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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a grown man should not need to call in with his mum EVERY single day

57 replies

whatdoithinknow · 22/01/2013 17:32

Both me and my dp work full time mine is quite a stressful job not saying his isn't but....anyway I finish work pick kids up from child care come home start cooking dinner etc etc. Dp works near his parents home so its easy to call in but would you say it was necessary every single day?? I feel resentful that I have to get on with cooking with kids under my feet while he relaxes with a cup of tea elsewhere!! Aibu??

OP posts:

lannyshrops · 22/01/2013 17:34

Why is he calling in? Are his parents elderly? Do they need care that he is providing? More information please.

Remotecontrolduck · 22/01/2013 17:34

YANBU, this would annoy me. Fine if you don't have any responsibilites I suppose but he needs to come home and help you!

Remotecontrolduck · 22/01/2013 17:35

Actually yes, if they are very frail and old that's different!!

threesocksmorgan · 22/01/2013 17:35

depends
if they old he is not bu

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/01/2013 17:36

YANBU - unless they are elderly and need him to keep and eye on them / provide care.

TwoKidsAndCounting · 22/01/2013 17:36

Sounds like he's shirking responsibilities, unless his parents are ill or the likes. However, YANBU!

littleduckie · 22/01/2013 17:37

I was going to post a similar AIBU about my DP whos mother phones at least 3 times a day and his brother at least twice a day, even when we are on holiday.

Original poster

whatdoithinknow · 22/01/2013 17:41

No sorry I should have said not old or frail he just calls to have a cuppa and chat. Mind u I might if there was work to do at home and I had that option!!

OP posts:

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit · 22/01/2013 17:41

A phonecall would be fine as he has stuff to do.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/01/2013 17:44

In that case YANBU at all - I'd like to sit and have cup of tea rather than put the kids to bed too but you can't opt-out so easily.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 22/01/2013 17:45

Yanbu
but I hope my son does that when he's left home
Old habits die hard and I'm not sure once you start you can stop easily? E.g cuppa probably waiting for him

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/01/2013 17:46

Really nice thing for him, and I'm sure it makes perfect sense to him, but not it's not fair on you.

Could he pop in at lunchtime instead?

overmydeadbody · 22/01/2013 17:47

Every day?! just for a cuppa and a chat?

YANBU

There should be a more equal distribution of the work.

Do you do all the cooking then? And he comes home to eat

Once he is home does he pull his weight? Let you sit down with a cuppa while he takes over?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/01/2013 17:48

I secretly hope my son would do it too but not at the expense of doing his share of the childcare at home. Lunchtimes is a good suggestion.

overmydeadbody · 22/01/2013 17:49

2 or 3 times a week would be enough. Then go round as a family at the weekend.

MMMarmite · 22/01/2013 17:50

Do you each get equal leisure time in the end? If so, then I guess it's fine for him to spend his dropping on his parents, each to their own. But if you don't get an equal amount of time to put your feet up each day, then it's not fair and you need a fairer system.

TallyGrenshall · 22/01/2013 17:50

Hmmmm

I go to my mothers house every day, 65 and 70 so not really old or frail but I love them and I like having a cuppa and a chat

However, it's not fair if you are being left to cook dinner and deal with the kids every day. Is he home to help with bath/bed etc?

overmydeadbody · 22/01/2013 17:50

I really hope my DS won't come by for a cuppa ever single day as a grown man! A couple of times a week would be enough.

ENormaSnob · 22/01/2013 17:52

Yanbu

If he needs to see them daily could he not call at lunch time then he isn't shirking evening duties at home?

deleted203 · 22/01/2013 17:52

YANBU to be annoyed as you are getting left to deal with kids and cooking. But would he actually do anything if he was at home? I can understand that he has got in the routine of calling in at his parents for a cup of tea and a chat after work, but presumably this isn't a new routine? It sounds as though he has been doing it for a while. Have you complained to him about it? And would life improve if he DID come straight home? Or would he simply sit in the living room reading the paper and drinking tea whilst the kids rampaged about and you cooked tea? I think rather than focusing on him being at his parents you need to say something along the lines of 'I need you to come straight home so that you can keep the kids out of my way whilst I cook. I can't do both jobs'. Make it clear that you are needing him home for a SPECIFIC reason - rather than just objecting to him seeing his parents.

MerylStrop · 22/01/2013 17:52

Every day is a bit much, and I can see that it would be annoying but I sort of think it's sweet that he likes to go and see them.

So long as the moment he walks through the door he deals with the kids, clears up and does bed time?

Or so long as he does morning sorting out, breakfast and school run whilst you have time for a shower and to get ready?

Either of those apply?

NowWhatIsit · 22/01/2013 17:54

Fine if it works both ways. What woud happen if you said - Can he pick the kids up 1/2 nights and do their tea etc as you're going to go shopping/meet friend for drink etc after work?? How would that go down? Or maybe he can take kids to his parents and you can be at home on your own?

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 22/01/2013 17:54

littleduckie