that post

So surely there example is 'Everyone needs help'

Of course everybody needs help if a person is a judge or a shop worker but sometimes people post things about finances that seem a big deal to them but is trivial and ridiculous to other people, some people who are in a huge salary bracket dont seem to see the big picture, this isn't about not posting so you dont offend the poor, this is about thinking about how daft you might look if you post that you can't afford to keep on the stable hand this year im going to have to muck out yourself this kind of thing is going to be really scoffed at ime of mumsnet

It is not what you post it is how you post

but what about the poor stable hand losing his job?

mrsjay - this is a public forum. If people want to post about furniture polishers, piano tuners and stable hands then that is up to them. Skip pass that thread, roll your eyes and let them be.

well Id imagine my hypothetically mumsnetter isn't really being that tactful she is worried about the stable hand is loosing a job she is just woe is me about shoveling shit

Ok. I'll give an example of what I felt I couldn't ask. Any flaming will just get ignored.

I earn 65k
My DH earns 110k
We own our home (300k mortgage) and four other properties which we rent out. Total income 8k a month. We have three children, own three cars and holiday four or so times a year as travel is a hobby.
We have about 150k in savings

I am agonising whether to give up work. We can obviously afford it. We really just save my salary and the children (11 and 14) would benefit from me being at home. However either we change our lifestyle (less holidays, cars) or stop saving which seems silly in our early 40s.

I like being well off. So do the kids. When I said their allowance would have to change if I was at home they said they would rather I worked!

It is a real first world problem. I know we are lucky but I still agonise over whether to be at home and concentrate on my phd or keep working.

See. Not a mumsnet problem is it.

Id tell you do to your PHD tbh and do what fulfills you your children will cope with a little decrease in allowance

In that instance, Netguru, my response would be that you'll be fine with just dh's income, and if you want to do a Phd you're in a fortunate position, and I don't think you should let your children dictate on this - it's not as though they're going to be placed on the breadline, after all.

Why not?

Why can you not post - I want to stop working but it woud mean a substantial drop in our lifestyle.
We would go from being very comfortable to having to limit some things we enjoy.
How do I decide. Are the slight reductions to my DCs lifestyle something I should put before my own day today happiness.

Why is that not a sensible way to post?

Why the need for the 'we have 3 of these and we have four of those? In what way does it change the basic question other than to list your possessions?

I genuinely don't understand what the inventory adds?

There is you and DP and DCs 11 and 14. And you have three cars. His and Hers car plus family car. Now that is what I call 'wealthy' :)

This isn't a flame. Congrats for doing so well. I just find it funny that you have three cars in a family of two adults and two children.

I just want to know why three cars?

@netguru I think you should stay and focus on your PhD. My mother came home for a bit when I was 13 and after years of nannies (who I liked and got on with generally) I found her presence really suffocating to be honest. Having her around as a SAHM just wasn't our family's rhythm. (Plus friends scoffed when I tried to explain this to them because hey, spoilt little princess' diamond shoes are too tight).

We weren't grateful she was at home, though I think we were expected to be. Plus I left home five years later.

So she went back to work and did a PhD. Now she is very happy as an academic, and I don't have a wingey empty-nester parents who are up at my back all the time. A real problem for some friends who's parents were SAHM or early retirees

But no, its not a mumsnet problem.

Absolutely bloody fucking lutely Pag darling.

ethelb

you know how you said you didn't say "sympathy" and I kindly pointed out how you did?

Are you going to ignore that too?

WHY?

WHY are figures necessary netguru?

nope. sorry I got confused by being singled out so horribly.

and I really do resent being told off for 'ignoring' and earlier post which occured just before I had to head off to the hospital for an appointment about a condition which leaves me temporarily disabled. I thought you of all people would understand Hully. But no.

And you dare talk to me about sympathy.

Probably because that's how I'm working through it in my own head. The rental income is not guaranteed but allows continuing income. The cars could change. But I've seen bland generalisation posts on here just get accused of drip feeding and demands for more info. At very high income levels change is easier to absorb but the fear of giving up my independant income makes me nervous. (unlikely I would ever return to full time work once I quit as husband's career is getting more and more demanding)

I really can't make my mind up and stick to it. Each day I come to a conclusion then sleep on it and change my mind.

Enough about me though. I just thought it would help illustrate someone who thought to post then decided not to.

It's a good example though Netguru but perhaps not or the reason you intended
Because with two minutes thought you could post exactly the same issue but without needing to list sums of possessions.

Like someone said upthread, it's just about sensitivity. It's not hard really.

Three cars - live in country. One for me to commute to London (160 mile a day) One for husband and one 4x4 for the hobby (need off roader)and taking kids out. Also pay for mother's car (she lives in annex)