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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there is rarely a good reason to look at your partners phone.

66 replies

HintsOfRain · 21/01/2013 15:15

I never look at my husbands phone, and he never looks at mine. I trust him enough to believe that he's not texting a secret lover and I wouldn't particularly want him looking at the texts between me and my friends.

If his phone goes off and he's not in the room I still wouldn't look at it. I would just tell him when he came back in, and if it rang I wouldn't answer it either.

I really don't think there is a good reason for reading your partners texts/answering calls.

OP posts:

zignzag · 21/01/2013 15:25

Agree, no good reason to go snooping. I would never look at my dh phone. He does peek at mine though. It annoys me lots. He is nosy.

PaellaUmbrella · 21/01/2013 15:27

YANBU, I agree. I don't look at DH's phone or his emails, and he doesn't look at mine.

DuchessFanny · 21/01/2013 15:29

I've never looked at DHs phone but he has been known to say ' you've had a text from so - and - so , because he's looked at mine when it's gone off and it has irritated me a bit !
We know each others passwords to everything, in case we need to access an email to print off tickets, etc ..

StuntGirl · 21/01/2013 15:31

We're an open book here, I don't care if he reads my texts. We share virtually all the same friends anyway. If he wants to read the gibberish I send by text he's more than welcome to!

Birdsgottafly · 21/01/2013 15:32

I would rather my DP (we have just split ) answered my phone, rather than miss the call.

I don't see the problem of answering it, with permission.

Andro · 21/01/2013 15:34

Snooping is out of order, but I'd be lying if I said I've never looked at DH's phone or he at mine. The thing is, it's always with the knowledge and express permission of the other person for example, 'Andro, can you find that text from XXX and check what time I have to be at yyy?' is a very popular request (usually when he already knows he's short of time).

aamia · 21/01/2013 15:34

DH and I borrow each other's phones to play different games, or I'll borrow his to bbm a mutual friend/use the internet while we're out (he has unlimited data and I don't). If he goes out without his and needs it, or his breaks, I'll lend him mine. Neither of us have anything to hide so just treat phones like any other household item. I've also offered to swap with him for a bit before his contract is up so that he can try out an android phone and see if he wants one next. Likewise, he knows the password to my computer and I'm happy for him to use it. I don't get this 'my phone' thing...

MadCap · 21/01/2013 15:35

Yabu, we tend to just use whoever's phone is closest. If I need to google something, and his phone is closer than I'll use his. If he's upstairs and my phone rings upstairs, he'll answer it and bring it down to me. I don't mind and neither does he.

MadCap · 21/01/2013 15:36

We've swapped for whole weekends when I've been away because his phone has better Satnav than mine.

ConfusedPixie · 21/01/2013 15:41

YABU, DP and I look at each others phones and use one another's constantly because we've lost our own, it's not really a big deal, we tell each other everything anyway. Usually he'll get a text and I'll just look at the top screen and let him know who it is or when I get a text I just ask him to check it and text back for me if I'm feeling particularly lazy! He knows my computer password and a few of my other passwords too, I don't know his, but only because I forget them. I forget my own quite often too and he has to remind me

LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/01/2013 15:41

I'm like stunt. We borrow electrical stuff, computers and phones and so on (though his phone is so complicated I can't use it really).

But I think it is exactly the same issue of privacy no matter where you draw the line, isn't it? There's always something your partner keeps private and you have to respect. IMO.

I don't go searching his back orders on Amazon just before Christmas, for starters.

YorkshireDeb · 21/01/2013 15:43

Assuming you mean actual snooping & reading texts & things without permission I agree with you. But I look at his phone quite a lot. It's hard not to cos he always leaves it lying around! X

Spice17 · 21/01/2013 15:46

DH and I have exactly the same phone, so I often pick his up by accident but am generaly not interested.

I do think it's funny though that even though it's a technical smartphone (and I'm useless with that sort of thing generally) becuase they're both the same, I would know where to find any porn on his if I wanted to, so he's probably a bit gutted - mwah, mwah, mwah!!!!!

Original poster

HintsOfRain · 21/01/2013 15:46

My DH's phone is either in his pocket or if it's not then it'll be on the sofa/coffee table/kitchen counter but he's usually in that room too.

If he's having a shower and his phones rings then no I wouldn't answer it. Why? Because the call can't be that important that the person can't wait 10 minutes for my DH to call them back and because that person is not calling to talk to me.

I think DH would be teased if I answered his phone.

OP posts:

Paiviaso · 21/01/2013 15:47

YABU

I'm on DPs phone quite a lot, as he has a smartphone and don't (mine got run over ) I use his phone to browse the internet in bed, to send long-distance texts, and to get throttle by DP at chess When we both had smartphones we'd use the phone that was getting better wifi connection.

His texts and Facebook message notifications do show up on the screen, and I do see them. I don't open them and read them but I can see the first line. I'm not purposely snooping though!

Original poster

HintsOfRain · 21/01/2013 15:48

It's hard not to cos he always leaves it lying around

And this is what I'm referring to.

If I asked to look at DH's phone then he would give it to me. If it was lying around no I wouldn't look at it because I really don't care what it on there.

OP posts:

CloudsAndTrees · 21/01/2013 15:52

I'd answer DHs phone if he wasn't in the room and I could see it was someone we both know that's phoning him. I don't mind him doing the same, and I really can't see the problem.

Surely anyone that was immature enough to tease about that is a bit pathetic and they would be the one with the problem, not us.

I have no interest in DHs phone, but I have used it occasionally as it has a better camera than mine, and we have used each others for Internet access just because one phone is closer. I really am struggling to see the harm. Neither of us have anything to hide, neither of us have trust issues. It's just a phone.

Dahlen · 21/01/2013 15:53

There's nothing on my phone that I would object to anyone seeing, so if asked I'd give them the password and let a partner use it if he needed to check a number or make a call, etc, and I wouldn't change the password afterwards. However, I'd feel quite annoyed if anyone helped themselves to my phone and looked through it just because.

Startail · 21/01/2013 15:53

No snooping here, we've been together 25 years and for the first two we were at universities in different cities.

Both of us had friends of the opposite sex and we had to trust each other. I guess we've never really changed.

Anyway DH has confidential work stuff and some of my voluntary stuff is private so snooping would be bad form.

MrsPennyapple · 21/01/2013 15:53

I don't look through DP's phone, I respect his privacy. I did answer a call from his work the other week. He had just left and prob wouldn't have noticed he'd left it.

In my previous relationship I was of the same opinion, I respected his privacy. Until it became obvious that something was going on. I looked for the evidence, and I found it. Had he been a bit less obvious, I'd never have looked, and who knows how long it would have carried on.

VisualiseAHorse · 21/01/2013 15:56

Oh, to live somewhere where you get signal......

Absolutelylost · 21/01/2013 16:15

I tend to look at DH's texts and emails just to see what's happening, we run a business jointly. Otherwise he forgets to tell me stuff!

KatyTheCleaningLady · 21/01/2013 16:17

I don't care who might text or call my husband. I couldn't be bothered to look.

If, however, something seemed "off" about him... if he behaved differently or did anything to get my spidey senses tingling then I'd maybe look.

And not feel bad about it, either.

RandallPinkFloyd · 21/01/2013 16:18

You think he'd be "teased" if you answered his phone?

Are you both 15?

Waitingforastartofall · 21/01/2013 16:18

I couldn't care less If dp looked through my phone but I know he doesn't. cause he can't use it . I don't look through his, I don't really do jealous aside from one girl he knows I can't stand wouldn't want to read their messages though I'd be bored stupid as would he if he read mine.

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